How much personal allowance would you take to be a SAHM?

[DonutEnvy]

Assuming all bills are paid from the joint acc, you have young kids, and DH works full time and saves abit every month, how much disposable income would you want to have in order to not work and be a SAHM instead?

My DH would rather I not work as we have 2 kids under 3, but in order for me to enjoy being a SAHM and not being too frugal, I wanted around £4/500 disposable income a month which he can’t provide yet. The money would be for me and kids as fun money and so I have suggested to work part time so I can obtain that myself but he feels I will be stretching myself too thin and should be happy with a tight budget until the kids start school.

DH put everything into our joint account. I spent as I needed to. I didn’t want an “allowance” like a kept woman. I’m worth whatever I need to spend.

Or they are simply answering the OP's question.

Full access to joint money - but you need to be able to spent 500 per month + a decent pension contribution without being stretched too thin. it should also be able to accommodate retraining if required.

You can just answer the question without saying that, it's weird and unnecessary

£500 a month is a lot of money to expect someone to provide for "fun money". It sounds like you might want to work part time. When men say they'd rather their wife didn't work what they often mean (or come to mean) is that they don't want to do anything round the house or with the kids and expect you to do it all. Might not be the case here but you need an arrangement that works for everyone in the family.

Why is it weird?

Well the last example of such a post didn't answer any of OPs questions, it was totally random. It's like going on a dog walking thread, and saying how much you'd never want to walk a dog, and there's so much more than walking a dog. It's weird. Especially when you're talking about your own dog 😒

I wouldn’t want to lose out on my career, pension etc. And he shouldn’t want you to for his comfort. And he shouldn’t want to have a reason to spend less time with his kids.

TBF I would never be a SAHM but I think you should have equal access to the money and both have same personal spending money

I think OP is going to get certain responses because she mentions her DH would rather her not work.

How much is his “allowance”?!

In Japan, the father’s salaries go into the wife’s account and she gives him an allowance…

in my view if you have kids, all money is family money

If all my costs are covered such as bills, car running and maintenance and spending for the home so new cushions or linen, and clothes I need £400/500 a month for my own spending money. This would be gifts for family and friends, coffees and lunches out, make up, occasional treats to myself. I like a small separate allowance as I don’t want my husband to always know the intricacies of my purchases.

I personally would not be taking kindly to any DH telling me he thinks I should be a SAHM. As it is you making sacrifices you are the one to decide. All money would need to be joint and yes a buffer of at least £500 per month. I was a SAHM for 3 years when our 2 DC were babies/toddlers as small age gap made childcare too expensive as we got no assistance (back in 80s). I insisted on joint finances before giving up my job.

My mother and aunts were SAHMs in the 1970s/1980s and this is how it worked too. It was the husband who got the allowance/fun money and the wife who handled the budgets.

Anyway, not relevant to the OP who hasn’t suggested this…just idle reminiscing.

OP - how you handle your situation is up to you but be wary. You need to protect your financial interests and you can’t be stuck with 100% of the housework whilst miladdo comes and goes as he pleases.

What works for us - DH’s salary is paid into our joint account out of which all bills and family expenses are paid (including anything to do with DC). We each get £300 monthly allowance which is paid into our personal accounts which is ‘fun’ money. We also transfer money to our individual and joint savings accounts and I contribute to a private pension. If it wasn’t like this I wouldn’t be a SAHM.