Debt.. if so, how much?

[Onetwobuckeroo]

Evening. For a bit of context I worry about money constantly. My husband doesn’t but understands why I do.

I was brought up to save, don’t buy anything without saving first etc. My husband’s family are more live for the day.

Please help me rationalise my constant worry. Do people have debt? My husband tells me everyone does, it’s normal. Then how much is “normal”?

I appreciate it’s a subjective question.

This, 100%. I am a debt adviser and trust me, people in debt don't want to talk about it.

OP I always remember my dad going to Rumbalows (yep that was the store before Bejams!) to buy a fridge and they would only offer him discount for credit, not cash..he could not believe it....I remember his despair 😞 our world is now on all credit

How did you manage to pay off £30k debt in one year ?

Assume have a highly paid job as that's years wages for many

Apart from my mortgage, no debt. Not now not ever.

I think many people that have debt keep it to themselves so maybe not too many confessions here.
I'm the same as you and I lose sleep over it and wake up panicking.
We need two cars, one still has finance on it. It's quite old now and constantly in the garage. My husband has debt and because I worry so badly, he won't tell me about it. We moved away and I couldn't get a job in my field (very niche) We have 2 small children and so I took an almost minimum wage job that works around them. Mortgage has increased significantly and I don't know how we are going to manage Christmas this year. Same as you with husband, he is spend spend spend and worry about it after. I hate it.

Reading these responses thinking exactly the same thing

OP as others have said these threads are never an accurate reflection of the numbers of people who do have significant debt. There is so much shame around debt that people are afraid to admit it for fear of judgement and facing up to it themselves.

i was in £25k worth of debt and it drove me to the brink and I still don’t really know how I got there. I’ve never really understood or been able to manage money, even though I earn well. I also have ADHD which in my case never helped matters. I’d buy things and have a huge amount of shame about buying them and never even use them. I’m not blaming anyone else for this but debt is complex and until we stop making people feel ashamed about it I don’t think we’ll get to the bottom of why it happens.

i’ve managed to get on top of it now but it took years and so much wasted money.

I have some debt and don't mind talking about it. I have 110k left on the mortgage (joint), and 14k in car loan and credit card. My credit card is 0% and I pay over the minimum (but not the full balance) every month. I have the money in savings to cover it if needed. Most importantly, I'm not spending on the card. I have a buffer for things like car repairs and vets bills. My savings are generating interest.

At the end of the 0%period I'll make a decision to pay off or switch the balance to a new card. I've always carried a bit of CC debt, but always manageable. My car loan has just short of 2 years to run. After that I am looking at leasing an EV from the work scheme. Do people count a lease as a debt or a bill??

I've paid off my student loan this year, that was a good feeling.

Very much agree that those in debt don't want to talk about it!

I have a mortgage and credit cards, but I pay the full balance every month and have enough in easy access savings to clear them if anything went wrong and I didn't get paid.

That being said, I grew up with 'live for the moment' parents and it's done some serious damage to them and my siblings. DM is very ill and unlikely to make it to a pensionable age, but has absolutely nothing in the pot - in fact I have had to create a funeral saving pot (the least fun kind of savings 🫠) because I know that, should the worst happen, she'll have less than £100 in her account, nothing to sell, and no one else in the family will be able to chip in because they're all up to their eyeballs in debt. I know this because I've sat down a million times to help bail them out/make a budget/plan for the future and every time they've gone off track within a day. The mindset is lethal. And very common in my family, and the circles I grew up in!

I have none at the moment as I really have no need but I have had in the past. There's useful and necessary debt that you can afford which is fine and then there's unnecessary debt that you can't afford. The trick is to make sure you can afford it and have a plan for paying it back. For example our mortgage was a huge debt but we had a plan for paying it back and now it's done.

My dm is not good with money and wouldn't let me get student loans at uni becuase she was afraid of debt. That would've been manageable debt for me. So instead, when I couldn't afford to live I turned to credit cards and overdraft with no means to pay it back. That was bad debt in comparison. Luckily I got a secure job and made a plan with my bank but it meant I couldn't travel and struggled to rent / buy a car etc. The first half of my 20's were a miserable slog.

I've never used my overdraft since to be honest. I did get a car loan once but it was extortionate and once I'd paid for the car it blew up as the mileage was high so would avoid that again. Over the years I've used 0% credit cards to spread larger purchases where I didn't have savings. Now the mortgage is paid off we are fortunate to be able to save lots so have no need.

People have different money personalities, usually shaped by your upbring, but not always.

My DB/SIL have a moderate mortgage, no other debt, but not much pension. They're obsessed with lifestyle & SIL told me, after they spent everything (I've just discovered this included their kids' investments) then borrowed more, on a gap year to travel the country, 'something will come up, it always does'. It did, but retirement is looking grim.

Whereas we're debt adverse savers. House paid off, no other debt, healthy pensions. Will retire earlier.

They've had a much more fabulous & carefree life than us, and I envy that, but now reaching out 50's I'm relieved to be in our position! Ironically they give out the impression they're doing brilliantly financially & people assume we're poor!

I have about £9k in credit card debt that started when I bought appliances for my house, then added to when dh was job hunting, plus some wedding costs. I move it around on 0% cards so never pay interest, and paid a lot off this year (until
now as I am saving for mat leave).

I would love it gone (and wouldn’t recommend it to anyone) but it doesn’t stress me out too much l, and it dug me out of a hole at the time. Min payments are under £100pm and I know we’ll pay it off in the next couple of years. Also have about £20k student loans I barely think about, £120k in the mortgage and an excellent credit rating thanks to the debt!

35k loans and credit cards. Paying off.

I don't belive in a champagne lifestyle on beer money op and we have no debt in our early/mid 60s and are looking forward to cracking pensions. But I think our mothers bring life into sharp focus. They are both 88.

My mother grew up privileged, has travelled the world and had a great time. She has cracked through a significant inheritance and will probably leave me about £750k. She has partied, had clothes, had a social life and three husbands I remember the light in the South of France from my childhood.

MIL was very poor growing up. Although she and FIL had good jobs, every penny was pinched. DH remembers being hungry as a child. They had miserable holidays, sale clothes and lived on nothing. They didn't socialise or go out to dinner or the theatre or generally "live" let alone enjoy themselves. DH remembers sharing a cornet with his sisters, having a lick each. When FIL died, they found more than a million in the bank.

Which mother do you think has good memories and which one do you think is miserable and full of regret about what she might have been, if only she'd been more privileged.

I'm not suggesting you borrow money to have fun OP, but I think there's a middle way and life must be lived to be enjoyed.

DH and I are both quite debt averse, so we don't have any debt. I paid off my (small) student loan years ago, basically as soon as I was able. We then overpaid on the mortgage to clear it as soon as we could. Never had credit cards etc.

I think mortgage debt is pretty normal for most people and student loans for those under a certain age. I reckon having a credit card that you pay off each month is also pretty common, but building up bigger debts without a very clear strategy for how you're going to pay them back is not wise.

Yes, I've got debt. Loan / credit cards. I could justify why but can't really be bothered - it's not ideal but it is what it is. People get very smug about having no debt, saving, working hard etc but not everyone has those choices to make.

All the people mentioning that people with a lot of debt outstanding won't reply are proving the OPs point that being in high levels of debt is a really uncomfortable place to be. It might well be her DH's normal but that doesn't make it something to aspire to.

I have always been quite disciplined about money and keeping regular outgoings low. When I bought a ticket to a ball at university my "fritterer" flatmate said "you don't know what its like to be broke" - erm, I do, it is crap, hence I avoid it! I do think some of us find debt really stressful and others can live with it more easily but I don't think anyone ever regrets having good financial discipline.

We had a mortgage and a bank loan for a car when we were young but nothing now . If we want something, we have it if we can afford it.
I would not go into debt ever again, simply because it's a mugs game paying the interest .

@Blondeshavemorefun nope complete opposite actually - I was practically on minimum wage as a teaching assistant.
I actually trained to be a teacher because it came with a very generous bursary. Lived off my student loan and used the bursary to pay off debts. It was a hard year and I wouldn't recommend it. I'm still teaching now, average wage (£34k), still renting, so not rich in the slightest, but I feel rich now I have a good budget and savings in the bank.

For us our debt level and comfort with it has varied through our lives.

Just starting out with a mortgage to pay and low incomes being short at the end of the month felt frightening.

In our middle years with a good income larger debt felt manageable.

Now we are late 50s we are focused on getting our mortgage paid off and pensions topped up.

No very strong financial examples from our parents either way. DH's parents lived more for the moment than my parents. But this wasn't to a great extreme.

DH's parents would spend a windfall bonus on a holiday. My parents were less likely to have a bonus (cautious public sector jobs) and if they did have a windfall it would be tucked away in a safe bank account.

Ultimately it made no great difference. Whatever they have accrued in life went or is likely to go on care home fees.

I have a mortgage and no other debts and some savings.

But, I have a long term health condition that has always meant I can only work part-time so I don't have a decent pension provision and if I needed to do extensive repairs on the house I would need a loan.

I am careful with money but try not to let it rule my life.

I had a big health scare last year and it reminded me that life is short and you also need to try to enjoy each day as well.

I think there's a middle way and life must be lived to be enjoyed.

Agreed. PP has mentioned Dave Ramsey and he gives this good advice:

• have an emergency fund of £1,000
• then pay off all your debts asap (other than mortgage)
• then save 3-6 months of living expenses in a high interest easy access savings account
• then pay 15% of your household income into pensions

Once you've got the above in place you can either continue to follow his Baby Steps or you can splash out on holidays, eating out etc - just don't get into debt doing so.

Have recently taken on a lump sum of debt for a purchase.

Purchase was strategic though. I'll be able to write off some of it via my tax return.

Apart from our mortgage we have less than £5,000 in debt. All of it on 0%.

Could pay it all off now if we had to but we'd rather keep the money in savings and follow the repayment plans which should see the debt paid off in around 2 years.

Debt scares me. This amount is high. I take comfort in the fact that due to savings (which your in-laws don't have) I could pay it off in an emergency.

I have £200 on a credit card. About £500 on an overdraft and maybe another £500 on accounts like Very/Argos etc. Not a lot really

In my view it is not ok to have debt (other than a mortgage or student loan). Debt means interest and interest means throwing money in the fire. The moment you have to pay interest you have less money left from your salary, so you may need to borrow more, which leads to paying more interest. It’s a vicious cycle. The stress of having debt and wasting money on interest counteracts any benefit I would get from enjoying life at the cost of borrowing.
If I had debt I would live as frugally as I can (I grew up in poverty so I know one can live on just potatoes and soup) until I paid it off and I was able to save at least £20 per month. Clothes from charity shops are often better quality and more interesting than those bought in shops. Etc