Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

What happens if we split up?

65 replies

youredeadtomesteven · 03/01/2026 19:26

Hi, apologies if not correct thread area for this.

I bought a house with DP of 10 years, this year.
Both first time buyers.

I put in £28k total, he has put in deposit of £5k on paper (I have paid it, he has given me £1k so far). So on the deed of trust, I put in £23k, him £5k.

If we were to split, we would get back our deposit amounts and then split the rest of proceeds when selling…

If i wanted to stay in the property, how would I do that? How much would be ‘enough’ to buy him out/get him off the mortgage?

just thinking as i want to prepare myself if this does occur…

Additionally, we are on a fixed rate mortgage until 2027. If we were to split up before this, could we still sell or do we have to wait until the mortgage term is finished?

Few notes as I don’t want to drip feed:
• I am the breadwinner as it were
• He has mentioned getting his mortgage contributions back if we were to split and me not wanting to sell?
• We both share bills and house expenses 50/50
• I could afford mortgage and bills on my own, but I haven’t had that approved by anyone like a broker. Eg I earn £2.1k and bills/mortgage including food is £1.6k ish.
• No one in my family or his has bought a house so I don’t have anyone close to me to be able to ask and get a clear/correct answer.

many thanks in advance for your responses! :-)

OP posts:
MaybeNotNo · 03/01/2026 19:31

He would not be entitled to mortgage payments back.

Why did you loan him 5k for the deposit?

You have Options
Sell and split equity or

  1. give him 5k to fuck off or
  2. Work out how much equity you have in the house and either give 50% or % based on the deposit.

If you want to keep the hoise, maybe get a lodger in?

Clutterbug2026 · 03/01/2026 19:33

How much it would cost to buy him out will depend if the property has gone up or down in value and how much is left to pay off on the mortgage.

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 03/01/2026 19:33

you mention a deed of trust, but can you just confirm if you are joint tenants or tenants in common?

If you wanted to split, you would get the property valued, and then calculate the equity and then split that accordingly.

The bigger hurdle will be removing your partner from the mortgage. On your salary alone, would a mortgage lender give you the money needed to have the property in your name? Generally it’s capped around 4/5 times annual income as a top end estimate. Even if it’s affordable for you to live day to day with the bills, the mortgage company are not comfortable loaning someone 7/8 times their income.

Chasbots · 03/01/2026 19:35

If he moans about house value, get it valued by a surveyor (or a couple of estate agents).

Nope to paying him back mortgage payments (effectively his rent for occupation) but you might have to negotiate.

You could probably keep the mortgage if you meet the affordability requirements but contact your lender. Check for early repayment fees.

Original poster
youredeadtomesteven · 03/01/2026 19:53

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 03/01/2026 19:33

you mention a deed of trust, but can you just confirm if you are joint tenants or tenants in common?

If you wanted to split, you would get the property valued, and then calculate the equity and then split that accordingly.

The bigger hurdle will be removing your partner from the mortgage. On your salary alone, would a mortgage lender give you the money needed to have the property in your name? Generally it’s capped around 4/5 times annual income as a top end estimate. Even if it’s affordable for you to live day to day with the bills, the mortgage company are not comfortable loaning someone 7/8 times their income.

joint tenants

ok, so it would likely be easier to do a clean break and sell, splitting equally unless I could get a mortgage on my own

OP posts:
workoholic · 04/01/2026 00:58

I don't get why you put in 5k "for him"? Surely the house purchase wasn't a surprise so he had plenty of time to save? Maybe you are both rushing to buy and not ready?

I think you should put in full deposit in the agreement, and whatever equity is in the property should you split up, then you divide anything thats over the 28k. Quite frankly it doesn't sound like he has much to lose so not sure why his panicking so much when he hasn't saved anything.

If you split then deal with it at the time as 5k won't get him anywhere realistically. He may as well just put that towards furniture then if his that worried can take the sofa if you split.

Please take seriously:

  1. If your money morals don't align then don't share a property. I nearly bought a house with my ex boyfriend who saved nothing the whole time I was with him, and our lives are on very different paths now and in hindsight it would never have worked.
  2. As a general rule whatever the bills would be roughly each month you should be able to easily "save" - if you can't then you aren't ready to buy and could struggle should things go south. I have friends in this situation currently.
  3. You should also always be prepared for one partner lose their job, so you should know you can live off one income otherwise you might regret it in this economy - or great insurance cover.
Original poster
youredeadtomesteven · 04/01/2026 08:38

workoholic · 04/01/2026 00:58

I don't get why you put in 5k "for him"? Surely the house purchase wasn't a surprise so he had plenty of time to save? Maybe you are both rushing to buy and not ready?

I think you should put in full deposit in the agreement, and whatever equity is in the property should you split up, then you divide anything thats over the 28k. Quite frankly it doesn't sound like he has much to lose so not sure why his panicking so much when he hasn't saved anything.

If you split then deal with it at the time as 5k won't get him anywhere realistically. He may as well just put that towards furniture then if his that worried can take the sofa if you split.

Please take seriously:

  1. If your money morals don't align then don't share a property. I nearly bought a house with my ex boyfriend who saved nothing the whole time I was with him, and our lives are on very different paths now and in hindsight it would never have worked.
  2. As a general rule whatever the bills would be roughly each month you should be able to easily "save" - if you can't then you aren't ready to buy and could struggle should things go south. I have friends in this situation currently.
  3. You should also always be prepared for one partner lose their job, so you should know you can live off one income otherwise you might regret it in this economy - or great insurance cover.

I was rushing to buy at that time but we had been wanting to buy together for at least 3-5 years before that. I had been saving for almost 9 years, specifically for a house deposit.

yeah, that incompatibility is something that is very evident and I have my regrets about it all.

he is telling me (when not arguing) that he wants to save for an engagement ring, to which I have said is a lovely idea but I want the £4k he owes me first.

he has no savings at all.

a big worry of mine because of course if we don’t split and get married, he would be entitled to all of my savings too?!

OP posts:
Chasbots · 04/01/2026 08:50

Yep, in this situation, you really don't want to get married. I'd say that if you were the male here too as he's clearly got very different financial priorities.

If he can't save for this, he's unlikely to be saving for retirement and if you split later, he'd be entitled to a share of your pension, savings and the house equity.

Or you will be "looking after him" in retirement...

Chasbots · 04/01/2026 08:51

You could always just buy him out of the house now, even if you don't split up. It doesn't sound like you've actually made a decision?

What you do need is less uncertainty in your housing situation.

SkelatorIamNot · 04/01/2026 08:59

I think your first priority should be getting it in writing that he owes you the 5k and getting a repayment plan in place for that.

Don't get married and start saving now to pay him off in and when the time comes. I think the 5k plus any equity would be standard.

You could always give him the 1k back and get him to sign something saying the whole deposit was yours.

VanCleefArpels · 04/01/2026 09:04

As you are not married he doesn’t have any claim on any other finances outwith the house. As a first step I’d go to a mortgage broker and assess whether you would be able to take on the mortgage solo. That will inform your options.

CurlingRibbons · 04/01/2026 09:46

There could be several issues with your current setup. I would take legal advice and look to clarify a secure, binding agreement about the percentage split of equity and the process of selling. Or if at all possible transfer the property to your sole ownership and secure a mortgage yourself.

  • What happens in case of a split (or if the worst happens, the death of one of the partners); As joint tenants, if something happened to you for instance, the house ownership would pass entirely to your partner, regardless of any Will you had made.
  • Dividing any equity growth equally puts you at a disadvantage as the greater contributor. Specify a split of the equity on a percentage basis - so for instance, if you contributed approx 75% of the deposit you would retain a 75% share of the equity after the sale.
  • Protect your deposit - I know of at least two friends who didn't get it in writing before buying. There was no proof. The equity was split equally because their partners refused to sell otherwise. They couldn't proceed without a costly legal battle. One of the friends had to stump up all of the costs of the sale too, as according to her partner it was 'her choice not his' to sell.
  • What happens if he decides he's had enough and just disappears? He would still be a joint owner growing his equity in the property, leaving you paying the mortgage on your own - perhaps for years. It might be impossible to sell in such circumstances if you couldn't track him down and secure his agreement to proceed with a sale.
  • Yes, if you married, he might well be entitled to half of your savings and pension - perhaps even more than half if he was the lower earner, and had less capacity to secure accommodation on a split.
  • He won't care about your financial security if he doesn't give a fig about his own. In these circumstances, I'd take the financial hit now if you can to secure the property and mortgage in your sole name.
Meadowfinch · 04/01/2026 09:48

MaybeNotNo · 03/01/2026 19:31

He would not be entitled to mortgage payments back.

Why did you loan him 5k for the deposit?

You have Options
Sell and split equity or

  1. give him 5k to fuck off or
  2. Work out how much equity you have in the house and either give 50% or % based on the deposit.

If you want to keep the hoise, maybe get a lodger in?

This.

His monthly mortgage contributions have paid for the roof over his head for that month. 🙄

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/01/2026 09:49

Have you recorded it anywhere that he put in 5k when he only have you 1? You need legal advice about this, this set up is a bit silly

cheeseonsofa · 04/01/2026 09:54

DO NOT MARRY HIM
Double up contraception

Split now, waive the 4K as a gesture of goodwill and in lieu of his payments ( ha!) and get him off the mortgage
If you take it on , you can always have a lodger

Nofilter · 04/01/2026 10:46

You say your the breadwinner, does he work?

Original poster
youredeadtomesteven · 04/01/2026 15:54

Nofilter · 04/01/2026 10:46

You say your the breadwinner, does he work?

He does work full time

OP posts:
Original poster
youredeadtomesteven · 04/01/2026 15:56

CurlingRibbons · 04/01/2026 09:46

There could be several issues with your current setup. I would take legal advice and look to clarify a secure, binding agreement about the percentage split of equity and the process of selling. Or if at all possible transfer the property to your sole ownership and secure a mortgage yourself.

  • What happens in case of a split (or if the worst happens, the death of one of the partners); As joint tenants, if something happened to you for instance, the house ownership would pass entirely to your partner, regardless of any Will you had made.
  • Dividing any equity growth equally puts you at a disadvantage as the greater contributor. Specify a split of the equity on a percentage basis - so for instance, if you contributed approx 75% of the deposit you would retain a 75% share of the equity after the sale.
  • Protect your deposit - I know of at least two friends who didn't get it in writing before buying. There was no proof. The equity was split equally because their partners refused to sell otherwise. They couldn't proceed without a costly legal battle. One of the friends had to stump up all of the costs of the sale too, as according to her partner it was 'her choice not his' to sell.
  • What happens if he decides he's had enough and just disappears? He would still be a joint owner growing his equity in the property, leaving you paying the mortgage on your own - perhaps for years. It might be impossible to sell in such circumstances if you couldn't track him down and secure his agreement to proceed with a sale.
  • Yes, if you married, he might well be entitled to half of your savings and pension - perhaps even more than half if he was the lower earner, and had less capacity to secure accommodation on a split.
  • He won't care about your financial security if he doesn't give a fig about his own. In these circumstances, I'd take the financial hit now if you can to secure the property and mortgage in your sole name.

Thank you.

We have a deed of trust as joint tenants which protects our individual deposits.

me - £23k
him - £5k

50/50 share of equity

he has said he will try and pay me £100 a month (£1.2k a year) so it will be paid off in 3.5 years

OP posts:
stollenisthebest · 04/01/2026 16:27

Did you want to be joint tenants i.e. the property automatically goes to the other one if one of you dies?

Is he paying 50% of the mortgage and all bills? He should be if you've agreed to split any profit in excess of the deposits 50/50.

He's not exactly rushing to pay you back the remaining £4k is he? If he was a keeper, he'd be prioritising this debt to you. What would happen if you said you need it paying off quicker or alternatively change the deed if trust to reflect your actual deposits?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/01/2026 17:00

youredeadtomesteven · 04/01/2026 15:56

Thank you.

We have a deed of trust as joint tenants which protects our individual deposits.

me - £23k
him - £5k

50/50 share of equity

he has said he will try and pay me £100 a month (£1.2k a year) so it will be paid off in 3.5 years

Show quote history

But why do you sign this document protecting his 5k that he hasn’t paid? If you split up now he’d be financially better off

Miloarmadillo2 · 04/01/2026 17:24

I don’t understand this ‘you paid his deposit’ bit? You paid £27k and he paid £1k so why does he have £5k protected in this deed of trust. If you split, you get the house revalued, and you would each be owed half of any increase in value if you have paid in equally since the purchase - so half of the sale price minus your deposit if it was sold or half of the increase in value plus his £1k to buy him out. It’s unlikely you could do that though - if you have put your savings into the property where is the money to buy him out coming from - it seems unlikely you’d be able to remortgage for a higher amount on your own.
Don’t marry him - your very different attitudes to finances will cause endless problems.

MindblownMia · 05/01/2026 17:54

OP this sounds really hard. Just offering support and saying you will work this out. Appreciate it’s mega stressful 🫣

EchoesOfOurDreams · 05/01/2026 18:24

youredeadtomesteven · 04/01/2026 15:56

Thank you.

We have a deed of trust as joint tenants which protects our individual deposits.

me - £23k
him - £5k

50/50 share of equity

he has said he will try and pay me £100 a month (£1.2k a year) so it will be paid off in 3.5 years

Show quote history

Why on earth did you agree to this?

EchoesOfOurDreams · 05/01/2026 18:26

Also I don't get why you're saying he paid in £5k when he actually only paid £1k, as you loaned him £4k despite already paying in £23k.

The whole setup sounds bonkers.

LondonLady15 · 05/01/2026 18:50

If the deed of trust is signed and done then he could in effect give you nothing more and he is still owed that 5 grand. No idea why you would sign a legal document that was untrue. Did you have any legal advice or did you lie/withhold information to solicitor? Anyway silly error but you have a few choices.

  1. appeal to his better nature, tell him he doesn’t need to give you the rest of what he owes you and you can either change the deed of trust so you have another 4 grand deposit and he has 1grand. Or offer to take in the whole deposit and give him his grand back, again changing the deed of trust. By the way the deposits should have reflected a percentage of the property price rather than amounts as if prices go up you lose out. This is what I would do if you want to split.
  2. wait 3.5 years till he has paid you back the deposit. Do not marry him!! Decide then if you want to split - bear in mind he will then be owed 50% of any extra equity.
  3. Tell him you want to separate and give him ‘legally’ what he is owed (in the absence of a signed credit agreement between you for the 5 grand). He will likely be entitled to his 5k deposit plus 50% of any increase in the equity since you purchased. You would need a couple of valuations to determine the current value. Who paid what in mortgage payments isn’t relevant as it’s only the value of the house. Sadly if he gets awkward then because you said he funded a deposit that he didn’t you will be out of pocket.
  4. Note to buy him out you will have to do a new mortgage application (you can’t just take someone off) and credit check for the new amount. You’ll also need a solicitor to remove him from the deeds.