How do you stop constantly wanting to buy more stuff

[Bottlesofrumonthewall]

I’m trying to be more eco-friendly and sustainable, and the two feel at odds. Constantly buying and changing things doesn’t sit well environmentally, but I also don’t want to live in a state of permanent dissatisfaction with what I already have.

So how do others manage this?
Is it more about mindset than strict rules?
Do you limit buying, avoid browsing, practise gratitude, buy second-hand, or do “no buy” periods?
Or do you accept that wanting things is just part of being human and try to keep it in check?

This gets easier as you get older I think. You learn that "stuff" needs dusting, washing, and generally taking care of. You have to buy more stuff (shelves, cupboards, boxes, a bigger house) to store it. Then it wears out or you start to wonder why on earth you bought it in the first place and have the hassle of taking it to the tip, or paying to dispose of it. Eventually you start to notice that new things rarely change your life one iota.

Maybe you can speed up this process by just noticing all the times a new acquisition doesn't really make any difference in your life, or actually becomes a burden.

Cut yourself some slack if you are young though. A first sofa WILL change your life more than a replacement bought just to look a bit newer. And a few decent clothes are necessary to get a job or spouse.

Buy the best you can afford of everything, but only when it needs replacing (don't buy the best all at once). When you have really good quality stuff you lose the drive to buy lots of poor quality cheap things as they aren't as good as what you already have. Before long you have a collection of great things and lose interest in "stuff" altogether.

I think just liking the things you buy in the first place. I don’t not buy new things for environmental reasons or gratitude but because I like the duvet cover I already have.

Also, maybe it’s not feeling like I have to keep up. Being more confident in myself. My phone is an iPhone SE from (I think) 2020 and last week someone asked me why I didn’t have a newer phone as if I should be a bit embarrassed or I couldn’t afford it but because I’m not buying new shit all of the time I’ve got loads of money so I don’t feel insecure about having an older phone. That’s quite hard to explain.

this is a very interesting question, OP.

I've got better over time but still struggle

Buyi the exact right thing first time even if it takes a bit of finding. Don't keep online stuff just because you want one, send it back unless you really like it. That helps so much.

Declutter and tidy up so you value the space, so that a new thing has to earn its place. Once my wardrobe was tidy and organised I valued my existing possessions much more. Compulsive shopping is about the thrill of the new, someone commented on a blogger "she shops all the time because she hates her stuff" and that really resonated with me.

Do the "shop your wardrobe" thing, learn what you have, use an app like Whering to catalog your stuff just so you know what you have. I probably have ADHD and since menopause my memory is terrible so I forget I don't need flared jeans and buy more (trying to buy a thinner version of myself!)

I’m a work in progress but my nemesis is clothes. I’ve just downloaded Whering to start a capsule wardrobe, see what gaps I have. Anything I don’t feel like adding to the app, I’ll get rid of. Then I will only buy things that I have a gap for. Hopefully! I also find the stress of stuff overwhelming as I get older.

I buy the best quality I can afford and then stick with it. E.g. my sofas are 23 years old, my bed is 20 years old, crockery & cutlery are 40 years old.
I don't replace things until they break or wear out and I have everything I need, so I buy very little.
This year for the house I had to buy a new hairdryer and a new vacuum cleaner (the old ones died). In terms of clothes, I work out what I need to replace each season & limit myself to that.
I only go shopping/browsing if I actually need something. No aimless wandering around the shops. It saves a huge amount of time too.

I buy stuff that I like and I stick with it until it breaks or wears out, anything else is wasteful imo. We were quite poor growing up so mend and make do comes naturally to me. It helps too that so many products now are poor quality, pretty much junk really, so I am rarely tempted to buy stuff I dont need.

I started with cosmetics and cleaning stuff years ago that I would only buy once I have run out of something, and I really hate the look of loads of toiletries in a bathroom. Really sad but that sort of gave me the thrill of using something up first and now really makes me think whether I need something. I don’t buy something knew if the version I already have is in working order. A boring example but the kitchen utensils we have I bought 15 years ago for £1 each in b&m. They’re still going strong and I won’t replace until I need to. I have one item of each make up tupe, and won’t buy new unless it runs out.

second, I’ve always loved charity shops even when I was young so buying stuff second hand has lead me to not enjoy buying full price or from mainstream shops at higher prices. Over time this has lead me to hate conventional shopping. But I still love buying stuff, I often have a big clearout of clothes and whenever I do I realise that 90% are from charity shops, I also then feel less guilty at buying stuff which I don’t wear because it was only ever from a charity shop and will be going back to charity shops. this does mean though I don’t follow fashions at all, and I distinctly hate fast fashion shops. Now I’m older and have more disposable income I try to buy higher quality items, with the intention they last for years. I’d rather spend £200 on a jumper that I’ll have for years and year than have 3 x £60 jumpers that are medium quality. I have one pair of casual trainers for example.

I also distinctly hate fast fashion, and wouldn’t ever buy myself something from Primark, shein, PLT etc etc. I try to only buy natural fabrics as well which rules out many items clothes wise. Even if I see something in a shop I like if it’s 100% synthetic material I won’t buy it.

I try to limit what I buy from Amazon, have a wish list / basket full of stuff and order in one go every few weeks, this is mostly to limit the number of delivery journeys to me, but an impact is that I really think about what I need whether that’s dog poo bags, light bulbs etc etc

Find the thing you love buying that's low impact. So for me that's ebooks. My favourite thing to buy is a new book so I have that shopping fix from those without guilt.

Bravo 👏 trying to do exactly the same

What kind of stuff are you itching to buy?
Furniture? Clothes? Shoes? Tech?

I second using charity shops and other sources to fulfil the hunter gatherer feeling. For example, most of my clothes are charity shop but I made an exception for some Solovair boots I found in the outlet store last year. They will last and I feel like finding them in the right size and colour was a big win so still get that ping of achievement whenever I put them on, just like I do from buying from going to the little eco place in the next village to get my bread.

Similarly, my favourite furniture is the good quality sofa and armchairs we bought for £50 from eBay for the frame and had recovered, and a once manky old barley twist dresser out of a friend's garage, which I stripped and painted.

I feel like shops is so easy and yet miserable, there is no dopamine in it. But you can put the dopamine back in without being consumerist.

Oh, and one thing that weirdly did really work for me was reading somewhere that after you have what you want you're just paying to warehouse stuff you don't. After I started looking at my house as a warehouse of stuff it lost the appeal.

A combination. I have never bought from Amazon and have never looked at their website. I very rarely online shop at all - only if I really can’t find what I need at my local shops. I appreciate this only works because I live in a moderate sized city. But it does impact my algorithms so I don’t get ads coming up in my SM. I also don’t follow any influencers.

I have a mindset of valuing experiences over stuff. My time is spent doing things rather than buying things. And I also worry about my DCs future. The way we live now is not sustainable.

Any time I do need something I start by trying to find a second hand option. I read a lot but get books from the library. Things like that.

I think the mindset change and the change in how you spend your time is the place to start

Stuff, won’t make you happy!
I say as someone with mid stage Parkinson’s at 63, I but great food, value my cat , who is fab, family and friends.
Often life is tough, disabiling and achy

My downfall is beautiful things - scarves,.earrings,. blouses, dresses etc.
If they are beautiful i feel the need to own them. I've tried to change my response by saying "I am glad something that beautiful exists" in my head. Just enjoying it is out there.

I also pay myself some "pocket money" into a separate account and that is what I can use for frivolities. Once it's spent then it's spent.

I haven't managed to find a way to stop buying books yet though!

Accept that companies are very good at getting to to want and buy stuff. That it’s all over us and soaked through everything we look at. Firstly that helps you see it (person on TV wears something [that they’ve been given for free because they’re on a particular show that people who can be persuaded watch]; someone, amazingly, starts a thread on MN asking where to buy it; someone else links to it; you have a look; website asks for your email address; phone manufacturers keep asking you to switch on notifications until you say yes to shut your phone up; shop sends you notifications of it every day; pictures of the thing you look at pop up all over the place).

Secondly it helps you forgive yourself. You’re not alone in being someone that marketing experts can sell to; they are brilliant, geniuses. We’re all susceptible.

So you come to a full understanding that your eyes, your attention are money to them. You can spend that money with the marketing geniuses, or on people and activities that matter more to you. And I say that knowing I’ve already been on my phone for an hour plus this morning.

A few things:

Save a proportion of your take home as soon as you get paid into an account that penalises you for withdrawing - ‘pay yourself first’. If the money’s not there you can’t spend it. Have a goal in mind - a course, a holiday, paying off a chunk of mortgage etc.

Value experience with others, nurture your relationships and allocate some money to do so.

Accept that buying some stuff is enjoyable and set aside some money for this but limit it to the best you can afford so it’s less likely to break or fall apart.

Buy a big, old, hairy horse!
Then you won’t be able to afford to buy clothes, furniture, make up, or tech, ever again! 😄 😄

Although this answer is slightly tongue in cheek as obviously you need to live in the countryside and have some land to do this; I find looking after an animal this size does lend itself to a sustainable non-shopping lifestyle because it changes your focus completely.

You are up before dawn and asleep at night early. You are totally in sync with the seasons; spending most of your time other than your day job outdoors doing physical work; mucking out, hauling feed, harrowing fields, mending fences. You are aware of all of the trees plants and wildlife around you.

Everything is make do and mend. Most purchases for your horse are second hand and you constantly scour local sales for pre-used tack or old equipment. A thousand uses for baler twine.

Every purchase you make for yourself eg Wellington boots is weighed up very, very carefully in advance for longevity. and every item is worn until it has holes or falls apart.
No need for make up or nice clothes as they just get muddy or torn. Everything is about warmth and functionality,

You end up with a load of manure so you make compost and start growing things on it and all of a sudden you have a veg patch. You eat your own home grown veg and then buy chickens who eat the scraps. So you have eggs. You start growing your own hay. You’re totally in sync with the seasons.

In summer you socialise outside; no one comes in to your home and no one expects your home to look chi chi anyway. People are more interested in how you made fire bricks from dung and your home made device that funnels rain water in to your horse’s trough.

In winter, you entertain in your kitchen. Or go to a local pub. Everyone is in the same boat feeling the pinch so you help each other out when two sets of hands are required. Presents are usually home made food stuffs like cakes and preserves. Or in summer, vegetables or flowers. In summary, a sustainable lifestyle is much easier in the countryside.

I wouldn’t but something to replace something I already have, just because it’s more eco friendly. I’d change it when it needed changing.
I blame SM for a lot of this, people buying fancy plastic holders for their fabric conditioner and washing liquid when it’s already in a container, what a waste.

@Citronellacompostella that sounds idyllic.

During lockdown I used up all the travel size toiletries I had, and any bits I had that I wasn’t using, and that started me on a more frugal path. I don’t use shower gel, I like soap and occasionally treat myself to some nice smelling French soap, so any shower gel I’m gifted goes straight in the food bank box.
The soap isn’t cheap, but I buy less frequently, and good quality stuff for myself.
I had a clear out of the loft some years ago and it felt good, I now enjoy having less stuff, but I do use what I have.

I'm still wearing clothes I bought or was given in the 90s, and I only ever buy things I need not things I want.

But when I buy them I try to buy exactly what it is that I need. I research what I want and usually by the time I find I need it rather than want it, I've got bored of the idea or find an second hand one that more than fits the bill.

What is it you think you want to buy OP?

Cotronella that’s lovely .. i immediately want to buy a house. May you , your horse and your garden have a joyful , happy and totally muddy Christmas.