My husband and I are thinking of buying a house together. We currently live in the flat that he owns but it's too small now we also have a child.
I also own a flat that is currently being rented; it’s a lot less valuable than his: worth less than half.
We plan to sell both flats to buy our forever family home.
His family have very generously offered to help us buy a place, but they want any money they contribute plus the money he puts in from the sale of his own flat (they originally purchased it for him) ringfenced with a Tenancy in Common agreement whereby I am only entitled to the exact amount I put in (and the corresponding percentage of interest if it accrues value) if the property is ever sold. They also want us to buy in a particular, and very expensive, area as a condition of contributing the money. I think I would end up owning about a fifth of the property.
I don’t know how to feel about this. On the one hand, I can absolutely understand their desire to protect their wealth and it’s completely fair. On the other hand, I’m struggling to get over how much less financial security I will have than my husband should our marriage ever end. (We really love each other and have a strong and honest relationship, so I’m not expecting this to happen, but then who is?)
I am feeling extremely financially insecure as my career (and self esteem) has taken a big hit post maternity leave as I’ve struggled to find steady work (I freelance). I have mostly been living off my rental income (which I will obviously lose if we sell my flat to buy a family home as per the plan) with my husband covering our major expenses.
I also still look after my daughter one day a week and am the default caregiver any time she wakes in the night, there’s a nursery inset day or she’s off sick (which is a lot!). We are also talking about possibly having a second child, so I’m aware my earning potential might suffer more over the next few years, not least because I will be exhausted.
i think I’m also scared that our financial situations will get further and further apart and I’ll be constantly worried about how I can earn enough to give myself a decent safety net and/or that I won’t be able to keep up with the lifestyle my husband aspires to because I’ll be constantly trying to save!
The bills on a big house will be higher, as will the cost of living in the area his family wants us to buy. I also think I just don’t like the idea of owing only 1/5 of our family home. I guess I want to feel like equals and like a team and I also worry how I’d buy another home suitable for two children in this very expensive area (presuming they’d be at school there) if he ever left me.
It seems that with a Tenancy in Common agreement I also wouldn’t automatically get the house if my husband died, so I have a fear that should that if happened, my children and I could get kicked out of our family home if his parents decided to sell (I think this is very unlikely as they are good people, but it still makes me feel insecure).
Does anyone have any advice? Am I looking at this the wrong way? I want to feel happy and excited about the prospect of moving to a lovely new home together, but I just feel anxious and sad.