Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

In debt by a huge amount....how do I get out of this hole..?

115 replies

mrsdebt · 02/05/2008 15:28

For various reasons dh & I are in a huge amount of debt..

Think of a number, treble it, add 10 and you are probably still nowhere near it...

DH is on a very good salary BUT following ds's birth last year (he was v ill) dh didn't work foe 7 months and as he is self employed he received no income.

We had some money saved but this I now know soon run out and dh wanted to sheild me from the true debt figure due to me only just giving birth along with having ds very sick in hospital.

DH is making himself ill, talks of self harm, suicide stories and i am concerned...
Following OTT behaviour its come to light what is on is mind.MONEY.

Today I agreed with dh that if he focussed on his wrk (his current contract emds in 4 weeks time which is adding to stress.) then I will sort the finances. Today I found out the true figure...

I had done a further advance and added the bulk to the mortgage and the mortgage company want my parents to write a letter saying they are paying off he remained amount (complicated....but this letter will just be a letter iykwim and m&d won't actually be paying anything..) and the smaller amount left I will look to out onto 1/2 credit cards on lower interest..

Im devastated, I know we got into this mess BUT at the time life was hard due to ds and all that mattered was him recovering. Work/bills were the least of our worries...till now..

We have a good credit rating and have never missed/defualted on a payment so I guess that helps but can anyone advise me further.

Im a regular mner btw but wanted to keep this annonomous (sp.) Im worried about dh, I am arranging for him to see a councellor next week and he has seen the gp today for various things. He's ill... I just want to know we will get through this...

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsdebt · 03/05/2008 15:28

Im going around in circles here and tbh I don't need this atm. Im trying to do my best and the comment on dh not taking this issue on board..he is depressed and this is not him at all. He is the type of bloke who takes the world on his shoulders and it doesn't concern him...
This is clearly hitting home with him and he has the options of fight or flight..At the moment his solution is flight.

Yeah, not the answer I know but for the time being I have to take as much control as I can. Im listening to your advice and am taking it on board.

I don't need suggestions that im not serious about clearing it or how did we get there in the 1st place etc....

Maybe the advice and request of help from myself should end here....Im not putting my head in the sane but wanted advice not criticism.

I will get advice from elsewhere on tuesday.

OP posts:
LIZS · 03/05/2008 15:28

There is little point in him earning relatively a lot in short term contracts if it means you have long periods of financial insecurity when you are still paying the same overheads (car etc). That is evidently stressful for him and may even be why he is running up bills you simply cannot afford to pay.

hercules1 · 03/05/2008 15:29

I kind of wish I hadnt wasted my time posting now..

Original poster
mrsdebt · 03/05/2008 15:30

thanks soapbo. Will look at it now.

Expat, I knew there was debt BUT nowhere near what it is..
Calculating the figures yesterday doubled what I though it was...

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 03/05/2008 15:30

there's a good thread on here yesterday about car boot sales as well.

lots of good tips for selling.

perhaps have a clearout and see what you can get from that.

also switching suppliers for services.

this can also help and there are loads of threads on here about that.

expatinscotland · 03/05/2008 15:31

how about taking a lodger?

would this be a possibility?

you can keep up to £3-£4K tax free, i can't remember which, but someone will be along who knows or check the IR site.

SaintGeorge · 03/05/2008 15:32

Sorry, only had time to skim read so apologies if someone has said this or you have changed your mind anyway.

DO NOT get your mum to lie about paying off the car debts if it is a condition of you getting the advance from your bank. They can and will check if the debt is still outstanding in a few months time and could foreclose on your whole loan if they decide you have not been entirely truthful. Just not worth the risk.

soapbox · 03/05/2008 15:32

Mrs Debt - I am sorry - yes I can see that is might take some time to get your head around things. But you are right - life is not going to be the same for some considerable time. Is DH really being truthful that all this debt ran up in only 7 months - that really is a heck of a burn rate if so.

It seems much more likely to me that you have been living beyond your means for quite some time and so have perhaps been in denial about how bad things are for quite some time. I was trying to get you to see, that this lifestyle was unsupportable in any event, much less so now that you are in so much debt.

I think you need to sit down again, with a better understanding of how bad things are, and take a very large cart and horses through your current expenditure.

It may also be the case that selling up and moving to somewhere smaller, might be a better solution for you as a family - even if you have to sell the house for less than you think it is worth - far better that than losing teh whole thing if the bank foreclose.

Mercy · 03/05/2008 15:32

And loads of threads on how to reduce food bills etc.

MrsD, people are only trying to help - but I guess it might look as though you are being bombarded!

Original poster
mrsdebt · 03/05/2008 15:33

LIZ, dh has never had periods of no work...he has always managed to sail from contract to contract. This though is the risk he takes to get a good income. (double what he would get permi)

The only time he didn't work was after ds was born. He had saved for around 2 months off expecting just 1 month off BUT things changed once ds was born...Hence the period of no work...

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 03/05/2008 15:33

if you live in an area where there's a local attraction going on every year, renting your home out whilst you go away could be an option.

for example, i know someone in edinburgh who has a very lovely flat near town centre, edinburgh.

every august, he lets his flat out for the month of august during the festival.

now he's doing well financially so he uses the money he gets to go on holiday for a month, but it's still a means of raising revenue.

LIZS · 03/05/2008 15:33

You do need to understand some of the reasons how you have got into this situation to work out how to manage it going forwards thgouh. I don't think anyone here has criticised your lifestyle, just that you may need to reevaluate it according to what you can afford at present. Your dh has obviously not shared the extent of it until now, so that he has now is at least a step in the right direction. He may need to hear it from others who are less involved though before he can actually see a way through.

Original poster
mrsdebt · 03/05/2008 15:35

yes, we did have credit card debt before all this BUT it was less than half of what it is now...much less..

Thanks again for the advice everyone. x

OP posts:
CarGirl · 03/05/2008 15:35

I have assumed that you have a "nice" house and "nice" cars and if you have several bedrooms I really would suggest renting out a spare room or downsizing. The fact you have an interest only and have not paid into an endowment is not a good sign about what has been happening for the last 2 years.

Please believe me that living in a small house etc is worth it to be rid of the kind of debt you have at the moment.

Original poster
mrsdebt · 03/05/2008 15:38

yeah liz, atm dh is low and you are right he does need others to advise him on this. He see's a counsellor next week who hopefully can chill him out and to talk sense to him.

ATM whatever I say goes in one ear and out the other..Like I said, he's not dh atm...I just need to support him and to do what I can for the time being. x

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsdebt · 03/05/2008 15:39

cg, the house has been on the market x3 in 3 years...the market is not moving well around here..I would love to be in a smaller home, even suggested that to dh months ago BUT we need a buyer and that not happening atm....

OP posts:
CarGirl · 03/05/2008 15:40

start by meal planning and eating the contents of your freezer and look at seeing if you could cope without your car. Provided your dh continues to earn well hopefully this will only be a small blip in your lifetime but if you learn to live more cheaply think how quickly you could pay that mortgage off in the future see it all as a new challenge.

expatinscotland · 03/05/2008 15:40

might be worth it to see another estate agent and ask what he/she thinks about selling your house - price, etc. - and look round at what else you might be able to get.

it's usually free to do this so it couldn't hurt, yeah?!

noddyholder · 03/05/2008 15:42

Sell up and move on ime very few people could get out of that amount of debt without a hugelifestyle change and that is not going to happen.Drop teh price of the house because being really honest if you could afford it and the lifestyle you lead you wouldn't be in debt.Rent for a while and buy back in when you are in a better situation

DaisySteiner · 03/05/2008 15:47

mrsdebt - we spend about £65 a week on groceries for 2 adults and 4 children, so it is possible to cut your bill considerably if you want to. We eat healthily and well too. That doesn't include nappies, but using washables can save you a fair bit and every little bit helps when you need to cut down on spending.

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 03/05/2008 15:48

Hercules I thought some of your advice was very good even though non of it was acknowledged. If Ive learnt one thing from MN its that if you're not in the click be prepared to be ignored. Im sick of giving advice and asking for it and being ignored too.

pinkyminky · 03/05/2008 15:55

Hi we don't have a massive debt, but had to make a lot of changes when I stopped work, so thought some of our budgetting tips may help:
We shop at the supermarket once a month to a strict budget, and just buy enough fruit and veg each week to an equally strict budget.
I have always used cloth nappies, which are much cheaper than disposables. Buy them second hand.
WE take out a small amount of cash each week for general expenses, and only use the cards on clothes etc., also to a budget.
DH fills up the car once a month.
We only have one car. TBH, I have two under three at home and I have not needed a car. WE go to baby groups and sometimes swimming, either walk or on the bus. We have only ever had one car and even with a very small mortgage have no idea how people can or would want to afford two!

I have a little etsy business which does bring in spare cash, but there are lots of office type things you can do from home to boost income.

We only ever buy new things in sales or with money off coupons, and have switched from toy shops to charity shops- the children love them!
WE do have a very small dining out budget- you do need little things like this otherwise your budget would be impossible to stick to, but as a rule we take packed lunches.
We go to National Trust places for special days out, as we get membership for christmas from PIL.
We camp for holidays, also get camping and caravan club membership for christmas from my parents- the discounts are good.

WE used to have lots of disposable income, now we don't and we have had to completely change our mindset when it comes to money. It can be quite enjoyable, when you put your mind to it, and there is no guilt.
Hope some of those ideas are of help.

pinkyminky · 03/05/2008 16:00

Hercules, I think your ideas are good, too. Sometimes I just think I'm typing in invisible ink, too! But there are plenty of people on here who will have found what you've said useful, so take heart.

pinkyminky · 03/05/2008 16:02

Ask for things you need for birthday/christmas presents, and save up for the things you want

expatinscotland · 03/05/2008 16:06

i also found hercules most helpful

Swipe left for the next trending thread