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Original poster

Child Protection Services...advice needed please

57 replies

lessofme · 12/05/2008 21:56

My estranged sister has dropped a bit of a bombshell on me. She's alleging my mother physically abused her as a child and has contacted the police. She thinks she deserves to go to prison.

I had a phonecall today from the CPS asking if I could make a statement. I refused point blank to answer any quastions/ give any information as I really do not want any involvement in this(my sister told me she was about to do this and I begged her not to).

The CPS put quite a lot of pressure on me on the phone saying they needed evidence to corroberate her story etc. I asked if I HAD to give a statement and she said no. I said in that case I have nothing to say to you and hung up the phone.

My question is this- if this does end up in court can I be supenered to appear/give evidence against my mother even if I haven't made a statement. Can the police make me speak to them?

I am really worried about this. I think a number of my family are going to be dragged into this and it could turn very messy.

I'd REALLY appreciate any advice you could give. I'm going to call the CAB tomorrow.

OP posts:
UnderRated · 12/05/2008 22:03

This sounds very messy and unpleasant but I think you should give a statement - you have to be honest, whichever side that leads you to be on.

If you have nothing much to say, then at least you have done your bit.

Of course, if you desperately don't want to, you shouldn't but I think you will be dragged into this either way.

Sorry.

Original poster
lessofme · 12/05/2008 22:07

Hi Underrated- do you work/know about the CPS? Why do you think I will become involved eventually? I'm hoping if I make it clear from the start I want no part of this I will be left alone. Is that not how it works?

OP posts:
UnderRated · 12/05/2008 22:13

I only have personal experiences of this - having seen CPS involved in cases of children I taught and more personal ones - The main one I am thinking of is a friend who, at the age of 30, decided to report her father for sexually abusing her when she was 7 - 12. The police were involved.

Most of her family had no idea and could only give statements that said as much. Her sister, who had also been abused, denied everything.

It ended very badly for all.

I'm sorry I am not more positive.

I hope the CAB can help.

Original poster
lessofme · 12/05/2008 22:15

Thankyou. This is really worrying me. My dad is also implicated in all of this and I really feel for him. My ggrandmother too who has recently lost her husband/had a heart attack. Never rains eh? Thanks for answering.

OP posts:
soapbox · 12/05/2008 22:16

Why are you not prepared to give a statement?

All you have to do is be honest about what you observed as a child. You don't have to be drawn into supporting your mother or your sisters, just give the facts as you saw them.

UnderRated · 12/05/2008 22:17

Yes, I am sure it is awful for all of you. I'm really sorry.

I hope someone more knowledgeable comes along soon

usernamechanged345 · 12/05/2008 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lessofme · 12/05/2008 22:31

Thankyou all. If I tell the CPS what I know then they will have a case. If I don't and nobody else does they will have very little to go on. This all happened over 30 years ago by the way.

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 12/05/2008 22:32

Do you not want to give a statement because of what you saw

Or do you not want to give a statement because of what you didn't see

Quattrocento · 12/05/2008 22:33

Sorry xposted

Your poor poor sister.

Original poster
lessofme · 12/05/2008 22:34

If I'm honest I don't want to give a statement because it happened to me too and I can't bear the thought of raking it all out again.
I am 37 now, happily married with 2 lovely girls. I have managed to put this behind me and build a happy life for me and my family. I don't want anything rocked.

OP posts:
soapbox · 12/05/2008 22:34

I think you need to do the 'right' thing and make a statement then.

It is not for you to determine the rights and wrongs of what happened when you were a child. The courts will do that not you.

I think it takes great courage to do what your sister has done - I hope you can also find the courage too

Freckle · 12/05/2008 22:35

Are you saying that you did see your mother abusing your sister, but don't want to say so because it will get your mum into trouble?

Original poster
lessofme · 12/05/2008 22:36

Don't feel too sorry for her. She was violent towards me too as a young adult (I realise the home situation must have contributed too) and blames a lot of her emotional/mental instability on the past/childhood as a way of not taking responsibility for her own happiness.

OP posts:
UnderRated · 12/05/2008 22:39

Aaah, lessofme. I think you know what you have to do then. It won't be pleasant for anyone but if you know what happened, you need to say. Please don't be angry with your sister for doing this. Everyone handles these things differently.

Again, I'm sorry.

Quattrocento · 12/05/2008 22:40

I am sorry for you both

I understand your reticence but for your sister at least would it not help her to get some resolution?

soapbox · 12/05/2008 22:42

I think you should view this quite separately from whether your 'feel sorry' for your sister or not.

This is about giving evidence of events that happened in your family - what impact they had on you vs your sister is neither here nor there.

I don't think you should just sweep this under the carpet - I think you should just say what happened and leave the courts to decide whether any wrongs were committed.

BecauseImWorthIt · 12/05/2008 22:42

Sorry to be harsh, but just because you are now happy it's not fair to refuse to help your sister - who presumably is very unhappy?

Original poster
lessofme · 12/05/2008 22:44

Sorry, I'm still saying nothing.

If I were you looking in at my situation I would be saying the same thing but it's different when it's happening to you.

We're not talking sexual abuse here. Violence, yes but no broken bones- hospitalisation or anything like that.

My mum spent quite a lot of time in a psychiatric unit- lots of suicide attempts etc and suffers bad depression still (I have no contact with her now). I know what she did was wrong but how is punishing someone who is mentally ill going to help?

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 12/05/2008 22:45

I understand that you are estranged from your sister and that she participated in acts that were harmful to you

But I think soapy is right. If it's at all possible to be dispassionate in this situation, that's the best approach

Say what you saw and let the courts decide

I am sorry again

Original poster
lessofme · 12/05/2008 22:47

The thought of facing my mother while giving evidence against her makes me feel physically sick. She terrifies me. Also, I am being treated with PND for the second time in 3 years. I really don't think I could cope with it.

I hadn't had any contact with my sister with 6 years.

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 12/05/2008 22:47

"how is punishing someone who is mentally ill going to help?"

See, don't take that upon yourself, it's up to the courts to decide. You mustn't feel responsible in any way for that.

soapbox · 12/05/2008 22:48

I think it is most likely that your mother's emotional state will be taken into account by the courts - indeed you can include this in your own statement if you wish.

I am not sure that this will really be about 'punishing' your mother, but about bringing some kind of resolution to things for your sister - validating that what happened was wrong, perhaps.

I do think it would be wrong of you not to do this - afterall, if you are as happy as you say you are, what harm will it do to give your version of events?

Renaissancewoman · 12/05/2008 22:51

I am criminal lawyer. You can not be forced to give a statement or speak to the police. In theory you could be compelled to give evidence in court, but if you say nothing other than you do not want to be involved, it is unlikely that either side would call you as a witness as they do not know what you might say. Tactically (ie speaking as a trial lawyer) this would be a very unusual thing to do.

However, I suspect that if you have any kind of relationship with your Mum and/or sister you will come under more pressure from them to help and become involved.

My personal view is that if you don't want this raked up in yourlife then don't get involved. I don't suppose any good will come of it. Your sister will not feel healed and it will not undo what has been done. Unless abuse was v bad, broken bones or significant serious injuries, sexual abuse etc I think it unlikely that a prison sentence would be imposed given the time lapse involved. My advice stick to your guns.

fletchaaarr · 12/05/2008 22:52

You should give the statement and tell the truth

It is not up to you to decide what is relevent after what time period or what the extenuating circumstances were.

You are asked to tell the facts as you remember them and it is up to the judge / jp to do the rest

I am sorry for what happened to you and understand that you want to forget, but you are denying that your sister is telling the truth, when she is telling the truth, and that is horrid