Family planning money anxiety

[MiaRosexo]

Hi everyone,

I'm just looking for some reassurance really around my intense money anxiety - I'm not sure how irrational I'm being - please no hate!

My partner and I want to plan to have a child in the near future but I can't help but worry about the financial side of it all as I am the breadwinner in our relationship. We live in the north, have a mortgage of just under £1k a month, my partner earns £31k a year, I earn £46k. Ideally I don't want to be a full time working mum as I would like to raise my child, ideally I would do three days a week, which would pro rata me at around £27k. Is £58k ish joint enough to raise a child, considering childcare costs in the UK? Am I being irrational? there are so many high earners on here and it makes me worry that we're not doing enough, or that these high wages are the norm.

Thank you :)

You’re right to think about it now
childcare is very expensive so worth looking and budgeting now
is your partner able to up his wages ? As the higher earner its doesn’t make sense for you to basically halve your wages unfortunately
would he be a SAHD?
Could you do shared parental leave?

Thank you for this - he is desperately looking for new jobs as he is pretty much at the top of the pay scale for what he does - it's just generally a very low paid job/industry unfortunately. It's also hard to change careers completely without taking a huge pay cut but he is definitely trying. He admits he was naive and should have sorted this years ago.

You're right it wouldn't make sense for me to drop my wages, I just can't help but feel like I would be resentful if I had to work full time whilst everyone around me has the opportunity to go part time.

Yes we've looked into shared parental leave, I don't fully understand it but I'm definitely open to it :)

Thank you

The options are not easy ones to contemplate, OP.
Option 1. You wait until you have enough joint savings to cover the shortfall in your salary while you're only working part-time in the children's early years.
Option 2. Your husband opts to be the main carer, while you return to full time work after a suitable period of maternity leave.
Option 3. You consider downsizing (or possibly increasing the mortgage term, if that would make a big enough difference) in order to reduce your mortgage repayments to the point where they would be affordable if one of you gave up working (or you both went part time) for a few years in order to care for the children.

Whatever you decide (and it probably won't be any of the above) you'll need to accept that you'll very probably be a lot worse off than you are now. That need not be a bad thing, providing you'll still have enough for life's necessities, but it's something you'll need to be fully prepared for and accept the limitations it might bring, compared with your current lifestyle.

Maybe you need to put off TTC unless you’re both in your very late 30’s?
I would look at your partner really upping his job searching and ultimately you could look at compressed hours so your wages stay the same but you do four longer days ?
the luxury of going p/t may not be doable

@MiaRosexo
There are several different aspects to this, researching before TTC is really sensible.

Let’s start at the end and work forwards. Financially the best part time option is for both partners to do 4 days (80%). The 20% of salary you lose is the element that has the highest deductions. This calculator helps you see the impact on your net salaries.

The other benefits are by having different non-working days (NWDs) you only need 3 days child care (reducing £). Plus you each get one day a week with your DC to bond. If you can choose more unusual NWDs e.g. Tue, Wed or Thurs you minimise BH falling on working days which gives you more annual leave to take when you choose. You also don’t end up paying childcare on BH.

Maternity Leave, Shared Parental Leave and Paternity Leave and pay - start by working out statutory entitlements and qualifying criteria.
https://www.gov.uk/maternity-pay-leave
https://www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay
https://www.gov.uk/paternity-pay-leave

Then look at your occupational entitlements. This can help you plan how to maximise occupational pay.

KIT (10) and SPLIT (20) days - these can be used to boost income during the unpaid leave element of SML/ShPL. Depending at the point in the tax year you may get a tax rebate.

Annual Leave - look at carry over limits and look to carry over the maximum into the leave year the baby is due. Save as much for after the birth. This can lengthen paid time off. Reducing to 4 days at the end of 12 months mat leave then taking annual leave gives you 5 weeks of 80% pay rather than 4 weeks of full pay. It can also be used to phase back e.g. 2 days a week.

HTH.

I agree with others - husband needs to sort salary out. That said, much more nursery fees are paid these days so you wouldn’t need to be as worried about that.
Have you run your salary through a calculator to see what drop would actually be when you factor in tax. It might not be as different as you think. When I went down to 4 days, after we consider med tax and childcare, we lost about £12.50 😂

Could you try to save as much as possible for a year before you conceive then it would help cover you for when on maternity leave. Also do as many kit days as possible. Your partner can take those days off with baby.

Definitely consider both working 4 days a week, but different days so you only have to pay for 3 days childcare if you can make the days work. Also stops you being the default parent as well as the main earner.

But would your DP really lose so much pay if he changes career bearing in mind that he's not earning a huge amount above NMW so most jobs, especially those which have scope for progression, should pay close to what he earns now.

I am the highest earner and agreed a five days condensed into 4 working agreement so was still on full wage but always had a day off with my baby

This was a Wednesday and then a Friday and i still went to bany classes and socialised and it worked really well without the stress of reduced i come

The 30 hours reduced childcare from 9 months for all children should help your childcare costs a lot too

That's plenty of money. You live to your mea s in tjosr early years

I think money will be quite tight if you take a big cut in salary. Going to four days would be better IMHO.

I think this would be sensible! I worry about fertility/biological clocks but I think I just need to accept reality to be honest. Thank you

Hmmm, lots of us managed to raise our children even with working FT, how rude! You either cut your hours and cut your cloth, or your husband needs a higher paid job if you want to go PT.

This is really really helpful. I never even thought about the option of us both reducing to 4 days - makes total sense. Thank you so much

That's definitely my worry, that changing career doesn't automatically guarantee a higher salary as he will be less experienced in that field - but I am hoping that even if he switches and is a trainee for a year or so on a similar wage to now, there will hopefully be scope for increasing eventually whereas there isnt really with his current career. Thank you

This is really helpful and reassuring thank you :) x

I hope so! there seems to be so many different opinions on here when it comes to finances - some say it's plenty, of seen other threads wanting £100k income before even considering a baby! It's hard to see what's the 'norm'. Thank you

It wasn't meant to be rude and I realised it came across that way as soon as I posted - I do apologise - I have full respect for all full time working mums! I more just meant I would be worried about burn out and missing out on time with them - guilt etc

Yes, but that's from people who also want to live in the right house in the right village near the right schools, fill their fridge with salmon and blueberries every day, drive an electric car and overpay their mortgage by hundreds of pounds a month.

What's the norm for MN isn't representative of the population as a whole, otherwise, hardly anyone would ever be in a position to start a family, which clearly isn't true.

And just to let you know that people who work still “raise their child”.

I know I realised it came across as rude as soon as I posted - I do apologise - I have full respect for all full time working mums! I more just meant I would be worried about burn out and missing out on time with them - guilt etc

you weren’t being rude, just want to make sure you aren’t thinking about this in a more negative way than maybe you need to? Try and get some savings together, get your husband to start cranking his career up, investigate both doing a 4 day week with you having different days off - there are loads of really good suggestions on this thread. Bear in mind lots of people make this work, look into positive stories of how people pull all this together. Burnout is by no means inevitable! And by making careful choices around childcare your child won’t be disadvantaged

Yeah you're right, I do have a tendency to over panic and look at things in a more negative light - I think I'm put off/disheartened by horror stories from so many mums that say full time work with a baby is incredibly difficult! There's definitely tonnes of good suggestions on there and they've all made me feel loads better!

I'd compare your take home pays for full time, 4 days and 3 days. I went down to 4 days which was a 20% drop in hours/core salary but only a 10% drop in take home pay as deductions were also lower.
You need to go through your finances in great detail and work out your expenditure per month
Factor in not having to pay for childcare and commuting on your non working days.

Before the 30 funded hours kicked in when my daughter was 3 we were only £100 a month down on 80% compared to my full time hours as we had one less day in nursery and one less train fare a week. I did the calculations for 3 days a week and I think from recollection we would have been down £300 which would have been affordable but I felt 4 days for me was the right balance.

Are compressed hours an option, doing the equivalent of 3.5 days a week over 3 days?