Buying a house with partner

[RubyLavender]

Hi there, I would love some advice please.
my boyfriend of 3 years and I are hoping to buy a house together some time next year.
I earn 72k, am 27, and he earns 260k, is 30. We have agreed to each contribute 100k to the deposit, this is all money we have earned ourselves with no family help. We have also agreed to contribute 50/50 on the mortgage repayments. house price would be around 600k as we don't want a huge mortgage.

I asked what we would do about expenses, and I suggested we pay them proportional to our net salaries. he did not think this is fair, saying it should be 50/50. I do the majority of the housework and have been pleading with him for some time for the housework to be closer to a 70/30 split, as it is currently around 90/10. he says that he will hire a cleaner to do his share when we buy the house, to which I pointed out that the cleaner will not do the shopping, cooking and laundry.

does anybody have advice or thoughts

The last sort of man you want to choose as a life partner is a man who makes you go out to work 40 hours a week, pay 50/50, and do all the childcare, cooking and cleaning. He doesn't sound like much of a catch to be honest.

Buy your own place instead.

Ask him how he envisiges finances and house chores if you are on maternity leave or a stay at mum for a while? Will he step up or expect you to manage?

I’d let this happen…. As long as…
He solely pays for the cleaner BUT is a housekeeper - does laundry, changes beds, Perhaps even prepares a meal? the lot - twice a week.
He pays for monthly gardener
You both pay for Gousto boxes meals for two once a week minimum.
groceries online order whilst the other adult cooks the guosto once a week.

Nope, I’d not be moving buying with him. I’d buy my own house and sod him.

Thoughts: he's a shitbag
Advice: do NOT buy a house with, let alone consider having children with him. Leave him and buy your own place.

I would not buy a house with this man, OP. Save yourself the future hassles. It kind of sounds alright that he says he is happy to outsource some of his share of the housework, but you don't know that he will do what he says he will do.

Don't lumber yourself with problems you can avoid.

If I earned 260K a year I too wouldn’t be doing the cleaning myself. It’s unfair that you’re doing it though

Nope. He can pay for the cleaner now if he cared. Never again will I love with a man who doesn’t do his fair share of housework let alone but a property with one. Never ever trust a promise things will change. Trust actions.

while not married 50/50 is fair if you own 50% of the house. But what are your future plans? Kids? So your earning potential likely impacted by raising kids while he benifits from being male and you still pay 50%. Is the plan to get married? In which case everything should be shared and this quibbling over how much you contribute is redundant. Sound like he wants the best of everything!

you have a good wage for your age. His makes it seem less but you earn well don’t feel like he’s better just because he earns more

He’s a giant red flag already, OP you are doing so well for yourself why not buy your own place. Let him live in his own shithole. He’s showing you who he is already I’d take notice.

You can buy perfectly fine house for your age around 300 000 anywhere in the country and still will be big for you.

Is it worth pouring your whole savings into a life with such a man ?

You’re insane to consider any of that.

My thoughts: fuck that. He sounds like a twat.

At your age and with those salaries I think I’m with your partner. It’s not like you will be short of money. He must have worked hard to get that salary at his age. If he agreed to pay expenses proportional to your salaries then he would be giving a lot of his money to you.

I see the housework as a separate issue. Why are you doing shopping, cooking and laundry for him if you don’t won’t to. How did that even happen? I’ve been married to my husband for 35 years and I don’t cook, shop or do his laundry. We have a cleaner and I do the DIY and gardening as I enjoy it and he sorts our finances.
Your partners suggestion to pay for a cleaner seems like a good one. All my adult kids have cleaners.

My advice. Don’t get pregnant.

So many men are modern when you’re paying, and traditional when there’s housework. They don’t improve when they’re dads.

I thought this was a joke?
Seriously, do not do this. You would have no money to live on. It is crazy and as pp have said, shows what kind of partner you have.
Buy something on your own that you can afford.

thanks for the response :) just wondering what you mean by 'buy something you can afford'? I don't mean it in an accusatory way, it's just that the way I see it my 'half' of the house is 300k, less my 100k deposit, so a 200k mortgage as my responsibility, which is affordable for me. thanks again for your reply!

Why the hell are you doing all his cleaning, shopping and laundry? You’ve got to stop doing this. If he doesn’t want to do this he needs to pay someone already.

And yes, buy your own house, and clean it yourself and let him work out how to use a washing machine.

This is a red flag for me and we're similar ages but your own place and leave him....

Wow. You earn a quarter of his salary and do all the housework and he still wants you to pay half. You need to run a mile.

I'm on your side. I mean he expects you to pay half for his lifestyle expectations that he can afford on his salary.
You don't earn his salary, it will be awful for you. He sounds unfair and unreasonable.

You earn a good salary, have saved an excellent deposit and could manage a lovely house that you can afford and live well.

What sort of partner is he generally, op? IMO an unreasonable, ungenerous person will show their flaws in other ways too.

yeh I do agree with your point on lifestyle expectations - I am an engineer so my job can be done anywhere in the country, he is a lawyer so very London-centric job. I did raise the fact that we are having to buy in the expensive south east due to his job, whereas my job can be done anywhere in the country. so I do feel like I am being disadvantaged by his job essentially.

I think it’s valid he doesn’t want to clean or cook and do laundry… that’s the big city lawyer lifestyle. But I also think it’s valid that you don’t end up cleaning up after him and being his housekeeper. You need to put firm boundaries in place to protect your position as his partner else you’ll quickly become his skivvy and that would breed resentment both ways.

maybe also worth having a chat about whether kids are in your future and how he thinks that’ll work with your salary disparity. You’re both presumably smart enough and forward thinking enough to come up with a rough plan. You need to set the stage expectation for the rest of your relationship now if you’re buying together as it’ll be hard to change the status quo (without breaking up)

What’s he going to do with all the ‘extra’ money that he’ll have and you won’t? For example will he be going on big extravagant holidays on his own, as you won’t be able to afford to go with him?

This is a bonkers arrangement. Don't have kids with hom - you'll feel poor in a luxury life which is all on his terms and to his benefiti