So fed up being poor and feeling lesser than

[leftorrightnow]

Just that really. I know we aren’t technically poor, I make 70k a month, but my partner is in a really unstable industry and has been unemployed for a year. We live in a rental flat, 2 bedroom, and kids are sharing a room (10 and 8). Our kitchen is tiny. Been wanting to buy for ages and was just about to look for a mortgage when DH got unemployed. He’s been trying to get a job for ages and recently picked up a three month gig but in his industry nothing is ever stable. He’s trying to move into a related industry but no luck so far. I just feel so resentful of him for not contributing more and having chosen such an insecure industry and not being able to get out of it. I know he’s doing his best but at the same time I feel he has a really defeatist mindset.
I work so hard all the time and yet here I am at 43, living hand to mouth in a rental. Today DS has a much better off friend over and he walked into our kitchen and said “mini kitchen! One of my bathrooms is bigger than your kitchen!” And it just made me feel so crap.
Dont know where I’m going with all this, just wanted to vent and if anyone has any advice.

I think you made a mistake saying you earn 70k a month and you're fed up of being poor? Or you should be posting on a multimillionaire forum 😃.

You make almost a million pounds a year! What on earth are you doing with your money?

Sorry that was conversion error! Live in Europe - I make around 3,800 GBP after tax per month

Depends where about you live in Europe, no better here either.

I think you need to sit down and itemise everything you're spending on.

By 46, I was mortgage free and my DC had left home. Eldest, aged 25, bought a house last year. Youngest still in uni. I'm 53 for context. Divorced when the DC were tiny, single ever since.

My income was a fraction of yours.

What are you doing wrong? Designer clothes, holidays, meals out?? Where is your money going?

By the way, I live in the south east before you say that I must live in a cheap area.

No I mean my currency conversion was wrong from the European currency

Like I said, my currency conversion was wrong. we don’t spend on a lot.

Where in Europe do you live? I think people on here will need more context to be able to give advice. 🥰

Where do you live?
£3.8k per month net is a salary of circa £65k which is well over the average household income in the UK.
I am assuming you live somewhere expensive

In a Scandinavian country in the capital. We have to live here as my job is smack ban in the centre of the city. Commuting isn’t great here, so if we moved further out id never be able to pick up the kids and so DH wouldn’t be able to work as he need long hours when he does work. Also, they’re in a fantastic school, an international school which is FREE (the only one in the country and it’s very sought after and lucky kids got a spot) and schools here can sadly be quite patchy so if we moved out they’d also have to change school. But that’s one thing have been considering. But feel then like I’d never see my kids as would be home so late.

Do you live in Ireland? Or not as I just seen.

yes we live in an expensive capital

London prices really

When your children were small, you could do a full shop for £40, and charity shop clothes were still 50p. It’s really not comparable

Scandinavia. Moved here 5 years ago was in London before.

My income was a fraction of yours.

So was the cost of living! What a pointless comment.

I’ve just been staying in a 3 million pound plus house and the owners seemed miserable. Love your life. Try not to compare. Easier said than done I know but I decided in the future I am going to try and see problems as opportunities and be thankful for my body and the air I breathe. In the scheme of the world you are not poor.

Just to give a bit of perspective, my kids are the well off kids who probably might make a hapless comment like that (I hope I have taught them not to however!). But I grew up in relative poverty and felt ‘less than’ like you do, when I went to wealthy friends homes. You’d think I’d be delighted that my kids don’t experience the same - but tbh I find it hard to have ‘more than’ - I don’t feel I deserve any more than you or anyone else, and my kids don’t. I feel awkward when their friends visit and say ‘wow you are so lucky’ to them, and while I try to remind my kids about what different families experiences are, I don’t think they can really get it. Im worrying about hosting a party at home with classmates who might feel ‘less than’ simply by coming to our house. I know first world problems, I’m so lucky we are comfortable and maybe you will think I am very insensitive to post this - but I’m trying to say that the grass is not always greener. We all need to compare ourselves to others less.

All that said - hand to mouth is just harder and I hope it’s not always like this for you.

Move out of the capital. I live I the UK but could never have afforded to live the way I have in London on my teachers salary. I was skint for thr fist 10 years of work, first paying off debt accrued at Uni and then buying a house and renovating it. I have friends my age who are in your situation but they spent their 20's travelling and trying to 'find themselves'. I chose to slog it out I am by no means rich. Earn just under 50k but am comfortable because I live in a poorer part of the country.

Your DH needs to take any job, even working in a coffee shop or retail. What is his work? Can he retrain? Also get nicer friends! That one sounds an absolute shit.

Yeah ridiculous - there are people in this country that are actually 'poor'!

There isn't any point comparing things to how it was in the past. I'm 37 and when I'm 46 I'll still have 20+ years left on my ridiculous mortgage, I don't know many people these days who will be mortgage free at 46, especially in the south east, without some kind of inheritance. Unfortunately it is not like that anymore for the majority of people.

The issue is not that you have no money.

it’s that your DH is a feckless waster and so rightly you feel resentful that the burden of everything rests on you.

You’re left paying for everything and also apparently doing school pick up? Wtf?

after a year out of work your DH needs get any job going so he can contribute, the current situation is unsustainable

This thread will not help you because you made a typo. That is all anyone will read. Worth deleting and starting again.

@OldTinHat keen to share any tips for mortgage free at a fairly young age? Overpaying mine and considering upping the overpayments