Joint bank account or not.

[Mamana127]

Hi could I please ask what other people do? I know every household is different, but what do majority of people do in times of money management in marriages. Im on a fact finding mission.
I recently married not too recent coming up to two years. But we lived together as partners for years.
Before marriage we both had separate accounts which we have maintained,
I work full time and earn OK my DH earns more than me.
We split everything in the middle. We have 1 kid together and two stepchildren each.
So my question is shouldn’t we have one joint account where all wages go? At the moment my DH wants us to open a joint account where we both deposit money for “running our lives” we both deposit the same amount.
I don’t know what he spends the rest of his money on and he is not interested in knowing what I spend my money on, however He forever says he is worried about money and is waiting for payday and I don’t understand why because he earns into six figures.
should I insist on a joint account rather than a bills account or it’s quite normal for people to live like we do?

I do all the house work and school runs, cooking laundry etc. but next year from January I’m getting a cleaner as I just can’t cope with the demand of my job and keeping on-top of everything else.

DustyLee123,
Before we met I owned my house outright, I sold that when we decided to move in together to buy our current home he also got inheritance from his parents and put in, my money wasn’t up to 50% he contributed 75% and I 25%. We took a small mortgage to fix it to what we wanted. We repay a small amount from half each.
He earns 4 times what I earn. But I still have money left to save and treat the kids so I don’t know why he keeps saying he has money worries. I’ve once asked for a full financial disclosure and to see his account and he completely stopped talking about his money worries neither did he show me his outgoings. I’m feeling very uncomfortable about a lot of things really to open a joint bills account. I transfer the bills money to him and he pays them all. When we have a holiday and I can’t afford it we just don’t go or I dip into my savings to make it happen.

Because he said that’s how it works plus I live with my two kids and they see their dad every weekend. He pays CM and helps out a lot. My DH’s kids are over 20 and working. I’m not sure if he is still helping ex financially though he is mentioned that when they go home to their mums he has to contribute to food, their creams etc.

I have been married nearly 35 years - we have never had a joint bank account, just two separate ones.
It works perfectly - each of is is responsible for paying for different things but, effectively, it means that we hardly ever have to discuss money or "explain" our spending.
We did have a joint mortgage, but I think that's rather different.

Just do whatever works for you, OP - there are no rules.

I wonder how many ladies realise that by having a mortgage with someone you are financially associated with them. Their finances can have an impact on your ability to get credit.

If someone isn’t willing to be transparent about their finances with their partner, they are 100% hiding something. Whether that’s a debt, an income different to what they’ve communicated, a habit or addiction they’d like to keep secret, or in the worst case - perhaps another life (wife, child etc.)

We had separate accounts when living together but not married. Since being married our current account is joint. For savings we have a mix of joint and separate. We also have separate credit cards too.

I think your situation is more complicated because of step children who live in your family home different amounts.

We just have one mutual child, we have a joint account and we both pay into that for bills, food etc and we have joint savings and savings and spending for ds each month we both end up with the same amount of disposable fun money each in our personal accounts, it means some financial independence plus we can buy each other presents and surprises.
I earn more than DH, so I pay more. We split household tasks equally.

My husband’s ex ran off with another man, cleaning out the joint account and running their joint credit card up to the max as she went. My husband had to pay it off, as he was liable too.

Id also be worried about going into a joint account with someone who earns more than you, pays a much smaller percentage of his wage on bills, but is still skint by payday and would have access to your money too in a joint account. You say you don’t care what he spends his money on, and I get that, but in this situation I’d want to know - is he gambling or something??

We have separate accounts, I’d never agree to a joint one.

I’m the higher earner and we split bills, nursery fees etc 50/50.

Why would you never agree to a joint bank account May I ask? Are you are married? If anything was to happen like Divorce they would put EVERYTHING in one port and start from there anyway( I think) 🤔

They would. That’s divorce though, not marriage. Divorce also takes time, it isn’t instant and would mean still having access to my own money with no chance of it being drained by someone else.

A joint pot would make me feel vulnerable, I also wouldn’t want to feel like I need permission to spend my own money.

We have a joint bills account. We each have our own salaries paid into our own account. We each pay in the same amount to the joint account because we earn similar salaries. If one earned more than the other we'd pay into a joint account in proportion to our earnings. We go halves on things like holidays and Xmas costs. This has worked well for 20 years. It helps that we both have a similar attitude to spending. I think it's much harder where salaries differ a lot and/or attitudes towards spending are different.

Ah a typical money is split 50/50 but housework isn‘T which shows a complete lack of respect

hiw Is the house split does it reflect the 75/25

but you need a frank conversation about how he is taking the mick

Get it. But I think in terms of divorce the money in each account would be taken into consideration from the point of separation and living separate lives. Then the final settlement would be minus what you have spent. Again ( I think)
I get your reason, I wouldn’t want anyone to tell me what to do with my own money either. So there are advantages and Disadvantages to it .

What does he say about your supporting him doing everything yet still expects a 59/50 split bexause I assume you can’t work more with taking all that on

Hold on @Mamana127 he earns more but is running out of money is that right and wants to a joint account to use for all spending?

I have been married to DH for 8 years, we opened a joint account before we got married as we were buying a flat. We have both kept our individual bank accounts and our wages are paid into these, we have standing orders set up so a chunk of our wages goes into the joint account after payday for bills, food shopping, things for the house and for our DS. We also each have individual savings in ISAs and individual savings accounts for DS.
However we earn very similar amounts. If DH was earning 6 figures I would expect him to contribute proportionally more and it would definitely be a big concern if he was earning that much and struggling for money every month.

He won't disclose what's happening to his excess money?

I would find that concerning. Of course, he doesn't HAVE to disclose, but the fact that he WONT, would make me uneasy

If he truly IS running out of money each month, but then stops whinging about his apparent lack when you query it, it seems very dodgy

Gambling? Saving for something he doesn't want you to know about? Could be anything really

As far as the 50/50 into the "joint pot" aka HIS bank account (I wouldn't like that he has all the money and pays all the bills)....you have 3 children living at home but only 1 is his? Have I understood that correctly?

So.....yes.....the 50/50 on bills seems more reasonable based on the children ....although if he's earning FOUR times more than you....hmmmm.

I can't understand why you Husband is still contributing to his kids visits to their mum considering they are adults and working? You think he may still be financially contributing to his ex-wife?? That would be highly irregular.

I do think various methods can work, either joint bank accounts everything in one pot, a sperate joint account just for bills or indeed keeping everything separate.

What doesn't work though is when one partner is being secretive around money. You don't seem to know where your husbands money is going and also your are not contributing based on your wages - so effectively you're paying a larger share of your income into the joint pot - he will have much more "spare" cash.

If you were to divorce - you are right in that all money would be considered in terms of division. But because in your case you are both not being transparent with your money - how would you know if he'd got lucky with some investments or something and he had a huge savings pot you didn't know about....... or conversely how would you know if he had a big gambling problem and had wracked up a huge debt.

The issue here isn't weather you should have a joint account or not - it's why isn't your partner being totally open about his money and spending.

You are effectively 3/4 of the household bar weekends so 50:50 is probably about right. Although I would start from proportional to income as a base.

We have separate bank accounts. We split bills down the middle and I transfer him half the bill money every month. We both have access to all bills online so I monitor that I am giving him 50%.

I earn more than him now but a few years ago he used to earn more than me, but we have always paid 50/50.

Food, we either go halves or he buys the daily basic bread, milk, butter, cheese, etc that he picks up on a daily basis and I tend to buy stuff for meals.

Take aways, whoever suggests it pays for it lol. It sounds a bit odd when you put it in writing but it works for us.

I have a separate account which we both put money in, if we are gifted money (Christmas present from parents for example, etc) if we earn anything on the side or if we win anything (think lottery, grand national, scratch cards, stuff like that), we use this for any maintenance or emergencies.

Our personal accounts are just that. I know he has money in the bank because he is a saver rather than a spender, he knows I rarely have much left at the end of the month because I am a spender and not a saver.

But this way I don't have to justify spending £150 on a lamp that I want, because it's my money to do with what I wish and if it were up to him we would still have the same furniture and fittings that we had 15 years ago because if it's not broken he won't replace anything 😂(even if it's broken it's fine until it literally falls apart)

We've never had joint accounts (30 years) just through laziness. I still have the current account I had at 18. We earned the same for the first 10 years or so but DH now earns massively more than me. Bills come out of whoever's account was handy when they were first set up. Most things are paid for by whoever gets their phone out first, though I'm more tech savvy so online things are all me. He has a standing order into my account each month and I just nick more if I need it (I have full access to his online accounts). However, it seems more the norm now to maintain financial separation and your DH's proposal is a common way of working. Personally I think it's really strange that people don't discuss what they are spending their money on as ultimately it affects both parties.

Joint current and savings account; and separate current (for incoming wages) and savings (if there is leftover after bills) accounts. We also have a shared credit card account.

Proportionate split of bills/expenses - so every month we each put in our share into joint savings and then it gets transferred out to pay bills (direct debits, credit card etc.).

It's not fair on you to go 50/50 if your partner earns significantly more than you.

We also split the housework, mostly me telling him what to do😄

We pool all money, but we don’t have any non-shared children. I think if we did, I might want to arrange the accounts differently.