Struggling month to month?

[Bellfox95]

Hey,

Is anyone else struggling to make it month to month?

Me and my partner both work, I earn about £1800 a month and he gets about £1300
We have a small bit of debt, nothing too insane - our monthly outgoing are about £1500 for everything so again, not too bad. But every single month we have no money left and are struggling to make it pay check to pay check.

My partner pays £775 and I pay £725 (my partner has to pay towards child maintenance so his costs are mostly that) this leaves my partner with £525 and me with £1075.

I then get all the food shopping (got this down to £120PW by doing it online and not in store) est £480 a month, I then also buy the petrol which is probably about £80, most the tobacco as we both smoke which is probably another £100 ish, the odd takeaway, which usually costs £30 to £40 - then the odd trips to the shop between running out of main food in the house and I find I have literally nothing left.

i don’t feel like I’m “living lavishly” but maybe I am, I know I’m not in a “bad” situation and there are people who can’t afford there bills and to buy food.

I wondered how other people were getting on financially and all the threads I find are people who earn over 40k per annum, and there just aren’t jobs like that where we live is quite rural so I can’t just “go earn more money”

I’m just finding it incredibly annoying I never have anything, I can’t go shopping and buy nice things cause I can’t afford it, my partner has his £525 but he spends this on himself, I guess I feel slightly frustrated because my money is “household money” whereas my partner still has money for himself.

My immediate thoughts on your set up are:

Sit down and go through your bank statements, figure out where your money is going. If you have £1075 left then even discounting £480 on food, £80 petrol, £100 tobacco and £100 takeaways you’re still at £315- so where is that going? Have a look through your last few months of statements and really count the pennies, figure out where they are. If for example it’s the £5 every other day at the corner shop for pop & crisps then you can plan instead and buy those things in bulk to save.

Other notes though:

£120 a week food shop is a lot if it’s just for 2 adults, you could probably cut that further. Why are you the only person paying for the food? This should be split proportionally, same as bills. Same with petrol & tobacco, if he is also using those things, he should be contributing. Why isn’t he?

When you’re spending £120 a week on your food shop, how are you running out mid week and needing a top up? What are you running out of, and could you meal plan better? We tend to have to do one top up shop midweek but that’s just for extra veg because it doesn’t last very well & then extra fruit/milk, they aren’t usually anymore than £15 once a week and we could definitely stop them if we started buying frozen instead. Maybe consider that?

The alternative would be combining finances so everything into one pot, everything out and then split what is left equally.

Why is his income only £1300, that’s not even the equivalent of working full time on NMW. Is he just working part time? If so- why?

I’d also say that a £30-40 takeaway would be a treat. Our household income is higher than yours but we wouldn’t spend £40 on a takeaway more than once a month.

Yeah, I guess I need to work out where all the money is going, it must just be on trips to the corner shop ect, we don’t go out or do anything expensive.

for £120 I get some fresh meals (meats and sides) some lunch stuff and some crisps and snacks, smoothies and drinks, It usually comes to 3 bag for life bags of stuff.
we end up going to the shop for bread / milk, the bread is going off insanely quick in the heat.

I suggested doing a split pot, so we put all our finances together then pay out for food, bills and any debts then split what’s left between us so I felt like I had some leftover money, my partner initially agreed but then has not sent me all the money for me to split up, they just sent me the money they normally do for bills so I’m presuming they don’t want to do my suggestion.

he works part time doing night shifts and gets really burnt out if he does night shifts full time so he only works part time.

Where do you do your food shopping? Can you swap to a cheaper supermarket?

Your third paragraph has confused me. If he hasn’t sent you any money for the food, petrol or tobacco then the only response is “ah I guess you don’t want any of that then”. And stand by it.

If he can’t do his current job full time then he needs to find a job that he can do full time. Working part time is a luxury that he can’t afford if he is relying on someone else to fund his life, I’d have no issues pointing that out.

It’s not at all clear who pays for who pays for rent and utility bills and how much? It sounds like in your first paragraph you have £1075 disposable and he has £525?

crisps and snacks, smoothies and drinks,

I would cut all that out for a start.
Put bread in the freezer.
Make your partner pay his fair share.

We do the shopping at Asda usually.

yeah he doesn’t send me anything for food, petrol or tobacco, but what am I meant to do? Just not buy food? I’ve raised it with him several times and he keeps saying things will change and he will contribute more but it’s just like a pipe dream, I don’t mind contributing more as I do have more disposable income but I’m struggling to make it to the end of the month and I always have to somehow “make it work” even when I’m struggling

Do you have a local Aldi?

And no, you do buy food- for yourself. Buy the petrol that YOU need. Buy YOUR tobacco. And when he asks, you can tell him if he wants any of those things then he can pay for them. Currently he’s getting everything paid for so why would he want that to change?

So we split the utility bills / rent down the middle, we then both have some additional costs we pay for individually which push us up to him paying out £775 and me £725 on things we have to pay.

the leftover money of mine is £1075 but I then have to buy all the food, petrol, household stuff and any general living expense and I always have nothing left for myself after these costs. He has £525 roughly leftover that he spends on himself on stuff he wants.

I know it may sound like a MN cliché, but you have a cocklodger on your hands here, as you’re subsidising him and he won’t work full-time.

Have you checked if you're entitled to universal credit? When me and my partner were earning around 40k we were eligible and it really helped. I didn't think we would qualify but it's worth a try.

Why are you letting this man take the piss? He’s working less and ending up with more money.

This man is using you to subsidise his life, his finances.
I would get rid of him but if you stay stop buying or cooking him food, he can pay for his own and make his own.
He needs to work full time, part time is a luxury he can only do because he counts on you to pay for him.
Stop it.

Why is he only working part time and why are you spending money on cigarettes and take away when you’re broke?

Yeah, this really. I am confused that you are confused OP. He’s not working full time and you are buying everything for him. That’s why you have no money. You are spending it subsidising him.

You need to work out how much you spend each month on food, tabacco and petrol and split it half and half. If he wants mote money than he needs a new job or more shifts. Or if you're happy with him working less then pool your money together and you each get the same amount of 'pocket money'.

Exactly. It's not rocket science.

£3100 is a small amount for you both- your partner needs to earn more

This.

He should be paying half the food, take aways and petrol if he uses the car and buy his own tobacco Why are you paying for all of it.

Took the words out of my mouth. You are subsidising him and getting nothing for yourself. And stop buying his snacks and fags. If you take back from him £50 fags and £15 snack/drinks you can go shopping for you.

@Bellfox95 You need to review your budget and spending together, jointly, and decide then if you can afford together for DP to work PT. Start with what you both contribute to the pot, then write down shared costs, of which food is obviously one. And go from there. If FT Nightshift pattern doesn't suit DP then perhaps he can get a second PT job along side his existing one to subsidise his income.

for £120 I get some fresh meals (meats and sides) some lunch stuff and some crisps and snacks, smoothies and drinks, It usually comes to 3 bag for life bags of stuff.
we end up going to the shop for bread / milk, the bread is going off insanely quick in the heat.

Buy actual ingredients to cook with rather than fresh meals and sides - they'll go further and you'll feel healthier for it. Prepared meals and sides are expensive!
Cut down on snacks and smoothies (eat some fruit instead - again, better for you!)
Stick your bread loaf in the fridge for a few days to make it last longer in the heat.

Cut back/quit smoking and cutback on takeaways. Still treat yourself but make t just that - a treat rather than a regular every day/every week thing.

It’s pretty easy to see why you’ve no money left, DP should be paying 50% food, tobacco and takeaways, then you would have at least another £200 per month.

With bells on! Wake up

Your joint income is incredibly low, I'm not surprised you're struggling. We earn more than double that and couldn't afford to smoke, and take aways are a treat every couple of months. There's no reason he can't work full time - and you should either end up with equal money to spend on yourselves, or you have more as you're working full time. He's seriously taking you for a mug.

Food, petrol, tobacco and takeaways come out of the same pot as bills/rent. They are not individual expenses they are joint.

Start there. He needs to add more to the joint pot and if he can't or won't then he needs a different job/more hours. You are being financially abused btw.