How to split the bills - not married?

[Soooooooverthisnow]

What is a fair way to split bills here? I would appreciate your views. Together 9 years. Not married. 1DC (6).

I take home £3,800. Partner £1,800.

Mortgage is £1,000 - I am purposely not married and want to keep paying this myself, house is in my name only.

Other bills (utilities, childcare, food etc) c. £1,000 (probably an underestimate)

Car including fuel £200 (ish per month if I average out the annual costs), partner doesn't drive but benefits from me doing all the driving.

I then have about £500 of my own bills (credit card, contact lenses, life insurance, mounjaro jabs etc).

I currently save £500 a month (inc £100 for DC). Partner doesn't save.

I don't know if we should be looking at this proportionate to take home pay, or to be both left with similar amounts each month, before or after savings?

Then how do you split the other things like meals out and holidays?

At the moment I am paying for everything and am skint every month and partner seems to have loads of cash for going out and it's pissing me off. I don't want to approach the subject until I have some options to present. I don't think starting off a conversation with a blank sheet of paper will get us to any kind of agreement.

Thanks in advance

personally if in a committed relationship , ideally you put all your money into one pot and the bills come out of that. Agree an amount each for personal spend and what evers left savings.

my wife and I have earnt different levels of I income over years, she currently earns about £700 more than me a month. We have never adjusted it and kept to same principles. I realise that every relationship is different though so what may work for us may not work for others.

If your p is happy for you to completely support them and for them to have far more money left at the end of the month than you, do they care about you? Do you want to stay in the relationship? If so, why? What is the point of them?

I couldn't live with myself if I saw my h struggling to support me when I wasn't putting my weight.

He's not a keeper.

One option is:

You pay 68% of shared bills, he pays 32% of the shared bills. As you bring on 68% of the income and he brings in 32%.

If it was me I’d go 50/50 on shared bills

and get legal advice on your house to ensure he can’t claim a stake on it down the line

You need a cohabitation agreement put in place to stop him staking a claim on your house should you ever split up. If he's paying you money and it goes on any home improvements or mortgage payments he'd have a case. You'd have to prove that the money isn't going towards these things which is harder than it sounds. He doesn't sound worth the hassle tbh, you'll end up resenting him in the long run.

I think there are a variety of ways to share finances that are reasonable in theory. Everything shared, both paying 50% of the bills (assuming you're living within the lower earner's means) or proportioning them according to earnings. Early in a relationship, I think the 50/50 or proportional bills are reasonable.

But personally, my viewpoint of money is that if you love someone and are committed to a life together, you should want them to have the same financial security you do. That means equal access to all household funds and equal amounts of "fun money" to spend on yourselves after bills. And that includes things like providing for pensions etc if one person is out of work or takes a pay cut. That's what we do. Having the same fun money to save or spend as we see fit saves a lot of resentment about what we spend it on.

This assumes both parties are reasonable with money and no one has bad intentions to exploit the other or deliberately take the piss with working hours etc of course.

Proportionate to wage. I don't buy this shit where people say you should have equal spending money in a relationship when one of you clearly works harder at a career

I earnt three times what ex did. I made sure he paid half the mortgage since he'd be entitled to half the house in divorce (you don't have that issue though!) I paid for the big things like childcare and holidays and DIY

So you cover everything and save and he contributes nothing?

What are you gaining from this relationship?

It should 50/50 of all shared bills and you each pay your own personal bills with him contributing to petrol.

What is the rent costs locally for a single man? Plus bills and food etc.

Stop this today!

Do a list of all shared bills even the child’s savings and tell him this is what he’s paying. I wouldn’t keep a man having a fun time and leaving you with nothing.

I have different thoughts on bill splitting to most. We split everything 50/50. I like that it puts no pressure on buying what I want, deciding to earn more/less. I would fully support my partner in terms of unemployment or ill health as I know he wouldn't milk it.

I earn more than dp but we keep costs to being affordable for him and there's no pressure on him to commit to a lifestyle he can't afford. I then have extra to save and spend.

I would go 50/50 on everything except the mortgage which I would keep paying yourself. I wouldn't save anything for him.

Split on a percentage basis.

You earn 67.8% of the income you pay 67.8% of the bills.

Mortgage is £1,000 - I am purposely not married and want to keep paying this myself, house is in my name only. You pay this

Other bills (utilities, childcare, food etc) c. £1,000 (probably an underestimate) you go halves. Why is he not paying for this? He's using the utilities and eating the food and his child is the one in childcare. He needs to pay half of all shared bills.

Car including fuel £200 (ish per month if I average out the annual costs), partner doesn't drive but benefits from me doing all the driving. You pay this

I then have about £500 of my own bills (credit card, contact lenses, life insurance, mounjaro jabs etc). You pay this

In these circumstances with this income difference I would get him to pay half the shared bills. So sounds like about 6-700. Maybe another 100 for household items and repairs.

Definitely keep the house separate if not married.
He can’t complain as he gets to live in your house for free. I would say the same to a woman too btw.

Does he do half the labour too? What does he contribute now?

Meals out and holidays also 50:50.

Does he do half the childcare?

He should pay half of shared bills given he doesn’t need to pay for a mortgage / rent.

50/50 of all bills with exception of Mortgage. As he's not on that and never likely to benefit from it, it is unreasonable to ask him to pay 50% of that. But you need to agree a fair amount in relation to this, he'd have rent, council tax etc if he had his own place so right now he is massively benefitting from the arrangement.

My wife and I did this until we got married then we pro-rated it by income. I'm the higher earner so pay the most but now it's all family money and bills.

Before we were married, if we ever split any proceeds would have been split 50/50 as per the contributions.

I can understand your frustration though. I feel like all my disposable money is taken up whereas my wife has a rainforest worth of parcels delivered around pay day. We joke about it, though, as it is never stuff for us but almost always the kids.

50/50 on all shared bills - food, utilities, council tax etc

You keep paying the mortgage if that’s what you want. Your partner is saving a huge amount having no rent or mortgage.

50/50 on all meals, trips, holidays etc

I cannot abide people who do not contribute or couldn’t manage on their own should a partner disappear. If they can’t afford the above then they cannot afford to live with you and should get their own place (which they clearly can’t afford, hence sponging off you).

The only thing exception to the above would be if a partner insisted that their other half work part time for childcare reasons and therefore the person working part time earns less. I would not expect someone to pay 50% of bills etc had they been forced into part time work. In this case all money should be pooled and seen as family money.

50/50 on shared Bill's or even him slightly more as he doesn't have rent. Make sure you have it 8n writing that hes not contributing to mortgage. Be aware there are ways other than marriage to acquire a share in someone else's property.

9 years and a kid together. Surely commit or break up, what's the point otherwise? Why is the house just yours? Surely you think you'll be together forever and love/ trust him or you want out and find something you do?

Otherwise you pay mortgage and personal bills. He should pay half of car bills given his usage and your child's usage. He should also be paying some form of rent towards wear and tear on the house from him and your child- £250 sounds fair to me. Food and utility I'd split 2/3 to you, 1/3. Also make sure he's paying towards kids stuff.

Holidays, days out etc also 2/3, 1/3. But personally such a transactional relationship wouldn't be worth being in.

Did you discuss any finances before kids?

I'm assuming you are the female and the partner the male? It's not really relevant but if you were the male you would probably get different answers.

What was your partners living arrangements when you first dated? Did they have a house?

"Mortgage is £1,000 - I am purposely not married and want to keep paying this myself, house is in my name only".

My thoughts: I'd suggest you get legal advice to make sure he doesn't have a claim.

And If it's ok with your legal advisor and doesn't jeopardise you in any way, I would ask if potentially he could contribute to the mortgage interest only. ie not the capital.

During the first decade or something of a mortgage each payment is high on interest. So it could be that £600 of your £1000 repayment is interest. In which case I would split that with him 50-50 at £300 each (your annual mortgage statement should tell you how much or phone them) and pay the £400 capital myself.

At the moment he is living rent free. That isn't very fair. Him paying his half of the interest (which is kind of like rent in as much as you never see the money again as it goes to the banks profits the way rent goes to a landlords profits) would even the score. And give you £300 a month more. He couldn't get a rental half property for that so it's still a bargain for him.

"Other bills (utilities, childcare, food etc) c. £1,000 (probably an underestimate)"

My thoughts: 50/50. Unless anyone has particularly expensive tastes or particularly cheap tastes! For example if you bought £200 of kids luxury designer clothes every month that's unnecessary and your choice so I would not expect him to stump up for that. That should come out of your own cash. However he needs to pay half of kids clothes that ARE required. And half of all other kid stuff like childcare etc as the kid is half his.

Likewise if one of you like a bottle of Bolly every week and the other is teetotal then why should they pay half of the over £200 per month. If the food and drink is roughly 50/50 though he needs to pay that. Unless he lives in processed meat sandwiches and cornflakes or something weird and cheap in which case you should pay more than him as your food costs more.

"Car including fuel £200 (ish per month if I average out the annual costs), partner doesn't drive but benefits from me doing all the driving."

My thoughts: you pay as it's yours however if you run him around a lot he needs to do something for you. Perhaps petrol money in a jar you both put in to or he could fill up the tank every so often or take you out for a meal. Depends on use tbh.

"I then have about £500 of my own bills (credit card, contact lenses, life insurance, mounjaro jabs etc)."

My thoughts: this comes out of your spending money. As should his own bits and bobs, magazine subscriptions, hair cuts etc.

As should saving. If one chooses to spend their left over money and the other saves that's their choice. Holidays decorating etc are all 50/50 choices and 50/50 payments.

He may balk at this as he will be over £300 down per month so have your facts and figures ready and I'd not mention the legal advice as he may get upset. But make sure you get it. Your home is at risk if you don't.

You haven't detailed who does the childcare or housework which is very relevant here. Is one of you on a part time wage due to that?

Anyway, you don't sound very committed to each other whatsoever, this is all very strange.

If you want it to be your house, then you pay for mortgage, repairs etc alone.

Everything else, all money in to one pot. Pay everything from it. Split the remainder as disposable income in half.

How do you feel about the fact that you outearn him so much, and that he is a low earner?

How does he feel about having no property assets and no savings? does he have a pension or any plans for the future?

You are not equals in this respect, and you have not chosen to commit fully (financially) by putting everything in the same family pot to equalise things that way. I wonder if you don’t fully trust him. What are your long term plans?

Either you put everything in the same pot, on the understanding that you are a family and working together for your shared future - or you split the costs in some way and he starts paying his share of the joint costs of living together and raising a child. You accept that you are going to be living different lives / lifestyles in the same house together. That you can afford to go on holiday and he can’t. That you pay for meals out - or you don’t go. That you have a comfortable retirement and he doesn’t.

This.

Was the house bought during your relationship?

Is his lower salary due to part time around kids or anything?

Since you are paying the mortgage fully, he should pay 50% of the bills and food etc!. Each should pay their own bills. Be careful of him, why is he not saving and just spending his money!. Be very careful!