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Original poster

MIL forcing us to have another kid

35 replies

Bamboolampsandscandichairs · 15/06/2025 12:53

So basically we are Asian (mentioning this as the cultures and dynamics are different to western values).

Husband was made redundant and doesn’t have a stable job and I work part time as I have a chronic illness. We had one child conceived through IVF.

MIL is aware of our financial situation but keeps pestering me about having another child. She has even tried to give money for IVF to my husband to fund this.

I’ve explained to her numerous times that I don’t need their money and we will have one when we are stable and if not, we are quite happy with one.

she doesn’t understand and husband has said nothing to them.

OP posts:
justkeepswimingswiming · 15/06/2025 14:46

So you have a child to keep her happy and in return you can look after when shes old? 😂
i would refuse to have another child out of principle as someone who looked after their own MIL & when they were dying - dont do it. Dont agree to do it. Her children can look after her.

Momtotwokids · 15/06/2025 14:52

Bamboolampsandscandichairs · 15/06/2025 13:56

Well yes, forcing is a bit much but more pressured into. I was quite upset when typing this post.

not speaking to DH at the moment. They can keep their money. She has even offered to pay money towards the expenses of the child on a monthly basis and she said in return you can look after us when we are old.

So she you and husband to take care of her when she is old. Does she even want another grandchild?

godmum56 · 15/06/2025 16:30

Bamboolampsandscandichairs · 15/06/2025 14:45

thank you! She’s a very difficult person, throws worse temper tantrums than a 2 year old (screaming, fainting etc). She uses a lot of techniques to control people. She’s very clever and has spoken to DH about this at a time when his father is poorly.

Show quote history

and did you tell her she should be focussing on her own husband and not on yours?

muggart · 15/06/2025 16:59

I would tell her thanks so much for offering the money for ivf. you are delighted and will absolutely take her up on it. The clinic has only given a 0.5% chance of it working, but knowing money isn’t an option is such a relief so youll go ahead with it! please where is the money, give it over quick so i can make a baby.

i bet she changes her mind pretty quickly. At which point you give her a hard time about dangling false hope over your head and then taking it away. In the end, the topic is never spoken of again because the situation has flipped and she was the one who foiled your plans to have a second child.

Littlemunchkinsmummy · 15/06/2025 17:08

Sounds like you aren’t able to put your boundaries in place.
All mother in laws from an Asian background behave like this because they feel like they are entitled to control the narrative until shown otherwise.
You need to shut this down by making it very clear that’s not her place and where you stand on the matter with your husband. Either he tells her or you say you will.

My mother in law wanted to control every aspects of our lives and believed she should be privy to every little detail. Where we were going / when / why / how much things weee etc etc.

She is not part of my life now (we are of south Asian origin but myself and my husband are born and raised in the UK)

RareGoalsVerge · 15/06/2025 17:15

Bamboolampsandscandichairs · 15/06/2025 13:56

Well yes, forcing is a bit much but more pressured into. I was quite upset when typing this post.

not speaking to DH at the moment. They can keep their money. She has even offered to pay money towards the expenses of the child on a monthly basis and she said in return you can look after us when we are old.

Well you definitely don't want to be financially beholden to someone with that attitude!

Though I don't think her expectations of you reinventing yourself as her personal geriatric nurse will disappear if you are firm about not accepting money from her. Both you and DH are going to need the hide of a rhino to get through what she has in store for you. Might as well get started developing that asap.

Marble10 · 15/06/2025 17:22

Asian MIL, she’s never going to stop and there will be no way of getting through to her.
Usually they do listen to their sons, so maybe it would help if it come from your DH.

Original poster
Bamboolampsandscandichairs · 15/06/2025 19:00

Everyone saying we should create boundaries, it’s not that easy. The dynamics in this family are very different and I know for sure that if I end up having an argument with her, all her children including my husband will take her side as it will be seen as disrespectful.

I have thought many times about divorce as my husband has never stood up for me. She has always manipulated him and he has always been labelled as the ‘good boy’.

i don’t have any money and i can’t work full time because of my chronic illness. So even if i leave, im not sure how i will look after myself and my son. I’m sure there are ways, but im
not sure if I’m brave enough to make that move

OP posts:
Mrsbloggz · 15/06/2025 21:25

Bamboolampsandscandichairs · 15/06/2025 19:00

Everyone saying we should create boundaries, it’s not that easy. The dynamics in this family are very different and I know for sure that if I end up having an argument with her, all her children including my husband will take her side as it will be seen as disrespectful.

I have thought many times about divorce as my husband has never stood up for me. She has always manipulated him and he has always been labelled as the ‘good boy’.

i don’t have any money and i can’t work full time because of my chronic illness. So even if i leave, im not sure how i will look after myself and my son. I’m sure there are ways, but im
not sure if I’m brave enough to make that move

This is why she does it, she knows that you are trapped and have no way to retaliate which wont hurt you much more than it hurts her.
What an evil fecking witch she is😡

User37482 · 15/06/2025 21:33

My in-laws are very nice but there is no way in hell I would live with them, I got pestered for a child but I only had my first when I was good and ready.

OP by the sounds of it you are stuck unless you just leave. Does he have a sister you can co-opt? The only person my MIL would really genuinely pay heed to is her own daughter.

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