Family planning money anxiety

[MiaRosexo]

Hi everyone,

I'm just looking for some reassurance really around my intense money anxiety - I'm not sure how irrational I'm being - please no hate!

My partner and I want to plan to have a child in the near future but I can't help but worry about the financial side of it all as I am the breadwinner in our relationship. We live in the north, have a mortgage of just under £1k a month, my partner earns £31k a year, I earn £46k. Ideally I don't want to be a full time working mum as I would like to raise my child, ideally I would do three days a week, which would pro rata me at around £27k. Is £58k ish joint enough to raise a child, considering childcare costs in the UK? Am I being irrational? there are so many high earners on here and it makes me worry that we're not doing enough, or that these high wages are the norm.

Thank you :)

£58k sounds like enough to raise a child to me, but you will doubtless feel the pinch when your child is born. We all do, especially in the first few years. But if you want kids I wouldn't wait hoping to earn more ... if you are not careful you will spend your whole life feeling you "don't quit have enough" and will never do it.

My DP and I both dropped to 4 days a week once our first child was born, and have remained so ever since. Works for us, though money is a lot tighter than it used to be.

4 days each or requested a compressed week of full time hours over 4 days.

I wouldnt put off ttc to late 30s

Afted 34 / 35 - many people have a fair share of abdominal eggs / embryos

( we recently spent thousands on generic testing - im late 30s )

Honestly - i advise strongly against waiting to late 30s

By 35 - many females have genetically abnormal eggs

A fair share

And generically genetically abnormal embryos

Im 38 - we spent thousands on genetic testing

I def wouldn't wait til 35

How old are you OP - if u dont mind me asking

I am 28 :)

My husband and I are not high earners. I really worried about money and planning a child. Speaking with my sister who already had a son at the time, and works in a low pay job, she said if you wait for the right time financially you might never have children. It's so true.
We live in the north in a 2 bed semi, we have one car, we do caravan and Butlins type holidays. 90% of my son's clothes are from vinted and our house has updates that will take us much longer to get round to. Ultimately we are very happy. We did shared leave, I did 6 months and my husband 3, then we both dropped a day at work to spend more time with our son.

Thank you so much for this this is sooo reassuring!!

We’re in the North, have a 1 year old & another baby on the way, our mortgage is slightly less than yours but some things I’d think about if I was you;

3600 but that is before tax, so probably closer to 3000 in real terms. Do you have any cars? Use public transport? Just as an example, break down wise say:

• Mortgage you say is just under £1k so for arguments sake say £900?
• Other household bills, council tax, wifi, utilities etc, say another £600?
• Any car payments, car finance, petrol, transport costs etc?? Could be £200 there, or more depending on your circumstances
• Food shopping, £400 a month ish

so that’s your basics really and puts you at about £2100, so £900 left. Your bills may be higher than that so could be less.

That number really doesn’t look too bad, until you consider childcare. My daughter only goes to nursery 3 days a week and our bill is still £800 a month so would only leave you with £100 and that would be for everything. Savings, unexpected bills, days out, meals out, clothes, presents etc, would all have to come from that £100.

As you are the higher earner I agree with others in that I would say you’re best off either doing compressed hours so you don’t lose any pay but get a day off & do 4 longer days or your partner be the one who takes the pay cut.

The only thing I would say about the compressed hours is that it can be really tough and definitely isn’t for everyone. I know a few women who tried and within months just went back and agreed to go 0.8FTE because the long days are LONG.

Exactly this

You dont need 100k total salary between u or anything like that

My advice would be actively try by 30

Fertility declines from 30

Some people unfortunately have miscarriage and hard ivf journeys - esp after 34 etc.

Personally I think that's more than enough. We live up north, my partner earns around 25k a year, I was self employed so only got maternity allowance which isn't much. I've been off work for 10 months now, we do have savings but honestly we haven't touched alot of it. I am going back to work soon. Do you have someone who will help with childcare? Nursery is expensive, childminders are cheaper. Do you have savings? If not I'd definitely recommend saving a bit first, just for peace of mind and a back up

I'd echo this too. Until you try you never know how easy it will be to get pregnant and stay pregnant, and it only gets harder and more risky with time. At 28 with a stable partner and a decent income you're in a great place to try :)

Exactly.

Infertility has ' taught ' me a few thingz
But if i can use my pain / experience to share to potentially help others then..