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Original poster

Angry at dh for fucking mortgage up

71 replies

Trippingsteps · 04/05/2024 06:45

Hi,

I’m so angry at Dh. We are supposed to be moving to a new (better) mortgage deal soon. We met with the broker but it became apparent that there was an issue….

dh has fucked up with his credit card, missed a series of payments and now has a default registered! He only owes £500 on the bloody card!!!!

in his defence, he’s had a rough time as his dad died at the end of last year and he fell apart a bit. I think he just stopped looking at the emailed statements and just forgot about it!!

so we have no hope of a better mortgage rate now. We’ll need to wait at least 2 years. I’m so angry I could leave him. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
ByUmberViewer · 04/05/2024 15:47

I wouldn't fix my mortgage now anyway. Stay on the SVR.

mrsbyers · 04/05/2024 15:50

You should still be able to get a new better deal than standard variable rate with your current lender

HcbSS · 04/05/2024 15:53

You could leave him over an issue to do with MONEY while he has lost one of the most significant people in his life?

WorkCleanRepeat · 04/05/2024 16:06

I'd be annoyed too op. This is exactly the reason you should set up a DD for the minimum payment.

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 04/05/2024 16:14

CelesteCunningham · 04/05/2024 14:15

Absolutely normal to struggle with life admin but there's some balls you just can't drop as an adult. A late penalty, sure. An insurance policy auto renewing at a higher rate than necessary, sure. A default that's going to harm your credit rating and leave you paying a needlessly high mortgage for two years? The rates they move you to at the end of a fixed period are always so high. I would find that harder to forgive even if he has gone through one of the shittier milestones of adulthood.

But like I say, a source of frustration and annoyance, not a source of divorce.

Show quote history
Hmm

I'm sure if you tell everyone struggling with bereavement they 'can't' drop a ball it'll fix it.

TorroFerney · 04/05/2024 16:50

GoneIsAnotherSummersDay · 04/05/2024 09:54

I'm not sure that this is always the case.

My current account send me messages if I go over my overdraft limit. It amazes me that I can go over my CC limit and they don't get in touch with me at all.

Show quote history

Does your card just not work when you have hit your credit limit? I'd have thought not doing this would be against FCA regs, so say your limit is 10k are you saying you could just go on spending to what 20k/100k?

If that's what's happening you need to report them ,the limit is to protect you as well as them.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 04/05/2024 17:11

I'm the most organised person in the world normally.
After my Dad died I managed to allow the car tax on both cars lapse. When I tried to sort it out, I realised that I had thrown out a "keep"pile with both log books.
Don't blame DH. Blame a ridiculous system that creates these barriers for what are minor matters.

Miloandfreddy · 04/05/2024 17:26

ByUmberViewer · 04/05/2024 15:47

I wouldn't fix my mortgage now anyway. Stay on the SVR.

Don't do this, SVR is over 8%. Terrible advice

Floralnomad · 04/05/2024 17:29

If you could seriously consider leaving your husband over a mortgage then I think there is something wrong with you .

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/05/2024 17:37

Give him a break. He must feel bad about it enough without you making it out to be a tragedy.

Out of interest, what was it that had gone on the credit card? are you sure you’re not more angry at that?

unsync · 04/05/2024 18:21

If you have a good relationship with your parents, it doesn't matter how old you are when they die, it is devastating. It has not even been a year, have some compassion and cut him some slack.

Whatifthehokeycokey · 04/05/2024 18:50

It is really frustrating to be losing that kind of money. But ask yourself, if a close relative died and you dropped the ball over something, how would you want your husband to treat you?

greasypolemonkeyman · 04/05/2024 19:02

When we're renewed with the same provider, just a different deal, they didn't run a credit check. May be worth looking at the lender you are already with?

Soontobe60 · 05/05/2024 08:14

CelesteCunningham · 04/05/2024 14:15

Absolutely normal to struggle with life admin but there's some balls you just can't drop as an adult. A late penalty, sure. An insurance policy auto renewing at a higher rate than necessary, sure. A default that's going to harm your credit rating and leave you paying a needlessly high mortgage for two years? The rates they move you to at the end of a fixed period are always so high. I would find that harder to forgive even if he has gone through one of the shittier milestones of adulthood.

But like I say, a source of frustration and annoyance, not a source of divorce.

Show quote history

Do you think people can be selective about how their grief affects them? They can pick and choose when to cry, when to be angry, when to organise their finances?

Original poster
Trippingsteps · 05/05/2024 10:53

Thanks for all of the comments. It’s certainly given me some perspective

there might be a better rate that we can switch to with current lender and I’ll be exploring that this week x

OP posts:
Bumblebeeinatree · 05/05/2024 10:58

Kangarude · 04/05/2024 13:09

I don’t have a direct debit set up for my card card and never have. I pay it in full every month, but now they’re paperless, it would be easy to miss the email that arrives. It just says your bill is available to view online. Especially as his dad recently passed away OP, I would cut him slack on this, as disappointing as it may be.

You can set up the DD to pay the full amount every month, that's what I have now. I missed a payment by a couple of days once, just totally forgot about it, got charged interest and fees, so never again!

Oblomov24 · 05/05/2024 11:49

@Sillyjane

Either a joint card, or just a discussion re making sure all credit cards etc are being paid, things generally aren't running away with itself! Thats just common sense, keeping an eye on all your finances. Most of us don't even need to have such a discussion because it's a given.

Sillyjane · 05/05/2024 16:48

Oblomov24 · 05/05/2024 11:49

@Sillyjane

Either a joint card, or just a discussion re making sure all credit cards etc are being paid, things generally aren't running away with itself! Thats just common sense, keeping an eye on all your finances. Most of us don't even need to have such a discussion because it's a given.

Not really, I assume my husband is managing use credit card, he’s a grown up, he doesn’t need me to check. Sorry you do,

whatageareyou · 05/05/2024 16:56

Honestly I think it's really really odd you would consider leaving over this? There must be other issues? Even without grief, he just made a a mistake? Would you expect such anger and him leaving you over similar?

Wishimaywishimight · 05/05/2024 17:03

My dad died a little over 2 years ago. I will never stop missing him and it's only recently I have started to feel like 'me' again.

I get that it's annoying but, in the face of bereavement, many things take a back seat.

Oblomov24 · 05/05/2024 17:14

@Sillyjane
Eh? Hmm I don't. It's a given that Dh don't need to discuss.

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