Financial needed- friend’s money issues making him suicidal

[GrandHighVitch]

My friend (45) is at the end of his tether and now keeps saying he doesn’t know how he can go on. He works in construction. He rents a small one bed apartment. He has three children. One is an adult, and the other two are young teenagers that he pays maintenance for. He also has his grandfather in a care home/sheltered accommodation (not sure which) who he has to pay rent for. So he’s essentially paying his rent, his grandfather’s rent and child maintenance. He has a car that has broken down and he can’t afford to replace. He keeps doing temporary fixes on it but they don’t last as the car is on its last legs. He has bills coming in, can barely afford to eat, and can’t sleep from the stress.

This morning he contacted me saying he doesn’t know how to continue, said something about bailiffs and he felt sick with stress. I’m so worried about him. He was suicidal when his previous relationship broke down and his ex moved abroad with his two younger children, and he attempted twice to kill himself. I’m worried he seems to be heading to that place again but don’t know how to help him. I’ve given him money to help pay bills where I can but I can’t afford to keep doing this myself.

Can anyone advise me on any financial support he/his grandfather may be entitled to to help with his living costs/rent as the burden of this seems to be the area that is really adding strain to my friend. He says he looked into financial support for him before but there was nothing available, which seems crazy. His grandfather has no assets or income other than his state pension. His grandfather has two children and then a number of grandchildren, but due to childhood abuse, my friend was brought up by his grandparents, doesn’t see his mother (grandfather’s daughter) and he doesn’t seem to have any relationship with anyone else in the family. I’ve asked why the burden of his grandfather’s rent is solely on my friend but he always shuts down when we talk about his family so I have no answers regarding that.

Can anyone advise me on anything that may help my friend. Thank you.

Is he in the UK or Scotland?

Grandfather needs to move to a care home that the council will pay & doesnt require a top up. He needs to speak to social services and explain he cant continue to pay the top up fees and will stop paying immediately.
can he reduce his child maintenance?

England

This. He shouldn’t be paying grandfathers bills. If he doesn’t have the funds himself then the council need to step in.

Adding in here, if your friend had really looked into it he would have discovered that the council will pay care fees. It seems more like he has guilt feelings as his grandparents brought him up, that’s probably why he shuts down at the subject.

If his grandfather has no assets or money other than state pension then he needs a social services assessment. That will determine the level of care that the government is prepared to pay for.

if that assessment comes back that he needs a care home then the government will pay for the care home. If it comes back that he needs carers they will pay for the carers.

there are a lot of other benefits available to elderly people with health issues. Try attendance allowance.

I think that’s it exactly. I just told him there must be support available and he said he’s looked and there was nothing. I think his grandfather is really happy where he is and my friend can’t bear to move him somewhere else.

If he is talking about bailiffs, he needs to seek professional debt advice. There will be local charities that can help.

Ok that’s great and really helpful. I will pass this on to him.

Has he actually spoken to the local council? Is it because his dad has assets and could pay for his own care?

Again, more great advice. Thank you!

As above regarding outgoings.

National Debtline or Step Change if he needs help dealing with debt and Bailiffs etc.

Certainly his grandfather will be eligible for many benefits, if he's in a care home then fees will be covered and if he's still at home he will get his rent and council tax paid and will be eligible for carers coming in too. As others have said, if he's in a care home get him to phone adult social care to do an assessment, if they haven't already done one. If he's at home then I would suggest a visit to Citizens Advice to find out grandad's benefit entitlement and he can also talk to them about his own situation too. How sad, he's obviously under a lot of pressure. So lovely to you to try and help him. I hope he can get the support of the relevant agencies to get the necessary support and benefits.

I don’t believe his grandfather has anything asset wise. Tbh I’m struggling to get info out of him. Walls come up when you mention his family, his children, his ex partner. He’s very closed off, I think because of his background, and it’s hard to get to the bottom of it all. When he tried to kill himself previously it came completely out of the blue as no one had any idea he’d been struggling at all because he communicates with most people on a surface level, doesn’t talk about feelings/emotions, doesn’t like talking about his life.

And that’s the problem. As kind as it is to want to pay his rent and keep him happy, it’ll be no good to his grandfather when something really serious happens, like your friend loses his job or just doesn’t have the money to pay the rent and his grandfather loses his house.

Thank you so much to everyone who has answered so far. There is a lot for him to look into to try and help him out.

I would suggest that he approaches a community debt advice charity rather than a national helpline, as they may be able to connect him to other local sources of help as well as just dealing with his debt.

Please encourage him to seek help - debt is one of the major drivers of suicide in men. The advisers will be used to seeing people in this situation and they will not judge. They are there to help.

You can find a local charity here:

https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/money-troubles/dealing-with-debt/debt-advice-locator

He should go into his local citizens advice who will be able to:

1. make sure he is claiming everything to which he is entitled
2. give debt advice
3. guve budgeting advice if this is an issue
4. advise on Grandpa’s position

He's unlikely to be entitled to any benefits himself if working full time unless he wants to go down the route of looking at disability benefits for his mental health. Unfortunately the benefit system doesn't take into consideration outgoings such as child maintenance but he could check that he is paying the correct amount.
If his dad has nothing to pay his rent with then he needs to look at what benefits he can claim - pension credit to top up a low state pension, housing benefit, council tax support? Somewhere like Age Uk would be a good first point of call.

Depends on income - renters will often be entitled to help if on a low income even if working full time. An online calculator such as Turn2us is useful

That. Exactly.

Whenever people talk about large sums paid in benefits rent is in the mix.

Second what everyone has said about supporting his DGF but he shouldn't be doing this if its causing such financial difficulties.

Older people are entitled to a lot more financial support than working age people so they should be using this.

If he's renting and getting into debt he should get advice on this. He shouldn't be paying any debts that he can't afford after he's set up a sustainable budget that includes food, tent, child maintenance, bills, car repairs etc. He may need a DRO or bankruptcy.

If he's in construction he should be able to earn decent money, ie well above NMW but if he's a subcontractor he needs to make sure he's paying the right amount of tax and do his tax returns on time, plus invoice if relevant.

If he's self employed he needs to put money aside for tax, but if he's on CIS he might even get money back when he does a tax return but either way he needs to keep on top of this or it will make his problems worse.

As other posters have said - he will definitely be able to get help for his grandfather, which will lessen the burden on him. What he might also need, and this may be where you come in, is help with filling out the forms, and for targetted help in contacting agencies. I hope everything goes well for him and for you. You're a very kind person.

Grandpa can claim pension credit, attendance allowance, and possibly also get financial help with rent, carers, council tax, warm homes payment etc. https://www.gov.uk/pension-credit Your friend might get some help with rent via universal credit, or the non-means-tested PIP if his daily life and self care type activities are badly affected. Age concern are good, citizens advice website is good, local food banks are often well plugged into local advice and welfare. If you have a carers centre in your area, I would contact them. Other option is to ask the GP practice if they have social prescribing services to point him towards finding the expertise he needs.

edited to say attendance allowance isn’t means tested so they can apply even if his grandad is the type of very proud elderly person who would refuse a financial assessment

What?????