Paying for summer holiday

[Tightfishedtwat]

WWYD. Live with DP. Not married. Have 2 DC 8 & 10. Both work full time. Salary is similar. Mortgage paid off but DP then bought a house in his own name. Mainly because I own 96% of our house and he had nothing so he wanted a foot on his own property ladder.

I save. He does a little bit but has a mortgage and second house to pay for. We have our own money and pay equally into a joint account for bills and all spends go on a credit card we pay off equally every month.

So the subject of a summer holiday comes up. Due to work commitments we haven't been abroad for a summer holiday for many years. I find a holiday. All inclusive for 7 days good reviews and has everything we want. He has now decided it's too much and he cannot afford it. As it is £2k of it is being paid off by my mother who gave us some money so we only have to pay the rest off between us. We are talking about £1k the xtra each.

I could look for cheeper but it won't be as nice and won't have everything we want. Would you pay extra so you and the kids get a nice holiday or refuse and either don't go or go cheeper?

So it’s £4K and your mum has effectively paid for your kids, so £1Kpp you and your DP? Sounds fair, if so.

But if he can’t afford it or doesn’t value paying for it, you can’t make him. So your choice is to pay extra yourself (what amount will he contribute?) or go on your win with the kids. If your mum has paid towards it I suspect she’d be annoyed if you didn’t take the kids away…?

If you can I would pay the extra, you will look forward to it then and not worried. If you get there too and there isn’t restaurants near by or entertainment for the kids etc you might end up spending extra trying to find it out there. Or if money is too tight now, book it for next year so you are still going but better for your partner financially?

That sounds like a bargain.
Ask him what he is expecting to pay.
However if you find say a self catering holiday which would cost £800 is it really a saving?
To be fair Id pay the extra fir him but I’d then be mindful that I don’t end up paying other things for him.

Mum just said she wants me to spend the money and not save it. I just wondered whether people would pay extra just to go on the holiday I've seen (I can afford it) or reduce the holiday to something cheeper.

I have spend hours looking at holidays and I did tell him what the ball park would be and he seemed ok even up until last night then this morning he changed his mind. It's really disappointing.

Functional. We both work shifts so tag team mostly and don't spend time just us. I often feel like I have a third child and he doesn't pull his weight at home either.

So you earn similar amounts but he has a mortgage to pay and you don't? Surely that means your financial situations are very different despite being in a long-term relationship with kids. I'd pay it personally.

Why don't you ask him what he can contribute, and top up the extra?

Can just you and the kids go for 3k? I would not be going cheaper, using the money given by your mum, to fund him, sorry. He wanted is own independent property, which if he's in a committed relationship seems undeserving to individually have his foot in the property door, and obviously you have very different finances. I would not be going cheaper, and paying effectively for him. To save 1k is really not much. Would he be willing to pay you up each week if you paid initially?

Get him to pay £500 you pay the balance. Have a good holiday. Rethink when you get home.

I think I'll ask him what he thinks he wants to pay and go from there. Thanks for your input everyone.

I think there's good days and bad days. We both were bought up in different ways so he doesn't see the point in some stuff that I see as standard in life. Like he never celebrated his birthday, never went on holiday until he was an adult. I still struggle with him understanding these are kind of normal things in life.

FWIW I'd pay to have him join you if and only if you think it will be more fun to have him along.

Otherwise, I'd think long and hard about where I was going in life.

Are they joint DCs?
If not it's pretty simple, go without him.

If joint, then not so sure what to do. Can you price up the holiday without him? It may work out that actually it's more or less the same cost for 3 as it is for 4, maybe make him pay the difference only.

But isn't his house rented out so the mortgage should cover the rent?

How are you for money? Should he have spare money but he spends it on himself, or are things tight? But it doesn't sound like it should be as you say you put money in savings. Is it that he doesn't have the money or just that he doesn't want to spend some of his money on the holiday?

I think you and DC should have the holiday you have chosen with or or without him. Even if you went somewhere cheaper it might not cost him a huge amount less because your DM is paying a lot of the cost. Eg if you downgraded to a £3000 holiday it would still cost him £500 for his contribution.

Yes I agree with this.

Go without him. Presumably this 2nd house is being rented out so majority of his mortgage is covered anyway??

I'd personally just pay it as you can afford it, go on the holiday and all enjoy yourselves 😀

Second house is being lived in by a relative for free.

His or yours? What's the backstory?

No backstory. It was used as a second base so was empty some of the time and now a relative has moved in for free because they could no longer afford rent of their home.

I'd go on holiday on my own with the kids or invite my Mum to come if he changed his mind at the last minute. He's not prioritising you and the DC.