So fed up being poor and feeling lesser than

[leftorrightnow]

Just that really. I know we aren’t technically poor, I make 70k a month, but my partner is in a really unstable industry and has been unemployed for a year. We live in a rental flat, 2 bedroom, and kids are sharing a room (10 and 8). Our kitchen is tiny. Been wanting to buy for ages and was just about to look for a mortgage when DH got unemployed. He’s been trying to get a job for ages and recently picked up a three month gig but in his industry nothing is ever stable. He’s trying to move into a related industry but no luck so far. I just feel so resentful of him for not contributing more and having chosen such an insecure industry and not being able to get out of it. I know he’s doing his best but at the same time I feel he has a really defeatist mindset.
I work so hard all the time and yet here I am at 43, living hand to mouth in a rental. Today DS has a much better off friend over and he walked into our kitchen and said “mini kitchen! One of my bathrooms is bigger than your kitchen!” And it just made me feel so crap.
Dont know where I’m going with all this, just wanted to vent and if anyone has any advice.

By the sounds of it, your DH needs to bring in a regular, sustainable income.
Which sector is he in? Does he have transferable skills if he needs to diversify?

Well, he has just got a job which pays well but is only for three months, he is in an industry which used to be stable pre covid but now is no more. He is trying to get out of it. At the moment he has work, but just for the next three months, he is looking for another gig after of course. I need to do pick ups only when he is working of course. But if we create a situation where I cannot pick up due to a long commute, then he will find it much harder to get any work, catch 22 really on that front. When he was out of work he did all drop offs and pick ups and all cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping etc.

thanks for the perspective, I know and I try to remind myself of that.

The issue is your husband and it seems like you know it.

He is restricting you all from having better living standards.
What is his plan?

Periodic gigs are no use at all when you have a partner who is under pressure and DC to support.

he needs a reliable income. Bar work, retail, warehousing whatever it takes to make sure he’s contributing. OR you as a family accept he is not going to work and you move further out for cheaper rent and he does all of the school drop offs

thanks for the perspective, if you feel that way, nothing stops you though from donating your wealth to the Red Cross or similar and move to a smaller home and experience the joys of not being the wealthy one to stand out. Sorry, jokes aside, don't feel offended though, good for you that you made it and can provide for your kids what you didn't have, Sounds like you have some guilt about having made it, I understand that feeling, and recommend you work on that and be grateful for all you have, maybe spend some time volunteering in some way to give something back if you feel like it. Trust me, us with smaller homes are feeling more nervous about hosting kids parties in our 'mini kitchens' and kids shared bedrooms, than you may do with your grand home.

Sorry for the drip feed...we are in a country where unemployment support (private unemployment insurance base don previous income level) is higher than what you'd make in retail or bar work etc. So no point in that, unless we see long term he will never work steadily in his industry again. So far it has only been a year and now he is working again so it is too early to give up.

to move into a related industry, he is learning that skill and trying to break into it. But I also think if it doesn't happen soon,we just have to cut our losses and move further out, even if kids loose their good school then.

It’s obviously not feasible for him to continue working in the industry he is in if he’s been unemployed for a year. What would he do if he was single? Get a different job I assume?

I know but now it's kind of going so will just leave it

as explained he has private unemployment insurance which pays slightly over what a retail job would do

Ah, Ok sorry - I missed that before posting

no worries - it is only for two years though, so it sort of gives you a window to get back on your feet and then if he is not sorted by then, he will have to make some tough decisions and give up his industry for something else. So the clock is ticking and I think that is only a good thing. He knows.

Yay but that depends HUGELY on where you live.
eg with the income dh and I have, we are now mortgage free blablabla.
If I had been living where my parents are in Europe, I’d be nowhere near that.

Yes attitude towards money can be a factor but not just that

@leftorrightnow how is the job market where you are?
Aka can your DH starts a lower paid job (McDo, stacking shelf whatever) in between his contract in his original industry?

I mean there are times when not working is a solution (for want of a better word). One is ill and unable to work, childcare cost prohibitive so that parent is taking the SAHP role.
But not working fir so long isn’t a medium or long term solution to ‘there are no jobs in my imdustry’

His unemployment support pays more than McDonald’s jobs

Sorry @leftorrightnow i missed your post about his insurance.

I can see it makes sense for him to continue with his insurance..
What might not make sense is to continue looking for a job in the area he is working.

Is he taking on the whole parenting/housework at least?
What is he doing re finding a new industry!

It sounds as though you are making ends meet, and it is a feeling from inside you that comes from comparing your circumstances with others, that makes you feel "less than." I would work on that, even if you need counseling. Having a lower income than someone else does not make you "less than" at all. And undoubtedly you are much better off than many, many others, but you don't see them everyday or at all. Being content with what you have would change your life for the better, if you can do it, and it is very freeing. Comparing almost always leads to dissatisfaction.

Yes when not working he takes on all housework/parenting stuff. Cooking too.
he is trying to learn a new skill that’s related to his existing one. We live in my home country now and he doesn’t speak the language which makes it harder. He is also trying to learn the language but getting to fluency in this language isn’t easy especially when you speak English and everyone just switch into English here. But not speaking the lanague is still an employment barrier, paradoxically

Yes we are making ends meet. Can even go on holidays. Have new clothes and a car (albeit an old one). It’s just we’re surrounded by affluent people.

A million pounds?? 100k is not 1 million...!!!
1,000,000
Vs
100,000 is very different!!

OP originally said she earned 70k a month. Not unreasonably I assumed pounds sterling. £70,000 x 12 = £840000. In other words the guts of a million.