Can only marred couples answer please.

[Richesme]

After my last posts about my husband wanting to go halves in paying bills rent etc when I start working full time, I’ve sat down with him and even though we had a disagreement about going halves, he eventually said, you can keep all your money to yourself and do your own spendings or savings from there.

He doesn’t believe that couples either put all their money in one pot or go halves in proportionate to their wages. His works in the bank therefore tells me that he has many customers come in to open joint accounts and they go halves.

I want to find out as married couples, how do you guys manage your money, bills, rent, mortgage, spendings, savings and investments?

Wages go in to our own account and then we each transfer a set amount in to a joint account to pay for bills etc. We also transfer an amount each into a joint savings account. We do put pretty similar amounts in, mainly because we earn similar amounts. We're also fairly relaxed about paying for things from our seperate accounts for each other - so if one of us is running low by the end of the month the other will happily pay for things for the other.

Everything in one pot. Honestly I personally don't understand getting married - the main purpose of which is literally to unify your finances and entitles you to 50% of the assets each - and then piddling over his and hers, as though it means a damn thing. Legally it doesn't, it's just financial control.

We have children so we do what's best for our family and our children as a team, and we trust one another to spend prudently.

If he wanted total financial independence he should not have married. If he doesn't trust you or doesn't feel that you are a team, why did he marry you? For the party?

Sorry I'm not meaning to be unkind, hope it comes across as validating as I would be upset by this.

He presumably has some emotional reasoning or concerns of his own and maybe hearing him out can help you get to the bottom of this. But honestly I think I would separate from my husband before having children if he was steadfast in this position.

All our earnings are paid into the joint account, all bills and household expenses paid from here. We each have a pocket money account and we each get the same monthly money into their which we spend as we please. Our savings from our joint money is either in joint accounts or exactly equal amounts paid into individual isas for tax purposes.

Together 20 years - we pooled our money very early on and share everything as a team, bills/ extra money - we share and just think about each others needs as well as our own. I as the main earner early on for quite a few years but now he is the main earner x

All our initial income and all bills come out of the joint bank account. There is no such thing as “going halves” with us.
The only reason I have separate savings is because I used to pay less tax. It’s still joint money.

All money goes into one account. Savings into a joint account. Bills come out of this account. No one does this "my money, your money" rubbish.

Joint account here but savings are in individual names.

I love this and just how me and my DH work (total opposite to how it was with my ex) to the degree that when he had to do a lot of overtime over the pandemic and couldn’t help so much with the children and I felt our youngest needed to go to nursery for his sake and mine (no baby groups open etc and also homeschooling) then he was fine about paying for it even though left us with very little disposable income. I still wanted to stay at home until DC started school but a few months later a job came up that would not have considered applying for if DC had not been settled and happy in nursery, I got the job, initially my entire salary went on childcare but 5 years later I’m still in the job (professional moderately well paid so not one I could of just picked up now, experience etc would of been out of date) and we are much better off as a family for it than if I hadn’t gone for it.

When we created a family we had joint everything. After kids left home we had separate accounts again so we can spend our money on whatever we like with no need for consultation etc.

Slight variation from many...
All the wages from one person go into one joint account. This is used to pay all regular bills (Mortgage, Rates TV, Car Tax etc).
All the wages from the second person go into another Joint account. This is used for day to day living (food, meals out, clothes, hobbies etc).
All accounts are joint except things that can't be eg ISAs but non joint accounts are balanced so that we each have the same amount.

At times there may have been only one of us working or one of us earning more than the other... Everything is shared equally at all times. Even when one of us has an expensive hobby/car/bill etc.

DH is sole breadwinner. He gets paid into his own account.

Every month he puts money into:

1. All bills and mortgage
2. A joint account that is for housekeeping expenses
3. My personal account, and this is my spending money only

We're pretty much identical to this; we also have a pet savings account in case any vet bills exceed/aren't covered by insurance.

We have our salaries paid into our individual accounts, and each pay a proportionate amount relevant to our earnings into a joint account for bills and day to day family spending. We usually then have a similar amount each in our individual accounts for personal spending. I earn more so I pay more towards bills. I don’t think it’s fair to ‘go halves’ when you earn differently. Surely you should be a team and both deserve the same quality of life!

Everything into the joint account, that gives financial transparency as you can see what the other person's wages are, no secret bonuses or secret pay rises. That gets posted about on here more than you think. Someone suddenly finds a pay slip and realises their husband, usually the husband as this is MN, is earning £30k more than the wife thought.

This also means everyone is paying proportionately to their salaries.

We move money from the joint account into individual accounts as fun money and also money from the joint account into savings.

This thread shows your Dh is wrong, so I don't know what bank he works for.

We also have money chats all the time, what we are planning to spend in the next year, what we feel we could cut back on from the previous year, what would we change, what are our goals.

Your Dh's response is worrying because he sees his money as his and he seems to be guarding it. Have you seen a payslip? A P60? A tax return? Do you know what he is actually earning?

Fwiw I dint see the point of having separate accounts, splitting half etc… if you’re married. It’s seen as everything is shared if you divorce.

unless the point is fir the highest earner to actively say ‘I’ve got more spare money than you and can afford more luxuries’. In which case, I’m not sure why people married or even stay together.

Wages go into one pot. This then pays bills etc and some is transferred to savings and we both get the same pocket money. DH significantly outearns me

When we've spoken about this DH has always said that he can't understand why you wouldn't want your partner to have the same kind of lifestyle as yourself.

One pot for us! Has been that way a long time before DCs, we moved in together quickly and started sharing every penny then. We don’t even discuss who spends what - all wages and all bills out of one account. Separately DH has his business account and I have my inheritance account.

Married 13 years. Since about year 2 or 3 of married life, all income has gone into a joint account. All bills and family expenditure, childcare, savings etc is from that pot. We each transfer a small amount (£100/month now but was less when we earned less) to a personal accounts to cover small personal spends, a meal with friends, presents to each other etc. This has been the case through maternity leave, shared parental leave and we have both been the higher earner at different points.

Same here. And we have a points credit card that all the supermarket shops/flights/big house goods payments go on which he generally pays off each month as he earns more than me. The credit cards earn airmiles so this helps pay for holidays.

The fact that most married couples have their salaries going into a joint account and also know each other's passwords to their accounts and social media and emails etc. is a revelation to me. I was married for years, but we never had kids. We were early to mid-thirties when we married, and he's always earned a lot more than me, plus came into the marriage with significant assets. So I never felt like I could ask for our salaries to be paid into one joint account - and actually, I went our whole marriage without realising that this is what married couples usually do. Same with all kinds of passwords. When you get married, no one tells you this! We did have a joint account, but it never really took off.

We're getting divorced now, because he turned out to be an emotionally abusive arsehole. He hounded me about my weight for years, no matter what size I was. I can't imagine what it would have been like if he'd been able to see that I went to this or that restaurant.

I'm in my fifties now, and the idea of pooling my money and someone having my passwords gives me the heebie-jeebies. I really don't want someone else seeing what I'm spending, and I like my privacy. I guess I've had my bank accounts and email and social media to myself for so long that I can't imagine another person seeing everything I'm doing. But I can also see that pooling everything must give you a great sense of being a team, and it must be really nice to feel that you have a financial partner, like if you have a big unexpected expense or a job loss.

Separate accounts, all household bills come out on bank, husband sends me his half on his payday
he also pays all the food shopping as he earns more than me, then we each keep our own money for whatever else

This for us.

All money is joint money, neither of us begrudge the other spending on clothes, meals out etc, we are both sensible. We have separate credit cards but that's it.

All big purchase decisions are made together. We don't ever fall out about money.

Contributing equal amounts of money doesn't equate to equality within a relationship. Someone earning much more than their partner but expecting the bills to be spilt 50/50 is actually a form of financial abuse in my opinion.

Bills should either be spilt proportionate to earnings if couples keep separate accounts or preferably all money goes into one pot.

We have a joint account where we put a set amount in each. That amount has varied over the years as earnings in the couple have varied and obviously expenses too. When we earned roughly the same amount we did 50/50. When there was a big disparity we worked out a percentage split that seemed fair.

That amount covered all rent, bills, joint savings and holidays etc…. What was left belonged to each person for fun money.

We have our own accounts and a joint account which we put into for savings/holidays/childcare etc. DH pays all the main bills -mortgage, car, nursery etc and i pay some of the little bills (tv license, water etc).

I only work part time due to childcare issues and he has a much higher salary and so pays for the majority of stuff but we do share other stuff (e.g il pay for shopping if i go, the odd takeaway, school uniforms, because im the one who goes out and has time to do these things) but most of my money is mine and most of his is ours, I understand its not a conventional set up but he earns so much more than i do and has never been stingy with money. We have the same attitude towards money and ive never had to ask him for a penny, but he did automatically top up my account when i was mat leave etc so i would never have to ask.it really depends on your relationship and what youre happy with doing there is no right or wrong way, what i lack in money i make up for in childcare, cleaning etc just as im at home more often with the kids