Joint bank account or not.

[Mamana127]

Hi could I please ask what other people do? I know every household is different, but what do majority of people do in times of money management in marriages. Im on a fact finding mission.
I recently married not too recent coming up to two years. But we lived together as partners for years.
Before marriage we both had separate accounts which we have maintained,
I work full time and earn OK my DH earns more than me.
We split everything in the middle. We have 1 kid together and two stepchildren each.
So my question is shouldn’t we have one joint account where all wages go? At the moment my DH wants us to open a joint account where we both deposit money for “running our lives” we both deposit the same amount.
I don’t know what he spends the rest of his money on and he is not interested in knowing what I spend my money on, however He forever says he is worried about money and is waiting for payday and I don’t understand why because he earns into six figures.
should I insist on a joint account rather than a bills account or it’s quite normal for people to live like we do?

I’m the same I’m a medium spender but DH doesn’t buy anything at all he will fix until it can’t be fixed which is good for the environment but sometimes you just need that new lamp don’t you 😂. But I’m abit worried about what he is doing with his extra money, I feel like he says that so that I don’t expect him to pay more. I never complain I don’t have money ever if we need anything like milk etc I get it. We do a monthly food shop and we share the bill.

I've been married 10 years and although we have a joint account for bills etc, our wages get paid into our personal accounts. We transfer a % into the joint account to cover expenses.
My DH earns double what I do and I don't really care what he spend his spare money on as long as he isn't asking me for money to cover things or using the joint account for his expenses. I like having the freedom to spend my spare money how I want and no answer 'whats this for' questions if it all went into one pot.

I think that the financial situation is different when there are children involved who are not shared. 50/50 even though one person earns more can be reasonable in these circumstances. We only have shared children but have a joint account for bills ( I pay in more due to earning more) and a joint savings account. We have our own accounts that wages are paid in to and then we transfer to the joint each month. Not married but it would be the same if we were.

It’s not a joint acct as it’s in my name but we have a house account which we contribute equally to and that covers all bills and food apart from car expenses which we pay separately

I needed the lamp! 😂

I'll go out to buy 1 or 2 things and I come back in with 2 bags full and he shakes his head laughing.

My DH and I earn approx the same, maybe me a little more since I'm self-employed and receive dividends from pre marriage investments.
We are 50/50 on mortgage and household bills. Separate accounts, he pays half the mortgage to me and we each are in charge of separate bills (they mostly balance out).
He can spend his money on whatever and likewise. Holidays and fun stuff is usually split but depends on what it is.
It's very important to me to not lose financial independence. Whilst we are a team/partnership we are also individual people

Agree with everyone else, amounts contributed should be proportional to what you earn. If he's on 4x what you make, you paying 50% isn't remotely fair.
Given his lack of financial disclosure and his concerns I think more is going on. You both need to sit down and have a proper discussion over money. He needs to be honest. He's either not managing his money or he's gambling would be my guesses.

Separate everything. Separate accounts. I pay mortgage, he pays all bills. Separate car finances. I wouldn't want it any other way.

We have a joint account that everything goes into then we each pay £150 a month into our personal accounts. This is for us to spend however we want to.

In addition we have a savings account in my name that is used for big things. When we moved house we had a surplus from the sale of our old house to do our new one up. Dh has a tendency to want to spend if it's accessible so we put that safe in my name only. I have offered to put his name on it but he prefers it as it is for the moment although as we get older I will insist in case anything happens to me.

When you have children together you should be a team in my opinion. There have been times where I have earnt the most and times where he has but we both have the same standard of living.

Mine pays more and he put more in a house we are buying 50/50

Hi could I please ask what other people do?

DH and I have totally shared finances since we bought our house. It’s worked well for us. There was a period when I was the sole earner - we shared everything. There was a long period when he was the sole earner - we shared everything. He now earns many times more than I do - we still share everything. True, most of our savings are in my name for tax reasons but I still consider everything to be “ours” not mine.

I know our arrangement doesn’t suit everyone but it’s the norm amongst our friends.

His money is ‘family’ money, mine is my own. Separate bank accounts but full access to his. He pays all the bills, I pay for fun stuff like birthdays, Christmas and holidays. In 30 years of marriage never a single cross word about money. I find that quite true of a lot of long married couples with separate accounts - it’s all about trust.

The fact that you’re doing all the domestic work and he sits back and lets you, I think is the bigger marital issue here. Employing a cleaner is a sticking plaster.

Joint account: all wages go into that

separate personal accounts: each person gets the same amount of spending into that account.

protects the person who may have to go on materity leave, protects both of you if work situations change. If life gets tougher the money into the personal pots gets reduced, equally of course.

A true sharing of lives is not equal but equitable

Same, his income is higher than mine so we pay a proportional amount into the joint account for all bills. I like having my own money, so I can buy presents for him, plus I like to treat myself without having to explain why a large amount has been taken out of the joint account! He wouldn’t mind if I did, but I prefer to decide myself

We just have a joint account and always have had. Sometimes DH earned good money and I was at home or working part time. Sometimes he earned little (self employed) whilst I was on a good full time salary.

We just pool all resources, no matter who earned it and share it.

Do you even know what the bills are? You're just ransferring money to him with no insight into what that money is for or how much you're paying, you have no insight into what he spends money onm? I think this all sounds very worrying and not healthy at all.

DH and I just have one account and all spending comes out of that. I understand not everyone like that system which is fine. But surely no matter what you should dhave broad visibility?

This all sounds very worrying to me and like you are likely subisidising him, which is bad enough, x100 considering he earns more.

We pay all of our wages into one account and we take EQUAL amounts of spending money out into each of our personal accounts, anything left after bills goes into joint savings or split equally between our ISA accounts. This has happened the entirety of our marriage regardless of wage disparity or when I was on SMP. I think when you're married you're a team and you pool your resources, especially if you have kids.

I don't understand blokes with enormous wages expecting their wives to go 50/50 on bills not caring if they have disposable income or savings as if they were in a bloody house share with an acquaintance!

It's one pot in this house, and I wouldn't be paying 50/50 in a marriage when there was such massive disparity in both salaries and house/child stuff. That's your big problem, not whether you have a joint account or not.

For us, we have a joint account but it only gets used for bills. Both own personal accounts otherwise. It's just the way we like it.

No I have access to all bills and check to make sure they are paid and they are paid promptly.

We (newly married but together for 10 years) have personal accounts, personal savings, joint savings, and a joint "everything" account. We contribute 50-50 to the joint account every month.

I earn about 65% of Dp's salary, but it's still a decent salary. Dp's is just high.
Anything for both of us, or anything for general life for one of us that isn't "luxury" comes from the joint account. If it runs low, we top it up from the joint savings. If that runs low (fairly regular occurrence when big expenditure like car fixes etc come out), Dp tops it up. He also overpays the mortgage every now and then.

We recently went on a big holiday - Dp covered the vast majority of it, and does every time we go away. If I want something expensive, Dp tells me to get it on the joint account and ends up topping it up. So on the face of it, it's unequal because I have a lower salary but pay 50% of bills, but Dp ends up spending an awful lot more on both of us without complaint. He's also given me money for my savings to make use of ISA caps etc.

It works well for us, and while I don't know what he has in his account at any one time, nor does he know what's in mine, neither of us would let the other go without, nor would we let the other fritter money away.

I think you should insist on an honest conversation. My parents argued about money for decades and I was insistent that dh and I were honest about it and that it wasn't a source of friction. DH is a high earner but that is neither here nor there - we intended to live a lifetime together - financial decisions are joint even if you don't have a joint bank account, they affect the whole family - they merit discussion.

We have a joint account which everything goes in, and out. We both spend whatever we want without even asking, but then neither of us is high-maintenance, nor silly, and we haven't had a crossed word about money in 30 years.

If I were you, OP, I'd be rather concerned about your DH and his money and his attitude to you and money

We are married with two children. We have a joint account we both pay into monthly and also individual accounts where we keep the rest. I earn about 60% of the household income and my wife 40% so we split bills 60/40 (we have a spreadsheet to check it all works out).