I can’t afford to live

[Meeemeee88]

Just that really . I’m feeling extremely depressed over it and I can’t see anyway my life is going to get better . Basically I spend 14 years bringing up my 3 kids for my relationship to then break down . I did a degree and had kids straight away so always did low paid minimum wage jobs so my partner could get a career basically ( I was the main childcare provider) my degree is useless as it’s an art degree and where I live I can’t get anything in the field plus I have 3 kids youngest one is a toddler and primary school ages kids . Ex kept the house and bought me out but half my money went on personal debt plus he kept all the contents so I had to buy everything new again (even tho I had no extra money for this ? Just half the equity) and I’ve almost spend the other half just to get by every month for the last couple years . I live in a council house , I have no family as parents passed away so no support network really . I’m limited to what I can work as I have to pick up kids three days a week from school as well as take them to school 4 days a week as he can’t do it due to his job so I’m really tied . I have them half and half with him so only have every other weekend off but even on weekends off I have to take one child to rugby on Saturdays and one to football Sundays etc as the both play the same time at different places . I’m so down about the fact I’m almost 40 with a shitty minimum wage job ( I can only work a couple days due to child commitments) I’m more upset how rubbish my future looks , I have no career, no house etc and I feel like it will just get worse . I spoke to citizens advice as I can’t even afford to heat my home anymore …and I’m more upset again as she worked out just to cover my basics for living compared to my income etc I’m actually £80 under every month 😣 I’m worried now as all my savings will be gone soon and then what ? No xmas gifts , no birthdays , no days out ( hardly doing that anyway ) but what a shit sad life . I just feel hopeless . I want to study to do nursing or something but it seems impossible due to no funding or time or support with children. How do I commit to anything

@Meeemeee88 nursing is exempt from the funding rule - you are allowed funding for it even if you already have a student loan

Well done OP. A lot of people post these threads & shoot down every suggestion.

It'll never be the perfect time/circumstances to change your life but it's in your hands & you can do it. Honestly, if you're a single mum to 3 kids, you clearly have skills in:

• Hard work
• Juggling competing priorities
• Organisation
• Resilience
• Time management
• Mediating
• Grit & determination

So you can do anything!!

Best of luck. I'm sure you'll make an amazing teacher or whatever you decide x

Aw thank you so much that’s really kind of you !!! Yes I’ve taken away a lot from this ! I feel so much better about things today and I’m grateful to everyone on here for their input ! I’ve looked at my near uni for teaching and it’s completely making sense to me . Also my ex works as a lecturer too so we both will have no issues regarding childcare coming the summer holidays etc so it makes complete sense ! I also don’t feel like I’ll be wasting years away studying for nothing . I’m really excited to look forward now . 😊😊😊

I’m so pleased that posting yesterday has made you feel more positive @Meeemeee88 , onwards and upwards you can definitely do this .

Good luck!

Should have raft 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

You could consider teaching

Art and design - Secondary
Tax free Bursaries of £10,000 are available for trainee art and design teachers if you're eligible.
You can receive this alongside a tuition fee and maintenance loan.
You could also get extra funding support if you're a parent or carer or if you're disabled.

You can still apply to the child maintenance service even if 50/50 overnights if you do more of the day to day care which you do. You'll get just under half of what you'd get if you had them full time. You must get the benefits for the children that's a decent amount?

Rather than nursing I would look at teaching- good hours when you have kids not really any unsocial hours no nights, weekends, lates as you already have an art degree you could top up do your teaching degree can’t remember the name maybe more suitable?

You could also look into training as a family support worker

Are you on a social tariff fo everything you can be?

Here's some info about help with funding for nursing OP, if that's the direction you want to go I don't think things are as bleak as you thought https://www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/career-planning/study-and-training/considering-or-university/financial-support-university

Apply to the court for spousal maintenance. Why shouldn't you! 14 years you put your career on hold looking after BOTH your children. Think what opportunities you could have missed out on during that time. Even if it is only to get you through the hard years of childcare etc, made worse by the cost of living increase.

There's nothing saying you'd 100% get it but it's worth a shot.

Will he not increase child maintenance? Because you should still be entitled to some even with shared care.

Do you claim universal credit, if so you can get help with childcare cost, get a job with more hours and use childcare like most people. Once your youngest is in school, look at nursing, there's more than one route in now too

https://www.charityjob.co.uk/jobs?workplace=hybrid&workplace=remote

I've also filtered for remote and hybrid jobs that you can apply to while you're deciding next steps. Make a list of all your transferable skills and then apply for jobs which advertises for these skills. You might surprise yourself as to which sector or job type you end up in.

Apologies if I have misunderstood and/or someone else has mentioned above. I think you can get funding to train as a nurse if you work in a care role at a lower grade, the trust will support you to do this whilst you work. Like an apprenticeship. So paid whilst training. Happy to be corrected.

hang in there - you’re are still young and if you have (most) of your health things can take a turn for the better.

Of course it is all very amicable because he is taking the piss if he wants 50/50 because then he doesn’t have to pay you maintenance but he can’t do his big career job and take children to school.

If he supposedly has a career then he has a pension. Didn’t you get 50% (at least from that) and any savings and investments etc) why didn’t you get half the furnishings

Who did your divorce because they need reporting if they missed those things.

50/50 is the start.

At least tell him to arrange his own childcare on his half of the week.

Also why are you getting alternate weekends. Surely you have set days. One weekend day and the beginning or end of the week.

I know this might be a bit out there but your ex sounds anything but amicable. Infact he sounds controlling and I would be very wary of him “helping you out”

He is keeping an eye on you and keeping things amicable because he really doesn’t want you to look at things too deeply otherwise he might be asked to pay up.

Keep your plans to yourself.
Dont tell him anything. He might seem like it is all very friendly but from what you have described he is not your friend.

You are divorced. Time to not ask him for help with the kids on your days and time he organised childcare for days when he has dc. I know I have a suspicious mind but be careful with asking for his help with dc as he could go for full custody because you aren’t able to cope with dc on your own and you will then lose your house and be working to pay him child maintenance

I disagree that your art degree is useless recently I have seen a lot of people offering art experiences in church halls to learn to draw/ paint/ clay model etc they are charging a fair amount and lists of people seem to be signing up could you look into this as a side line to get your confidence up and make money same time.

I agree with what others have said - the way you are managing childcare with your ex is not fair on you. You are doing pick ups due to his job, which then prevents you from working. Great for him as he doesn't need to juggle school runs with work and also great for him as he doesn't pay maintenance! Definitely re look at this, most working parents use breakfast and after school clubs

Your degree doesn’t only give you access to jobs relating to it.

Lots of grads of the arts, history, English etc get graduate roles in accounting, journalism etc that include training. Could that be an option?

Exactly this!

I would imagine nursing whilst rewarding will not be easy with shifts when you have children to look after. It is not like there is someone at home who will care for then when you are at work, e.g. 2 till 10. As for teaching, it is not family friendly. Hope you can soon see the wood through the trees OP.

This thread's been asleep for 3 months

I look after people's dogs in my home, for people who hate kennels. I can easily make over £100 a day doing this. I know it's a bit niche, but honestly I am turning away customers left, right and centre. You get a licence from your council which costs about £150 and insurance is about £125, and you are good to go. The only possible barrier would be the age of the youngest child - some councils don't give licences if there is a child under 5. But all councils are different. During the summer I make an absolute fortune. I also do day care. My next day off is in October! With kids at home, I'd be picky and take small dogs only. Fits around school runs and school holidays. It's been life changing for me (used to work for a huge Bank). No boss, no targets.

Consider teaching assistant role