Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Child maintenance query

45 replies

NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 13:42

Hi I am writing here as I'm really struggling.
A brief description of my problem is I have 2 children ages 13 and 16 the 16 year old decided he wanted to live full time at his dad's and his dad got on to child maintenance immediately, I have to pay £330 a month for him and I am struggling to afford this, I have tried explaining to his dad and he's not interested and I have asked my son to move back in for half the time but his dad has told him if he does he will have to pay rent to him to make up for the loss of money.

I am doing without meals and can't afford anything and don't know what to do, child maintenance said circumstances don't matter and it's just how often they stay overnight.

Has anyone had any experience of this as I'm getting deeper and deeper in debt and it's killing me.

OP posts:
Didntask · 30/09/2025 13:44

Is he not paying you for the 13yo?

ARichtGoodDram · 30/09/2025 13:46

Is he paying you for your other child, and have CMS correctly calculated the discount for you having another child in your home?

Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 13:46

Hi he has him 50% of the time so no we don't get anything for my other son.

OP posts:
Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 13:47

ARichtGoodDram · 30/09/2025 13:46

Is he paying you for your other child, and have CMS correctly calculated the discount for you having another child in your home?

Hi I assume they have I can't see this mentioned on anything.

OP posts:
TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 30/09/2025 13:47

What's happening about maintenence for the other child?

Maintenence is only 12% of your wages, so you'll probably need to find other ways to cut back if you're struggling to pay it. It's not really a high percentage of your income.

Didntask · 30/09/2025 13:48

Had he told you it's £330, or have you done the calculations?

Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 13:48

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 30/09/2025 13:47

What's happening about maintenence for the other child?

Maintenence is only 12% of your wages, so you'll probably need to find other ways to cut back if you're struggling to pay it. It's not really a high percentage of your income.

Thank you I am a single parent and I agree it's not a big percentage but I have so many bills it's really taking a toll

OP posts:
Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 13:49

Didntask · 30/09/2025 13:48

Had he told you it's £330, or have you done the calculations?

Just got the letter it's gone up from £310 from last year to £330 from October this year

OP posts:
TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 30/09/2025 13:50

NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 13:48

Thank you I am a single parent and I agree it's not a big percentage but I have so many bills it's really taking a toll

Show quote history

You'll only be paying maintenence for a relatively short period, just another 2 years, so are there things like loan payments you can reduce for the short term?

ARichtGoodDram · 30/09/2025 13:51

Hi I assume they have I can't see this mentioned on anything.

It should be detailed on your letter

Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 13:52

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 30/09/2025 13:50

You'll only be paying maintenence for a relatively short period, just another 2 years, so are there things like loan payments you can reduce for the short term?

Show quote history

Thank you I have and still am trying constantly to do this, I have tried changing mortgage, extending loans, selling everything I can.

OP posts:
Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 13:53

ARichtGoodDram · 30/09/2025 13:51

Hi I assume they have I can't see this mentioned on anything.

It should be detailed on your letter

Thank you I am on shift at the moment I will check the letter again as soon as I'm home.

OP posts:
Didntask · 30/09/2025 13:55

It has to be paid, so you're going to need to make cuts elsewhere. Guessing you're on roughly £33k a year? Budget everything. Write every cost down. See what can be frozen, minimised or cut from your outgoings.

Could you take in a lodger? AirBnb a spare room?

Just an aside - you saying you want your son back for financial reasons and the child's father threatening to charge his 16yo rent if he does come back to you is pretty shitty for your son. You need to think about how that makes him feel.

Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 13:58

Didntask · 30/09/2025 13:55

It has to be paid, so you're going to need to make cuts elsewhere. Guessing you're on roughly £33k a year? Budget everything. Write every cost down. See what can be frozen, minimised or cut from your outgoings.

Could you take in a lodger? AirBnb a spare room?

Just an aside - you saying you want your son back for financial reasons and the child's father threatening to charge his 16yo rent if he does come back to you is pretty shitty for your son. You need to think about how that makes him feel.

No sorry I don't want him back for financial reasons I worded that wrong. I want him here full time I've even said if he did we wouldn't want any money from his dad but he is obsessed with his dad and does everything he tells him (my son is quite abusive and nasty to me because his dad feeds him lies) I want him here as much as I can but he panics if we say stay overnight as his dad has a go at him

OP posts:
PinkFrogss · 30/09/2025 13:58

Can you list your income and outgoings?

Obviously you have to pay for your child, this is non negotiable and not something you can change, but we may be able to help you budget in other areas so you can afford the maintenance without debt.

Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 14:01

PinkFrogss · 30/09/2025 13:58

Can you list your income and outgoings?

Obviously you have to pay for your child, this is non negotiable and not something you can change, but we may be able to help you budget in other areas so you can afford the maintenance without debt.

Thank you I have been in touch with stepchange the debt charity and they have done a plan but it's still not close they even said this is becoming a massive problem with the increase in cost of living

OP posts:
Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 14:12

Basically we want him with us but his dad has said if he does that he will have to get a job to make up for the money he will be losing and so my son does not want to do that. I am completely stuck and can't see a way out at all.

OP posts:
CinnamonBuns67 · 30/09/2025 14:18

It's unfortunate that you are in this position OP but theres nothing you can do about it. Do you make sure you claim everything you can? (Child benefit/Universal Credit etc), use foodbanks if needed.

TallulahBetty · 30/09/2025 14:23

What's the reason he has him FT? Surely it can't be the plan for him to never stay at yours? Even one or two nights would drop the amount down

Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 14:28

TallulahBetty · 30/09/2025 14:23

What's the reason he has him FT? Surely it can't be the plan for him to never stay at yours? Even one or two nights would drop the amount down

When he was 15 he said I want to live with my dad as it's closer to school so we said ok and arranged for him to be with us every Friday to Monday, then one day he said he wanted to stay full time (I have been told by my other son his dad bribes him with PlayStation and new phones etc) so I got legal advice and was told once he was 16 (which was in a few months) he can choose anywhere he wants.

OP posts:
TallulahBetty · 30/09/2025 14:32

Have you applied for UC and do you get child benefit? Work FT? Got Council Tax discount? On the lowest possible tariffs for utilities, broadband etc?

Theunamedcat · 30/09/2025 14:33

Are you sure that's correct? Are that taking into account the other child who lives with you? You can talk to them if its too much my ex has had several months off when its got too hard for him

Unfortunately if he stays in education you might end up paying until 19

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 30/09/2025 14:34

Yabu. Fathers are expected to pay, mothers are no different.

Original poster
NurseSarah2 · 30/09/2025 14:37

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 30/09/2025 14:34

Yabu. Fathers are expected to pay, mothers are no different.

Sir I am not saying I won't pay I'm saying I want him with me and his father is bribing him so he gets all the money. I always pay what I should I just think it's unfair he can do this that's all. But thank you for your comment.

OP posts:
InMyShowgirlEra · 30/09/2025 14:38

I'm quite surprised as normally when CMS is discussed on here it's universally agreed that the amount paid doesn't even touch the sides and is nowhere near half the cost of raising a child, but you are saying that £330 a month is more than the cost of having your child with you half the time.

Surely you're saving a lot of money by his Dad now covering all his expenses?