Can only marred couples answer please.

[Richesme]

After my last posts about my husband wanting to go halves in paying bills rent etc when I start working full time, I’ve sat down with him and even though we had a disagreement about going halves, he eventually said, you can keep all your money to yourself and do your own spendings or savings from there.

He doesn’t believe that couples either put all their money in one pot or go halves in proportionate to their wages. His works in the bank therefore tells me that he has many customers come in to open joint accounts and they go halves.

I want to find out as married couples, how do you guys manage your money, bills, rent, mortgage, spendings, savings and investments?

As soon as we got married he added me on to his accounts and credit cards. We've since had kids and I'm a SAHM so our current deal is that he makes the money and I spend it 😈

If we needed more money I'd go back to work and we'd have both our salaries paid into the joint account, and all outgoings from the same account. So bills, fun money. It's all one big (well, distinctly average-sized 😅) pot!

He does have an ISA just in his name but that's just because it makes financial sense at this point.

All our salaries get paid into the joint account then we both have an equal set allowance we pay back into our own accounts which we can spend as we wish, clothes, haircuts, meals with friends etc however any essential costs such as dental, glasses or presents for joint event, meals out together come out of the joint account. We’ve got children and don’t think anything else is fair unless you can literally split every responsibility down the middle. With my ex I used to say it didn’t matter, he paid the bills and basic grocery shop but I only had the child benefit, although did 95% of all the childcare and housework, gave up career I’d desperately wanted to do as he wasn’t available/didn’t want to help with the children, being ‘nice’ didn’t win me any respect or appreciation from him as when we split he told me I should of been grateful to him for all the years he supported me and the kids. I was actually much better off financially (and otherwise) as a single mother!

I am a SAHM (disabled child) and DH works. He is rubbish with money so I have all his wages and my benefits. It all goes in to my savings account and I transfer him money when he needs it, that’s always worked for us

I want to find out as married couples, how do you guys manage your money, bills, rent, mortgage, spendings, savings and investments?

DH’s salary pays for it all and holidays, vets and groceries. My salary tends to go on school uniform, clubs and additional support for the children. If either of us needed extra money then what we earn we can take from each other.

We both have our own bank accounts that we use but they are in joint names with no restrictions on the other one using the money in there if that was ever needed. The reality is DH has never needed this and I sometimes do.

All family money here. We earn different amounts. But, we both give ourselves the same spending money. I am the accountant but only because my DH by his own emphatic admission is financially, an idiot.

Very similar to this. It's worked for us for over 30 years.

We don't have a joint account. We have individual accounts but we both know the bank details for each others account. Bills are spread between the accounts. We just buy what we need with our own card and transfer from one account to the other if one is getting low. So it is pretty much like having one pot but we haven't gone to the trouble of setting up a joint account. Any biggish purchases we discuss to check we can afford it that month.
I really couldn't be bothered with working out spliting bills or talking about who owes who, it's just joint money. Luckily we are both sensible with money, if one of us couldn't live within our means it wouldn't work as well as it does.

We have one "pot" of money... but we have never had a joint account. I have accounts, and my partner has accounts, but the money in mine isn't "mine" it is ours, and vice versa.

This is mostly because of our different nationalities making joint back accounts tricky... but it works quite well.

As for where that money is coming from, it has change over the years. From one of us earning it all, to a joint business, to both having individual incomes, one bigger, one smaller, etc. It doesn't matter. We are a couple, and what is mine is theirs and vice versa.

Anyone who has kids, an earning disparity and is married who put in 50/50, then the lower earner is being financially abused. It isn’t about a different ‘views’, it’s the law.

When we got married we became a single unit. The way I explained it to my child was that now if DH got the chance to work say in America we would talk about the advantages and disadvantages and work out if it was beneficial to the family unit overall. Pre marriage I would have had to said "see you later" because I had to look after myself first.

As regards money, we both work for the benefit of the whole. Yes, that meant my career took second place to his when we had children, but it also meant an understanding that he was able to work undisturbed because my role was supporting him.

I married an unselfish man who supports me back. When I have needed surgery or even just a break he takes some of the load. I don't do paid work much now because you can't have everything all at once.

A man who thinks his only responsibility is to bring in money and that what is his is his alone is no fit husband. Paid employment is only one half of the work of life.

All our money gives into a joint account and once that accounts has too much money in it, then we transfer into savings account of which we both have one. Done this from the beginning, married 41 years.

Joint everything

@Richesme DH and I have been married almost 43 years. Most of that time (before we retired early) he earned more than me (and his pension provision is significantly larger than mine so his income continues to be larger than mine). We have always had one joint current account which our salaries were paid into and from which all bills were paid (and we still operate this way). We've always discussed larger purchases and agreed between us if they could/should be made e.g. he wanted to join a golf club earlier this year, which I agreed to as it was only £450 for the year and he's played all his life. We've also just bought a new car (equal amount of money taken from each of our ISAs) but which he will drive the majority of the time as I have my own car. More personal items (I love clothes, he loves tech and music) we just buy without reference to each other, but that's because neither of us would ever spend what we don't have. I manage our money (because it's "admin" he can't be arsed with!) but I keep him fully informed every month of our financial situation and I've set up an "if I die first" password-protected spreadsheet so that he would have all the information he needs to be able to manage it all without me. Apart from our private pensions, the only other separate accounts we have are S&S ISAs.
I simply don't understand this rigid, transactional splitting of everything, but I suppose the way my DH and I operate is very much based on trust and it seems so many relationships these days lack this fundamental requirement.
Regarding your own situation OP, I can see the argument for both sides (50/50 or proportional-to-salary split). Personally, I think the latter is fairer. Whilst the lesser earning partner may have the capability to earn more, but just chooses not to (maybe they're just lazy?) I think it's more likely that they simply can't earn more in their chosen line of work and penalising them within what is supposed to be a partnership seems very unfair. And I think this inequality absolutely should be recognised when the lower earning partner is earning less due to child-rearing - they should be paid for their unpaid work by the higher earning partner.

We've always had a joint account that everything goes in and out of and we both have access to. We discuss bigger spends and agree whether they're affordable. It means when we're having an expensive month we both tighten our belts and we both get to treat ourselves when we've got a bit more. To me that's what marriage is about. Pulling together and being a team.

I won't ever give up my own current account. We have one each, with proportional direct debits for bills according to earnings, and joint instant access savings for car repairs, holidays, annual insurance payments etc.

The only bill we split in half is council tax because it's such a crap bill and then in Feb/March we both get some bonus spends!

All of our money is joint. He works, I don’t. Although I do get money from a trust each year. It has always been this way. Maybe old fashioned but works for us

All in one pot. In the first ten of years dh contributed more than me. In the last ten years I have contributed more than him due to his ill health. Now we are just about at pensionable age his contributions will outweigh mine again. On balance sharing equally has worked well for us - neither of us are profligate spenders & we do have similar priorities with respect to spending.

When I was married we had our own accounts but we shared payments. When I stopped working for a few years my now-ex used to pay a significant amount into my account so that I didn’t have to ask for money. Essentially all money was regarded as family money.
I don’t really understand the concept of each person having their own money.

All our salaries go into our joint account. Savings then go out into a different but still joint account. All bills come out of the joint current account. The informal agreement is we can spend anything we like on items up to £100, more than that on a single item needs agreement from both of us. We both work full time and earn similar amounts and have a similar mentality (both quite frugal) so this works really well. If we had different spending habits I would allocate a set amount of spending money each month. If you really have to keep things separate then I think allocating in proportion to your earnings is the fairest way. Even if you've reduced work to cover childcare, you would then hopefully have an amount left to put into savings/pensions etc. I do also have an "emergency fund" which is mine alone from before we married. Its not a secret but only I have the account info.

All our money is shared and has been since before we were married, when we bought our first house.

I strongly doubt his customers are telling him all about their arrangements. Him saying that is a red flag. Does he earn a lot more than you but expects you to pay half? Do you have children?

Everything goes in one pot, DH earns a bit more than me as I'm part time. 2 kids together and we've always done it this way since we moved in together. But we have complete trust in each other (as in we are confident that neither is a prolific spender or gambler and have the same values and goals about money) so it works well for us.

We have a joint account and transfer a set amount in each month, which is roughly split proportionate to income. All big bills etc come out of there.

I think I do come off slightly worse by this arrangement. I am with the kids more than DH and do end up doing more of the littler costs, which over time does add up! We need to adjust the amount we put into the joint as costs have gone up but haven't got round to it basically.

Frankly though, we do just transfer money between when needed. Most of our costs are basically family related and there's not much left over to argue over!

Married 30 yrs. All money is joint money tho in various accounts for savings etc. We both know what’s in all accounts. DH earns more than double what I do. All bills, food, hols etc out of this pot. We each have same amount for personal spends to do as we wish with each month.

One pot. Always have done. He has given me half of his inheritance too.

We pay money into a joint account for groceries, mortgage and bills, proportionate to our earnings. I pay 1/3 and he pays 2/3 - I'm a teacher, he's a lawyer! We also have joint savings for holidays. The rest of our money is our own for personal bills like phone and loan repayments, and he has two kids so he has a lot of other costs. Very happy with this arrangement!