I’m thoroughly fed up and I don’t know what to do.
My husband and I have been married for 2 years. We got engaged within 6 months and were married within a year. I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant with our second child.
He has been self employed the whole time I have known him and I have been happy to cover financial gaps where needed and we blend our money together.
What has really started to annoy me is his approach to money. You won’t ever find him without a beer in his hand or vape in his mouth. I didn’t know until we were married that he owed almost £30k to HMRC for failing to manage his tax returns properly. We got a last minute deal on the wedding which he said he’d pay for (I didn’t want to take it because I personally couldn’t fund it) and at the last hour I had to get a loan to cover the wedding because he didn’t have the money. Just a couple of examples - he’s always struggling for money despite earning a good amount. He just wastes money on crap - mainly alcohol. I have had to bail us out multiple times and I have several credit cards and an overdraft to show for it.
I have repeatedly done monthly budgets which he won’t stick to, he won’t even look at the spreadsheet, hundreds go missing each month and I’m really losing my rag now. He refuses to talk about money without getting angry and he just won’t work with me on it. He makes regular digs about him being the only one bringing the income in but both of our children were planned and we agreed that I would stay at home for their first years. This had been budgeted for but of course he won’t stick to the budget.
I love him and have no desire to leave him but I have taken back to back maternity leaves to have our children and I myself have taken a big cut to do this. My maternity pay is frankly crap but I have sacrificed everything - I don’t buy myself a thing and felt guilty even buying anything for my hospital bag. Even if I wanted to leave him I literally couldn’t afford it at this point.
He hasn’t been paid today, not his fault, the fault of the ridiculous company he has been doing work for which I have been asking him to leave for months. So our rent won’t be paid, debt payments won’t be paid and I’m going to struggle to buy food. I’m at my wits end really because if he’d have stuck to budgets, half of the debt would have been gone and I’d have less to worry about.
I’m desperately trying to stay calm due to pregnancy but I am in tears. I have nowhere to turn, no more money to bail us out with. I can’t discuss this with family or friends because I’m genuinely so embarassed. I feel I have been so stupid in bailing us so many times, it’s become clear that he’s run to his parents for bail outs regularly which they do for him. He has a definite issue with alcohol and little regard for our situation. He walked through the door with a £22 bottle of red wine the other week as a treat for not drinking in the week which just floored me.
I don’t know what to do for best anymore. If anyone can offer any guidance or words of wisdom I’d appreciate because currently I feel like an idiot. And I’m not entitled to claim anything so universal credit etc won’t be an option for me. I really do not want to enter into debt management etc and have my credit file ruined.
He can’t take on any debt because - surprise surprise - his credit file is awful.