Paying for summer holiday

[Tightfishedtwat]

WWYD. Live with DP. Not married. Have 2 DC 8 & 10. Both work full time. Salary is similar. Mortgage paid off but DP then bought a house in his own name. Mainly because I own 96% of our house and he had nothing so he wanted a foot on his own property ladder.

I save. He does a little bit but has a mortgage and second house to pay for. We have our own money and pay equally into a joint account for bills and all spends go on a credit card we pay off equally every month.

So the subject of a summer holiday comes up. Due to work commitments we haven't been abroad for a summer holiday for many years. I find a holiday. All inclusive for 7 days good reviews and has everything we want. He has now decided it's too much and he cannot afford it. As it is £2k of it is being paid off by my mother who gave us some money so we only have to pay the rest off between us. We are talking about £1k the xtra each.

I could look for cheeper but it won't be as nice and won't have everything we want. Would you pay extra so you and the kids get a nice holiday or refuse and either don't go or go cheeper?

Pay the extra and take your mum. No way would I be subsidizing him if you're on equal salaries, it's a slippery slope from there.

That's his problem not yours. Sounds like he's piss-poor at managing money. You shouldn't have ro compensate for that..

Did he pay anything towards your mortgage that's been paid off? Or did you pay that yourself?

So he's effectively giving a relative hundreds of pounds a month (the value of the free housing) but he won't give you £1k as a one off towards a family holiday?

Sounds like you’re not aligned on quite a bit…paying mortgages for relatives to live for free, dividing household labour, taking children on annual family holidays, celebrating birthdays…

I owned the home before I met him. Once we settled down we transferred the remainder mortgage to joint names but as tenants in common in my favour. All official and above bored. We then paid the mortgage off early. So he owns 7% I think and I own the rest. If we split I'd just buy him out in cash so no issues there.

Sorry, but why is a relative living in DPs house for free. I get it’s a relative who was struggling to pay their rent, but surely they can afford to pay something?

It sounds like you are both fairly high earners (young children, no mortgage, second home he can afford to fund on his salary alone) so I’d just pay for the holiday you want.

All the other stuff does make it sound like your relationship is not great though so maybe you are pissed off about a lot more than who pays for the holiday!

The obvious thing that stands out here is that some relative lives for free and your partner can’t afford things. So they couldn’t afford their old rent, they must be now back on their feet as haven’t paid any rent so now they need to. It can be below market rate but it has to be something and he pays you back monthly from these earnings or you say to him to put some aside monthly so that next year you all get a holiday. The person who lives rent free is taking the mickey!

Can you take the kids yourself and leave him at home?

Also agree with this. It’s annoying he changed his mind but if i could afford it, and wanted to go on holiday (and it sounds like you are the instigator and are more keen to go) I’d pay it, or pay more so he contributes less. It’s not like this happens every year.

Does he actually want to go or is he just saying yes to a holiday because he knows you want to go? If he didn't grow up going on holiday or see it as a normal part of life he might not be too bothered about going or not and then he won't see a point in spending any money on it at all. I am one of those people who in later years (only mid-40s) have stopped wanting to go on holidays, especially beach holidays but could do a city break, so for me this type of holiday would always seem too expensive because I don't even really want to go.

My partner dies not enjoy holidays and sees it as a waste of money. I just go by myself. Suits us both.

Definitely go you and the DC and take your mum or a friend. Why should you miss out because he doesn't collect any rent from his house!? That's weird, makes no financial sense and it isn't fair on the rest of you. Go and get some sunshine and enjoy!

Yeah this. He's paying for a relative to live for free but can't afford to go on your family holiday? Assuming the rent would be minimum £500 (there's not much you can rent for less than that these days) then two months rent / him not paying the mortgage would pay for his "half" of the holiday.

When me and DP got together we both owned houses and money was tight for a while with having two mortgages, two lots of bills etc (no different to being single I suppose). I was the higher earner and in a better position financially (smaller mortgage plus inheritance) so I paid for holidays initially as I wanted to go away and knew DP couldn't afford it.

In the last couple of years we have sold one house and DP has had a promotion and is now the higher earner of the two of us so we're in a far better position financially and everything just comes out of a joint pot but I never thought twice about paying extra at the time because I knew it would all balance out eventually.

If you've been together for 10+ years, have 2 DC and are debating whether you should pay his "half" towards a holiday then I feel there might be something more to this story...

Whose relative lives in his house rent free? Is it his relative or yours?

I would just pay the extra. He's paying a mortgage that you aren't paying. You have the same amount of money and, apart from his mortgage, equal outgoings. He is going to have less money to spend. It's just common sense for you to pay for your family holiday if you have the money.

So he's in self inflicted "poverty". Take your kids and possibly your mum instead op, don't further subsidise his relative by picking up the tab for your partner.

But OP owns a 96% share of their home, so effectively has her own property- I can understand why he would want a back up plan to be honest.

Yes me too and if this was the other way, he owned the property and she could afford to buy her own, the advice would be very different.