Just married finance advice

[Sunflowerinmygarden]

Good evening
I'm new to mumsnet and would like some advice on marriage and finance.
I just got married a few weeks ago which was lovely and just perfect etc. I don't live with my husband yet his house is only a two bedroom, no parking and he lives with his daughter who is 17. My husband has a mortgage and owns his house, whereas I rent a very small house which is only 2 bedroom very cramped with my 13 year old daughter lives with me.

I have been claiming Universal credit for 5 years and also work.
I told them I'm married as and have to show them my marriage certificate, which is fine, and I'm happy to do this, as they said I can claim as a single claimant even though I'm married, as we can't live together.
What's really upsetting is I don't like being on Universal credit and having to reply on help, I can't expect my husband to pay my rent and his mortgage, so I have no choice but to claim as my earnings are too low.
Is there another solution to this nightmare as I only see my husband 3 nights a week and we really miss each other. I'm 46 and he's 55.
Please help x

You absolutely can be married on UC and on the old style legacy benefits as long as you are living apart with separate homes. Council tax bills mortgage / rent - as long as you both have this evidence that you are not living in the same home - they will treat you as a single claim

i know of at least 2 couples who’s are married but have separate homes and are in this situation due to kids

Advice on marriage & finance! maybe a conversation with the man involved would help. You discussed getting married but nothing after, neither house has any room to blend the families other than to move elsewhere but he won’t because of his ‘home bird’ daughter. What do you expect Mumsnet to actually advise you on?

His daughter could actually still be living at home until she's in her 30s / 40. Many children are these days.
That means he will be 75 and you 66.
Just a thought ......

Selfish fucker, putting the welfare of DC before some random woman he married 🙄 If the roles were reversed and OP was a man renting a house on work/UC wanting a woman who had a mortgage and child to sell up and move against the wishes of her DC, I doubt you’d be calling her the same. Double standards?

Indeed, OP has married an intransigent weirdo. I wonder why he wanted to get married though.

But OP also works f/t on NMW so is earning around £25k. She wouldn’t need to pay rent if she lived with her husband, and could contribute towards a mortgage. All the bills would be cheaper combined and split. OP probably wouldn’t need UC on a combined household income of £65k, which is as it should be. Keeping separate homes and continuing to claim benefits is pretty immoral IMO.

^ agree absolutely with the above

getting married is a commitment to a shared life: note that OP hasn’t been back to explain either how long she has known her ‘husband’ or why get married if not combining households

OP: I think you are very much in the wrong to claim UC if your husband earns 40k and you 25, you can afford to support yourself. If he can’t change his daughter’s housing situation to live wit you then he is in no position to marry!

OP: also be aware that with marriage you are jointly responsible for any debt your new husband incurs, is this a resson he may have wanted to marry you? To take our credit in your name?

I don’t disagree that it’s immoral, but it doesn’t mean she’d be able to contribute to a bigger mortgage or fund an extension, because she will have lost income. Clearly they don’t want to loose income to live together

What's the point in being married if you don't live together. Can you look into getting a better paid job.

I get where you’re coming from, but we have no idea as to whether OP would “lose” income as we don’t know what UC she receives and what her outgoings are. If she gets £500 UC but her rent is £650, she’d gain £150 a month on not paying rent, plus the cheaper bills.

So in your situation OP pays £150 towards her rent, but then she buys a house with DH who’s currently mortgage is £1300 a month and he’d need to increase it and she’d need to contribute… £150 plus the bit she’s saved with bills isn’t likely to be realistic. It should be because they’re married and she should be his financial responsibility now, but in reality it doesn’t sound like they want to do that. And as a minimum wage single parent on UC she likely gets more than just her rent paid anyway

The 1960s called; they’d like their outdated attitude back, please 🤣 Because they are married, they should support each other, and contribute equally or proportionately. Why aren’t you saying OP should get a better job and financially support DH?

Oh ffs you are being deliberately obtuse. If I said she should get a better paid job you’d say ‘wahhh her husband should support her not the government’. The point is she can’t afford to get a bigger mortgage for a bigger house, when she can’t even afford to pay her own rent right now. It’s not rocket science if you read her posts.

I've already said in a previous post that they should combine i comes and split equitably, so I guess he would be partly supporting her but it could at least remove the benefits claim. A £65k+ household income isn't bad.

Thank you for your advice, I will take it all on board and come up with a plan.

I appreciate he is putting his teenage daughter first as any parent would.
His daughter doesn't like me, so I try and keep out their way so she stays happy.
Xx

Why does he need another bedroom? Most couples share a bed, surely?

For her child

Because he has DC and OP has DC - it’s not fair to make 13 and 17 year old step-siblings share a room!

I really don’t understand why you got married unless it’s for a visa or something.

his daughter doesn’t like you, so I presume wouldn’t want to live with you
he doesn’t want to buy a house that would accommodate the blended family now or in the foreseeable future
you have no shared finances

what is the point?

Hello all. .
I have read your comments and appreciate all the different advice. So I earn national minimum wage earn £1300 a month in wages. My rent is £950 so that's why I claim UC. That's the going rate for a 2 bed terraced house in my area.
We have been together for 3 years now and been over our living arrangements so many times. His daughter needs security after her mum left so she only relies on her dad (my husband).
Xx

Why did you get married? It’s an honest question. When will he move when she is 18, 25,30,35?

When I married my DH he moved in with us, his adult son stayed in the house. Then we both sold and brought together. All of our children moved in with us. The adult son didn’t like it - he didn’t want to move but it was a bit like ok you are over 25, you can move in with us, we can help you buy - but the buy the house we want we need to sell both houses. Children, even adult ones, don’t get to say a blanket no just because they don’t want to.

Have you looked at houses together - how much do you earn or pay rent?
can you extend or convert his?

OP I think most of us are trying to understand WHY you got married?

What? why is he a selfish f..r??? because he wants to keep a home for his child? instead of buying another home for OP and her daughter?

What does OP bring to the table?

Seriously, if a women posted:

• my 17yo DC is going to uni in Sep
• I'm selling my home and buying a bigger one so my new wife and her daughter can move in with me
• My own DC won't have space in my new home - 40k at 55 is not enough to buy large enough property so will have to deal with it, 18yo is adult after all
• My new wife is unlikely to bring much financially to new house

What would you all say?

OP, why did you marry? or to be precise - why did he marry?