Inheritance/unreliable husband

[PrincessLeia21]

I have a question- here’s the background.
Im an only child. My mother died recently and my dad has had some health issues and wants to sort out his will.
i would be the sole beneficiary of a property and contents valued at about £800k conservatively.
my husband cheated a year or so ago. We have stayed together but I am not convinced we will long term.
rhe thought of me inheriting this property and having to give half to him is not appealing.
we have consulted a lawyer who suggested a trust but once I’ve inherited, in order to sell the property for my benefit, the trust will have to be dissolved- and the proceeds would once again be considered marital assets in the case of divorce.
has anyone else experienced this? Any ideas to get round it? Or will I have to divorce now in order to protect myself?

@Skate76 its actually quite complex and depends on a lot of factors such as whether the money has been used ‘for the family’, how long you’ve had the inheritance for, length of marriage etc etc….

If the reason for that was she'd cheated and the relationship was fucked as a result?
Really?

Mners are generally spectacularly harsh on cheaters. I can confidently say that she wouldn't be getting much in the way of support on that one!

This is a very good point. You go under a bus, kids never see the money.

This is easy to sort - my mother’s will states that if either my sister or I pre-decease her then our shares are passed to our respective children.

Second this.
As someone who divorced a cheater and had an inheritance just before ( he got half) divorce him now.
Just file it online tomorrow and get it started. It could take several months if not longer if decides to ignore all the correspondence.

Only if your mother hasn't died. But actually that is quite easy to sort too, I remember now that when I was going through the divorce I changed my will so everything was left to my kids, ie my half of the house and my inheritance.

Could you leave the trust intact and rent out the house, use the income from that?

then if you stay married the trust passes on to whoever your will states.

Spoke to my Dad and he knows the situation with husband and is very upset at the idea of us divorcing even if we stay together. I have been frank with him but he is really not keen.
part of the reason we didn’t divorce last year is that my parents were very upset at the idea and begged me to give him another chance. As my mother was dying at the time, I agreed.

OP- your happiness is worth more than £800 grand. Just divorce him

It is worth more than 400,000 also!

Which is what could happen.
Your marriage is your marriage, not your elderly parents marriage.

So you didn't stay married purely out of love and determination to make the relationship work for you and your husband.

When are you going to put your happiness and financial security first? Don't be with someone who you don't fully trust and aren't fully happy with. As much as you love your DF and want him not to be upset, surely he'd be more upset at the thought of his daughter staying in an unhappy marriage for his sake?

Please don't stay in a marriage because you don't want to upset your parents. Can you access any counselling or therapy? I understand the wish not to upset your mother while she was dying, but I think it would really help you to talk things through.

Yes I do have a great therapist who I started seeing a month ago.

That's good to hear, there is a lot to process.

I’m not really sure how you think things will work.

You didn’t want to get divorced when your mum was dying - fair enough tbh. I’d have done the same thing
A year in you’re still together but you dont trust him and feel you need to protect your (potential) increase in wealth. You certainly don’t want to share that with him.
My first question would be: why staying with him if you dint trust him?

Then you think you could get divorced but stay together to protect that inheritance.
My second question is: what makes you think your dh would be happy with that? It would be telling him you absolutely do not trust him but he is good enough for now, good enough for what? A shag? Better living standards (until you get the inheritance)?
If I was at your dh place, there is no way I could accept such an arrangement tbh.

And that is because you dint want to upset your dad who is against divorce. Or is it because being alone is scary (could be due eg to financial issue - not everyone can just leave)?
I think you’re avoiding the issue staring at you - the fact your dh cheated. That things have changed. And that he isn’t the person to live your life with anymore.

Are you worried your dad will disinherit you if you divorce?

He cheated on you, bottom line, get divorced. My friend is divorcing, also an unfaithful DH and her widowed Mum is being weird about it. In a sort of oh the shame of it way, what if the neighbours find out.

Don't stay together for your dad. His generation definitely feel that being in any marriage is better than being single. My dad was similar and was surprised when I started divorce proceedings with my xh. My mum was not at all surprised and had recognised the issues for years.

Don't let anyone else decide whether you stay married or not ... whether it's a family member or MN! Only you know what is right for you and when it is right.

Yes. If you’ve been married a fair time, then trying to hide things is a bit shabby,