How do families have SAHMs?

[LikeDaisies]

Financially - I cannot comprehend how it’s possible!

Husband is a teacher. Earns around £44,000. That isn’t enough to cover our bills if I were to leave my job and stay at home with our baby.

Mortgage is £900. Other bills come to around £700 - not considering food, leisure, etc.

Not that I’d want to leave my job, but I’d love to be able to drop down to 3 days a week. But financially it just isn’t possible. We wouldn’t be able to afford our mortgage and bills.

So it leaves me wondering how I see so many families who are able to manage having a SAHM.

Please can anyone who is in this situation explain how it is possible/how you make it work?

I mean we probably could ‘cut back’ but I would be stressed and I think some of the things I’d consider ‘priority’ wouldn’t be possible without a lot of stress. I suppose quite a strict list of must-have/do things and we put a lot of cash into those- (they might seem daft or not essential to others of course!) - pensions / investments , health and diet, house renovation, no debt eg cars on finance etc , and expensive veterinary bills as we have a lot of old dogs. So on a lower income obviously these things would be affected and on balance I think I’d rather not sacrifice them for survival as a SAHP if i had to make that choice. That said obviously everyone has different priorities in their lives and I think it would be possible to have a SAHP if you had earnings of perhaps 60/70k depending on your outgoings. A lot of waffle to say I basically think 44k as an only salary for one family is tough going unless you really strip life right back and just survive and not consider pension and the rest etc.

Stayed at home for several years until I wanted to work, husband just earns a lot more than £44k 🤷 You'd be surprised how well paid lots of jobs are

DH is a largely SAHP who does a bit of consultancy work (perhaps £10k per year). This is possible only because I earn £150k plus bonus. It means we live comfortably with our one DD and modest (by London standards) mortgage, but not lavishly, and are able to save. If I were a teacher instead of a lawyer, it wouldn't be possible.

It’s just income vs outgoings. Dh earns 7.5k after tax per month (owns his own business) so I am fortunate that I don’t need to work while babies are small. We do live in an expensive part of London too

Your husband would need to get jobs for all the holiday periods. I’m lucky if my husband can actually take a weeks leave a year, usually he works even when it’s down as annual leave. He also works minimum 50 hr weeks, isn’t even 40 yet and is fully grey. I could be a SAHM on my husbands wage but I spent a lot of time and effort building up my career so I also work, I’ve shifted away from a corporate role and taken a wage hit but my pension will offset that somewhat.

It's one of several things, either 1 person earns a decent salary (100k+), or their childcare bills are so high the lower earners wage just goes on childcare so they just give up work as they'd be no better off and they manage (lower earner usually returns to work when the free nursery hours come in). Or they are on benefits anyway and churn more children out in order to not work and live off benefits/are topped up by benefits as the only earner is on a low wage.

It's the middle earners (40k-80k mark) who don't earn enough to live on 1 wage but earn too much for benefits so need 2 people working.

husband earns 200k I am a SAHM. We don’t have extra cash at the end of the month. We are careful.

I do agree with what you’re saying but lots of millennials and Gen Z have side hustles now. Maybe that’s a result of wage stagnation and cost of living I don’t know. But I would say about half that I know do.

And yes your right part time employment where you have to be at a physical location I consider with a boss is absolutely worker territory. But I do think there’s a weird grey area where some people are essentially living SAH lives whilst also earning adhoc or quite passively.

£44k isn’t a high salary that’s why. I earn £58k on 4 days a week and we can’t afford for DH to stay at home. The trick to being a SAHM is marry a banker not a teacher.

It’s not depressing though as you get to spend all that time with your child, it’s not worth not seeing them most of the time in return for having new shoes & clothes, treats & haircuts…that all means nothing in comparison.

In answer to op, we cut right back, but we live abroad by the sea and countryside and with a garden etc, so I can see how it’s maybe more doable. We didn’t need to save for holidays, we have the beach, we either went camping (fun anyway when they’re little) or had just weekends away. I would have a coffee at the beach and bring picnic food for lunch, same at the parks & playgrounds. I didn’t buy no clothes, just only things I really needed, hair cut was cheap, just asked for simple wash and cut no extra for blow dry finish. I had the car there but would have days where we’d walk to the shops & playground/beach. There were times it felt tight, but no regrets. Now I’m back to working, dc is at school and i’d give anything for those days back
Judging by the amount you have left over, it sounds like it could work? Maybe cut back on petrol, try to food shop at markets etc, when they’re tiny, there’s not that much extra to pay out for

People obviously have different priorities but I’m not lying, why would I? I’ve chosen a large mortgage, live outside London but in one of the top 5 most expensive places in the country, commute to London on the most expensive rail line in the country (it costs me and DH £50 a day each) and I choose to privately educate my DD as she has SEN and wouldn’t do well in a state school. All choices I happily make but it does mean I can’t afford a £40 nail visit (also, what are you getting for £40, costs a lot more round these parts!).
10 years ago I would have lived like a king on my salary but not anymore.

We do it on less then that 40k a year. We have low living costs, low mortgage £400pm. We don't have a holiday yearly, but when we do its under 1k in total. buy clothes at primark, etc, car owned outright, i walk the school run in all weathers. we live a simple but not boring lifestyle, lots of outdoor free activities, hiking, days at the beach, picnics, look for discount deal family days out etc. Low cost hobbies.

We do without the latest home trends, for example I'm updating my kitchen cupboards by painting them £50, and will change the wall colour too. Or we need a new shower unit enclosure so we are only replacing that not the full bathroom. My husband painted the front of our house over the summer £40 for paint.

We prioritise the basics in life, food, warmth, family time. In no way do I feel like we are doing without, or my children are not deprived. We have everything we need , and some extra. Yes there is some wants but currently with our situation Child with additional needs, and DH working hours un sociable, it more suited for our family to have a SAHP.

DH and I earn six figs each.

Very nearly mortgage free in our mid-late 40s.

Neither of us has ever worked part time. Both of us travel for work. We haven’t prioritised DH’S career over mine, we both have significant pension provisions and savings. Neither of us is the default parent or housekeeper.

Be very careful what you wish for, OP. Do not underestimate the sacrifice you would both be making to facilitate this.

For me it was a combination of having children young, before we built up a good 2 income lifestyle, and not being able to afford childcare once we had more than 3 (twins) (i did work with first). So it wasn't worth going back until they got to school age. Also having no family help and husband working away made it impossible. In addition having SN meant constant appointments etc.

How do you have four children in a two-bed? Do the parents sleep in the living room?

They have more money than you

My husband earns £50k. We overpaid our mortgage and paid it off over a year ago. We were paying on average £15k a year. We've taken the kids to over 50 countries (some like Uzbekistan, Indonesia, Malaysia, Poland, etc, more than once), and 20 US states. The mortgage and travel was the priority.

We don't go out much. We don't buy ourselves or the kids loads of branded clothes. We don't have new cars. Our latest car cost £650. The one before that cost £400 and we scrapped it after a few years for £250. We don't drink much (husband is teetotal), don't do drugs, don't smoke. I don't get my hair, nails, or eyelashes done. I don't have botox or fillers or any other treatments, and we haven't had any tattoos done since we were teens.

It’s not just about money - my dm was a sahm but our family were quite poor. We got by though.

I’m a sahm but my dh is a top 1% earner. I also know SAHM’s who are on benefits 🤷‍♀️

You cut your coat according to your cloth.

I’m a single mum to two children, I earn £44k, it’s possible if you budget. I have £80 a week spare to spend on luxuries, it is possible

They earn more money or they have a lower standard of living.

When you make the decision for a parent to stay at home I think it’s important to sit down, have a chat and discuss what (if anything) you’re willing to sacrifice.

I’m a SAHM and DH earns 75k. We don’t sacrifice anything and if he made less than this I wouldn’t be at home because we wouldn’t want our standard of living to be impacted. For some people they are willing to make sacrifices because being at home is more important.

I was a sahm for five years. My husband earned £31k.we had a very low mortgage, now mortgage free. All kids clothes and toys were pre owned. We didn't go on expensive holidays etc, we managed absolutely fine without any benefits. My oldest two still managed to do after school activities. We would go for relatively cheap day trips out e.g. the beach, parks in different villages, free museums, visit the local libraries.

I now work five days a week term time only. I returned to work a year ago when my youngest turned 2 and could start the village pre school. I returned to work as I wanted to, we didn't feel we needed the extra money particularly.

We live in the south east

Bills and mortgage come to 1600 a month. So on 44k a year should have a fair bit left over a month?

Not sure if this is obvious but they earn more? Almost every single set of parents in our year group have a SAHM, the dads all have high earning jobs. The women are at home.

i presume you have high outgoings - mortgage, car finance, good savings/pensions etc?

44k is only slightly above average. Other people have better paying jobs 🤷🏻‍♀️