Financial needed- friend’s money issues making him suicidal

[GrandHighVitch]

My friend (45) is at the end of his tether and now keeps saying he doesn’t know how he can go on. He works in construction. He rents a small one bed apartment. He has three children. One is an adult, and the other two are young teenagers that he pays maintenance for. He also has his grandfather in a care home/sheltered accommodation (not sure which) who he has to pay rent for. So he’s essentially paying his rent, his grandfather’s rent and child maintenance. He has a car that has broken down and he can’t afford to replace. He keeps doing temporary fixes on it but they don’t last as the car is on its last legs. He has bills coming in, can barely afford to eat, and can’t sleep from the stress.

This morning he contacted me saying he doesn’t know how to continue, said something about bailiffs and he felt sick with stress. I’m so worried about him. He was suicidal when his previous relationship broke down and his ex moved abroad with his two younger children, and he attempted twice to kill himself. I’m worried he seems to be heading to that place again but don’t know how to help him. I’ve given him money to help pay bills where I can but I can’t afford to keep doing this myself.

Can anyone advise me on any financial support he/his grandfather may be entitled to to help with his living costs/rent as the burden of this seems to be the area that is really adding strain to my friend. He says he looked into financial support for him before but there was nothing available, which seems crazy. His grandfather has no assets or income other than his state pension. His grandfather has two children and then a number of grandchildren, but due to childhood abuse, my friend was brought up by his grandparents, doesn’t see his mother (grandfather’s daughter) and he doesn’t seem to have any relationship with anyone else in the family. I’ve asked why the burden of his grandfather’s rent is solely on my friend but he always shuts down when we talk about his family so I have no answers regarding that.

Can anyone advise me on anything that may help my friend. Thank you.

Last time I looked Scotland was still part of the UK.

If hes paying his grandfathers rent he could be paying a lot depending on whether it’s sheltered housing or care home. Thats the easiest thing to get help for - as a single, employed man with no childcare responsibilities he’s unlikely to qualify for anything himself.

Does he have power of attorney for his grandfather? I’d sort that out first because if his GF looses capacity everything becomes much harder. Will his GF apply for support with rent? He should be entitled to housing support so I’d start there.

Your friend may need someone to sit down and go through things bit by bit, things can feel insurmountable but there’s often a way to chip away at things once you see the whole picture but your friend needs to be open to looking at it and to things changing.

Does he have any support for his mental health? Medication isn’t a magic wand but it often creates enough headspace to be able to tackle the underlying issues and can be very helpful to get through a tough period.

Whether grandad is in a care home or sheltered, his rent/fees are covered if he can’t afford it.

He needs to STOP paying all his grandfathers costs and only then will he be able to claim assistance!! He’s actually causing the delay by paying it!! If he calls adult social services and tells them that from now on his grandfather is their problem and makes it clear he can’t and won’t be paying his bills anymore then they will get the appropriate funding in place for him

Your poor friend
I’d contact Age Uk for some advice - they were really helpful to us as a family when my Grandma was alive and gave us all sorts of advice and they organised meals on wheels, benefits, got her out to day centres etc they were an absolute godsend. It was a game changer. My aunt now volunteers for them.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk

Sorry to hear your friend is struggling and nice of you to help him out.

Moneysavingexpert is a great website and will be able to help with all things money.

You can write a confidential note to his gp

Collingwood Health Group - Collingwood Surgery - Can I speak to a GP about someone else's health? https://share.google/4luMGkGpGkROUxz7v