Page 2 | Just married finance advice

Sunflowerinmygarden · 2025-05-01T21:07:14+00:00

Good evening I'm new to mumsnet and would like some advice on marriage and finance. I just got married a few weeks ago which was lovely and just perfect etc. I don't live with my husband yet his house is only a two bedroom, no parking and he lives with his daughter who is 17. My husband has a mortgage and owns his house, whereas I rent a very small house which is only 2 bedroom very cramped with my 13 year old daughter lives with me. I have been claiming Universal credit for 5 years and also work. I told them I'm married as and have to show them my marriage certificate, which is fine, and I'm happy to do this, as they said I can claim as a single claimant even though I'm married, as we can't live together. What's really upsetting is I don't like being on Universal credit and having to reply on help, I can't expect my husband to pay my rent and his mortgage, so I have no choice but to claim as my earnings are too low. Is there another solution to this nightmare as I only see my husband 3 nights a week and we really miss each other. I'm 46 and he's 55. Please help x

blueleavesgreensky · 02/05/2025 18:43

You have been on universal credit but now you are married you suddenly don’t like relying on anyone. You mean that now you are married you think your husband should finance you instead of universal credit?
that’s still relying on someone. What’s in it for him? Why did you two get married? Did you discuss living arrangements before hand or just sort of wander off and get married with no conversation?

blueleavesgreensky · 02/05/2025 18:44

Is everyone in this family a little slow?

bigvig · 02/05/2025 18:47

It's mad that you are married and can still claim UC. Many people have to live with others to fund their lifestyle.

TheHappyBug · 02/05/2025 18:48

This seems like lots of issues -

You don’t like being on UC, can you do some further training and get a higher wage? I have recently lost my entitlement to UC and I am over the moon, it took a lot of hard work studying alongside a full time job but it feels so good knowing my income is mine.

You are married but live apart. I am in this situation, it works for us at the moment and we are happy for now but have plans to live together in the future. We are remortgaging his house to fund a loft extension.

Would that be an option for you? Then you can both contribute towards one property and his daughter doesn’t have to move.

babasaclover · 02/05/2025 18:51

Can he extend his house? You only need one more bedroom there presumably?

SummerFeverVenice · 02/05/2025 18:58

Since you’re renting, it would be easier for you to move closer to his house when your lease is up.

I don’t agree he is selfish putting his daughter first until she is a fully independent adult. I wish more single parents would prioritise their children.

In 5yrs tops, his DD will have graduated Uni and moved out to her own flat share. At that point you may be able to move in while your DD is off to Uni. Holiday visits can be managed easier.

I am sure you guys love each other enough to do this for 5yrs? Your DC are almost adults. It’s not that long. The pandemic was 5yrs ago and feels like yesterday…

Smellslikeburnttoat · 02/05/2025 19:04

Why did you marry what is seemingly a casual boyfriend? What are the advantages?

heroinechic · 02/05/2025 19:07

Could he remortgage? Extend his term and take out enough money for a loft conversion?

When his daughter goes to uni will she be living full time at the property? It seems to me that if she moves into university accommodation she’d be able to cope with your DH moving house. She could still have her own bedroom there!

DoYouReally · 02/05/2025 19:14

Why did you get married before addressing all these issues? It makes no logic sense.

Notshopping · 02/05/2025 19:25

When you got married a few weeks ago, what was the plan? Why did you get married? What did you both want to achieve if you knew you wouldn’t be living together?

Beautifulweeds · 02/05/2025 19:32

Why can't the 17 year old move house? It's quite normal to move homes throughout life, often several times. Is he being over protective or is there a genuine reason? X

Yourcatisnotsorry · 02/05/2025 20:07

Running two households of 2 beds is much more expensive than 1 3 bed. Assuming you’d rather live together you’re both less happy and poorer with this situation because a person who isn’t even going to live there from September doesn’t like change? Either add an extension to his or sell and buy a 3 bed together. You can offer to use the extra money leftover each month to help his daughter with uni costs?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/05/2025 20:09

Yourcatisnotsorry · 02/05/2025 20:07

Running two households of 2 beds is much more expensive than 1 3 bed. Assuming you’d rather live together you’re both less happy and poorer with this situation because a person who isn’t even going to live there from September doesn’t like change? Either add an extension to his or sell and buy a 3 bed together. You can offer to use the extra money leftover each month to help his daughter with uni costs?

She can’t contribute towards buying a house or paying a mortgage, and he can’t afford a higher mortgage on his own.

blueleavesgreensky · 02/05/2025 20:15

Yourcatisnotsorry · 02/05/2025 20:07

Running two households of 2 beds is much more expensive than 1 3 bed. Assuming you’d rather live together you’re both less happy and poorer with this situation because a person who isn’t even going to live there from September doesn’t like change? Either add an extension to his or sell and buy a 3 bed together. You can offer to use the extra money leftover each month to help his daughter with uni costs?

Wow. Every day on MN people are damning people who forget their dc when they remarry. You are suggesting he do just that.
she’s not a fully fledged adult yet. But you think it’s time to turf her out and move in the new wife

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/05/2025 20:17

blueleavesgreensky · 02/05/2025 20:15

Wow. Every day on MN people are damning people who forget their dc when they remarry. You are suggesting he do just that.
she’s not a fully fledged adult yet. But you think it’s time to turf her out and move in the new wife

Show quote history

That post didn’t say that… it said buy a bigger house or add on an extension. Both options to fit everyone in.

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 20:20

Sunflowerinmygarden · 02/05/2025 09:26

I do work full time but on national minimum wage.
He stays with me twice a week and I stay at his once a week. His daughter is off to university in September but he needs to keep his house running for when his daughter comes home.
He thought about turning his property into an airbnb, and then moving into mine, but he hasn't got the money to do his house up, plus he would need to keep his daughters bedroom available for when she comes home.
I have no storage no garage no room for a shed, there's no room for him to live with me to cramped. Xx

Can he rent out his house (not Airbnb ) and ye rent a bigger place together

Cardiecard · 02/05/2025 20:25

What was the purpose of you both getting married (this doesn’t mean to sound dickish, I just wanted to understand the reasoning)

Owl55 · 02/05/2025 21:13

How long have you been in a relationship with your husband before you married?

Yourcatisnotsorry · 02/05/2025 22:04

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/05/2025 20:09

She can’t contribute towards buying a house or paying a mortgage, and he can’t afford a higher mortgage on his own.

Show quote history

Is she not paying rent now? So why can’t this go towards the mortgage? There are 3 beds in worse areas or that need doing up etc. or sell and rent together. Running 2 2 bed houses is more expensive than 1 3 bed.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 02/05/2025 22:06

Why did you get married? I'm confused

Yourcatisnotsorry · 02/05/2025 22:08

blueleavesgreensky · 02/05/2025 20:15

Wow. Every day on MN people are damning people who forget their dc when they remarry. You are suggesting he do just that.
she’s not a fully fledged adult yet. But you think it’s time to turf her out and move in the new wife

Show quote history

How exactly moving to a 3 bed where the daughter has her own room and offering her financial help with uni ‘turfing her out’ and forgetting her?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/05/2025 22:10

Yourcatisnotsorry · 02/05/2025 22:04

Is she not paying rent now? So why can’t this go towards the mortgage? There are 3 beds in worse areas or that need doing up etc. or sell and rent together. Running 2 2 bed houses is more expensive than 1 3 bed.

Show quote history

It’s in the OP, UC pays for her rent, and she wouldn’t get that if she lived with DH and obviously not towards a mortgage anyway because that is rent.

Notshopping · 02/05/2025 22:29

If his dd is off to uni, won’t she be going for a term at a time and maybe just coming home the odd weekend and the summer? You can stay with him for weeks at a time when she is away?

How will living/staying with him affect your daughter with school etc?

NettleTea · 02/05/2025 22:43

I would double check with the UC, as although Yes, you can be married and claim as a single person if you are living seperately, and financially seperate, However that is usually to do with couples who are seperating, not people who have just got married.
The pertinant info is to do with whether friends or family would believe you are a couple, or whether you are seperated. Given that friends and family will no doubt have just attended your wedding, I would assume that they would very much say that you are a couple.

Prettydress · 02/05/2025 23:13

If the daughter can cope with moving away to uni, I'm sure she can cope with moving house. Do you and her not get along?