MIL forcing us to have another kid

[Bamboolampsandscandichairs]

So basically we are Asian (mentioning this as the cultures and dynamics are different to western values).

Husband was made redundant and doesn’t have a stable job and I work part time as I have a chronic illness. We had one child conceived through IVF.

MIL is aware of our financial situation but keeps pestering me about having another child. She has even tried to give money for IVF to my husband to fund this.

I’ve explained to her numerous times that I don’t need their money and we will have one when we are stable and if not, we are quite happy with one.

she doesn’t understand and husband has said nothing to them.

So she's not actually "forcing" you then...
Sounds really annoying all the same. Do you have to spend much time with her?

You could theatrically burst into tears in front of her and cry “we can’t have another baby. Please don’t make me talk about it.” And then refuse to speak. Or you could ignore her. She can’t force you to do this, so just grey rock her.

Your problem is that your husband hasn’t said he will consider a baby after he gets a job and has some money saved or similar. His silence makes it sound like he agrees with her.

Time to say “we have already had this conversation” and move on

She’s not ‘forcing’ you.

If you’ve explained and she’s not listening, just don’t listen, or don’t see her as often.

Really, your life plans re children/jobs/housing etc are no one else’s business.

Since she refuses to listen, reduce your contact with her.
Your husband can tell her to stop it, why has he not done this?

@Bamboolampsandscandichairs tell her to piss off. My MIL is Asian, DIL caucasian for us it was DIL who was pushing us to have a second (we had DD early 20s, age gap would have been too great, we were happy with careers and quite frankly happy with one). We told him to piss off and not to bring it up again and he didn't.

There are lots of possible strategies here, could be quite entertaining!

I think I would go with: find something that she doesn't want to do and force her into doing it.
If you don't want to expend any effort then just ignore her completely 🤷🏻‍♀️
Job done ✅

Would you even want another with a man that can't talk to his own mother about this?

I was jokingly going to ask just from the title if you're asian!! Ah, yeah she won't pipe down until she is satisfied and you're sole reason for living is to be a mother and suffer. You may get more responses from people who get it if you post in the south Asian section

It could be a bit difficult to do this, if they are living in the same house. The Husband could have a relationship with his Mother, that dictates a certain expectation, that he is aware of.

Sure, but the thread title is still misleading. Sure, a certain kind of pressure, exacerbated by cultural factors, is being put on the OP, but she’s not actually being ‘forced’. She has a wet lettuce husband problem.

Well, you'll have to keep politely declining. I know it's not easy but it's not anyone else's place to 'force' you to have a child.
That's not how biology works anyway. I mean, you could take the money and say it failed and then go on holiday? Obviously I'm joking.

If you and your husband don't want another kid then it's not possible for anyone to force you. If she wants to try and manipulate you you have to just ignore it. Tell her if she keeps bringing it up you won't be able to have regular contact anymore.

Tell her straight that you won’t consider that until her son gets a reliable income. Every time she raises it, remind her that your husband still isn’t financially providing for your family.

why politely. "STFU Mil " should do it....or tell husband if he doesn't deal with her then you will and she won't like what you have to say.

Unless she is literally guiding his penis into you, she is not forcing you to have a child.

yes absolutely this

Yeah, quite. I mean I thought culturally MILs were a lot more dominant so might need to be treated with kid gloves. But yeah, I'd want to say it like that!

Tell your husband to tell his mum to STFU and butt out of your business. You are not in a stable enough financial place to have another child. The end..

Well yes, forcing is a bit much but more pressured into. I was quite upset when typing this post.

not speaking to DH at the moment. They can keep their money. She has even offered to pay money towards the expenses of the child on a monthly basis and she said in return you can look after us when we are old.

Culturally Mils can try and be as dominant as they like. It doesn't mean that Dils need to allow them to be or that sons of those Mils need to put their mother over their wife.

Yeah, I know. I'm totally in agreement with all of what you just said.

OP, the major problem is your husband. It sounds like he agrees with your MIL and doesn't care about your health issues. You must speak to him firmly about this. This is affecting your well being and mental health. Your husband should be your support and he is failing badly.

Ever heard of coercive control?

If OP is living in the trad. South Asian family set up, her MIL is in charge of the family and OP will be living in the family home. A hard situation and its not as simple as telling her to butt out.

thank you! She’s a very difficult person, throws worse temper tantrums than a 2 year old (screaming, fainting etc). She uses a lot of techniques to control people. She’s very clever and has spoken to DH about this at a time when his father is poorly.