My sons 3rd birthday

[Lou9620]

Hiya
i dont know what to do, it’s my sons 3rd birthday tommorrow I can’t afford anything for it he’s only asked for a Spider-Man birthday cake but I have 42p in my account not even enough to buy the ingredients let alone buy one.

bit of back story his dad left me 2 weeks ago out of the blue. I had to give up my job as I then didn’t have childcare to continue as I have no family around me. I’m paying a bailiff of weekly every Friday and I can’t afford to pay them either tommorrow as I was already living pay check to pay check

I just don’t know anymore I feel like such a failure

I’m going to give this a try thank you x

Housing assosciation

The most important thing you can do is give him your full love and attention tomorrow. Can you make up some spiderman related reason to postpone the cake like he was busy helping someone and couldnt make it... 2/3 year old have a great imagination:)

Definitely do the dancing and drawing Spicerman, make it like a competition- the best Spider-Man drawing and praise him for his fantastic drawing etc.

I hope you can find some help from the links posted. Also hope your situation improves soon.

Hey OP, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Can you handmake him a card? What about taking him to the library and letting him pick out some books?

Have you considered taking in ironing?

Can you make any form of sweet treat and make a paper candle?

Kids just like to blow out some fire and have Nything they don't have everyday. It could even be a savoury disb or a microwave cake.

Trip to the food bank tomorrow sounds like a good idea! Explain and see if they can find a cake, biscuits something.

Have you got a local book swap (we have several nearby that are always full of free kids books) he could choose one as a gift?

Do you have paper and pens? Could you draw a spiderman cake?

I'd also recommend posting on a local Facebook group. I'm sure many people would offer a cake and some old toys. If you were one of my neighbours I would definitely be happy to give something.

You could cut out paper spiders and put them on the microwave cake. It cN be his special treat in a mug.

Some are very simple if you have ingredients. You could also make a chocolate crispy instead?

Can you reach out to the nursery?. They may be up for giving you the ingredients to make a cake? Or even making the cake for you and you could pop in and collect it after the park? They may also be happy to give you balloons/loan you some arts and crafts things that you could use tomorrow?

I would do his favourite silly games all day. Go to get park and touch all the green things/find a flower of every colour in gen rainbow. Get him to act out being spiderman and do posss etc.

Then arts and crafts later drawing Spider-Man. Then go for a walk or do you any free local attraction? Farms/museums etc?

Start the day with breakfast in bed for him.
Find out if there are any church coffee mornings or something like that you can take him to next. They'll have loads of cake and biscuits you can sit and eat. Make a paper birthday hat or something and let it know its his birthday. He'll have loads of people at the coffee morning coming to your table to wish him happy birthday.
Then take him to the playground (check weather, I hope it's good) message a group chat at his nursery if there is one and see if any of his friends can also come.

Oh and the library as well! Get him his own library ticket and take out a big stack of books for him. They often have craft clubs or other such stuff on you could join for free as well.

Buy a large cheap bar of asdas own chocolate for 29p mix with his favourite cereal (cornflakes, rice crispies) im sure he will have a lovely day op

Try the olio app, everything is free they have food stuff and non food items, Freegle is also very good, got to be worth a try.

When we were stretched financially I was buying Birthdays and Christmas gifts for our child with Tesco or Sainsburys Nectar points. If one of these 2 is the closest supermarket to you I would recommend signing up. Freecycle is great for toys,clothing , household stuff etc. and you can request things you are looking for (you have to be able to pick them up). Have a look on Moneysaving expert for the best surveys website (made a difference for us!) , it can be a bit boring but if you manage a few surveys daily it can add up. I am hoping that with some ingenuity on your part your son will have a good Birthday...keep strong! Sending you hugs!💪🤗

https://olioapp.com/en/

Have you got old toys/clothes/household items to sell on ebay/vinted?

Make sure you're claiming everything you're entitled to:

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/how-to-apply. Claim cms from the father

https://www.trussell.org.uk/

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/

https://capuk.org/ CAP gives debt advice

https://www.home-start.org.uk/ homestart volunteers can help with practical things or providing a safe space to rant over a cuppa

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/
Gingerbread is the organisation for lone parents who can advise on money, legal etc

As your son will be 3, he'll qualify for free nursery spaces and this will help give you both a break. You could get a temporary retail job to help with Christmas, lots of shops are advertising now. Or a remote admin job wfh you could do on his nursery days. Start putting plans in place to help you get into a better financial position by his next birthday.

Some banks pay you around £100 to switch to their current account from your old one

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/compare-best-bank-accounts/

What is the bailiff for? Have you had any advice on your debts? This is something you should look at with your change of circumstances. There are several things you can do to make the best of your situation.

Have you applied for/updated your UC claim?
Can you put childcare in place so you can work? If you're on a low income, you should get a lot of help with the cost.
Have you applied for child maintenance?
Plus seeking advice on whether there is anything you can do about the debt. If the debt is unsecured and you have no assets, you shouldn't be going without essentials, which includes a birthday cake for your child, to pay them.

The bailiff should not be collecting any money from you in these circumstances. Ask to speak to the their vulnerability team, get the case put in hold. Or go straight to StepChange, they can ask for a breathing space too if you haven’t had one this year, to give you time to get proper debt advice. It will take effect very quickly. You should not be going without essentials in order to pay debts, and no bailiff should accept money from you in those circumstances.

It's a shame you gave up your job immediately.

Most people would've used annual leave or even gone off sick with the stress of it all.

That might've bought you more time while you tried to work things out.

The Nursery have sung to him, but you gave up your job as didn't have childcare .
His Dad left suddenly 2 weeks ago, but you were moved 80 miles away last year to flee domestic violence?

Some of this doesn't seem to make sense.

Hope he has a nice birthday Today

Without sounding harsh you have known It's his birthday for weeks

Surprised you didn't buy any presents before 2w ago /when partner left and all went wrong

I'm not local to you but maybe try posting on your local Fb group and maybe someone can drop some toys /books /cake to you

Hope you have a nice day

Do you have a supermarket near you that you can walk to? I’d order one for you if they’ll let you collect it with just a ref number?

I understand where you are comming from but it’s a job when I was working independently but there needs to be someone there at all times it wouldn’t of been fair to my employer as I’m a subcontractor

My job was on the evening 4-9 my sons nursery hours are 9am till 12am 15 hours funded Monday to Friday, I was moved 80 miles away to another area due to domestic violence this is correct but not with my sons father