Buying a house with partner

[RubyLavender]

Hi there, I would love some advice please.
my boyfriend of 3 years and I are hoping to buy a house together some time next year.
I earn 72k, am 27, and he earns 260k, is 30. We have agreed to each contribute 100k to the deposit, this is all money we have earned ourselves with no family help. We have also agreed to contribute 50/50 on the mortgage repayments. house price would be around 600k as we don't want a huge mortgage.

I asked what we would do about expenses, and I suggested we pay them proportional to our net salaries. he did not think this is fair, saying it should be 50/50. I do the majority of the housework and have been pleading with him for some time for the housework to be closer to a 70/30 split, as it is currently around 90/10. he says that he will hire a cleaner to do his share when we buy the house, to which I pointed out that the cleaner will not do the shopping, cooking and laundry.

does anybody have advice or thoughts

You need to tread carefully here... this is a significant power imbalance and when you have children it will more than double down and you will find yourself in skivvyville.
I say this as a woman who is the high earner in my own marriage. It was more like 50k him vs 120k me at the time
At your stage in the relationship we went 50/50 on basics (as my dh wanted to) and i paid for the nice extras... holidays fancy restaurants theatre cleaner etc... I didnt begrudge this because I wanted a nice time and I wanted to enjoy it with someone...

It's reasonable he doesnt want to be cleaning a toilet at 10am on a sunday....

At 260k with a 300k mortgage and no kids this guy has more cash than he knows what to do with. I would be saying to him that you should get a parttime housekeeper who shops, cooks dinner, irons his pants (&yours!) And he should pay.

If you have a garden even medium sized you'll need a gardener too.

This will enable you to have the time to manage them, plan nice activities and outings and manage the other parts of your lives (insurance life admin etc) and you both have time to fully enjoy your leisure time together.

There is no reason the world shouldn't be your oyster (plural!) And you shouldn't be having the best years of your life together roght now.
If he wants it PURELY 50/50 then you really should be looking at cheaper homes and a lower standard of living. A 300k mortgage plus bills and living costs will be tight for you.... so you (plural) need to downgrade so that you are financially comfortable and have flex to save rather than treading water financially to keep pace...ie he needs to come down to your level or pay for you to meet him at his....

If he doesnt want to share at alllll and it must be 50/50 and he is "comfortable seeing you uncomfortable" you have to decide if you want to sign up for that.
If you do sign up for that, I'd strongly counsel you don't have children.

Thank you for sharing your story - if you were my daughter or my sister, I would urge you not to buy a house with a partner who has that mindset, without having seriously ironed out some sensitive topics first!!

Over time you'll be stretching yourself too far while he keeps saving money "for himself" every month.
You will encounter the same issue for everything: what if he wants to go on an expensive holiday? You'll have to pay for half of it even if you can't afford it.
How about childcare costs someday maybe? buying a car? etc...

With the difference in income, if you do 50/50 for everything, you will end up spending a large portion of your salary every month just to sustain his lifestyle choices, while he will still be comfortably saving money aside. It only works when both partners' incomes are not too far apart.
He seems to be thinking about himself individually rather than about the two of you as a couple building a future together.

I wish you all the best, but make sure to have serious conversations with him about personal values, life goals, parenting/children, lifestyle choices, finance planning... before you buy a house with him.
If you ever split up (which we hope not of course), he will likely have a good amount of personal savings built up over time to help him bounce back, while you'll be left with much less comparatively, and if you have children on top of that... well :(

Take care of yourself. All the best!

It's a terrible idea to buy with someone when you're not married, anyway. Add in the fact he doesn't want to take a fair share of household chores it's a car crash waiting to happen, don't do it, you'll regret it.

He doesn't love you OP, if he did, he wouldn't be putting you in such a stressed financial position. You are a convenient flat mate who does all the house work, pay half the bills and is useful for sex too. How can he lose? He'll be living the big city lifestyle and salting away the cash, and you'll be skint.

What happens when he wants to upgrade to the next house or go for two weeks skiing in the US?

It's a really bad idea.