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Original poster

Friends and small loans

50 replies

Umblebee · 27/03/2024 18:28

I'm interested in people's opinions on lending money. A close friend asked if he could borrow £15 untill he got his wages. I didn't say yes or no. He felt awkward and then I felt awkward. I offered to take him out for a meal but he shut himself off from me.
It's a small amount of money but I know that if I lend him anything once then it will happen regularly and I don't want to get into that. But why do I feel as if I've commited a crime?

OP posts:

MissusKay · 27/03/2024 18:29

Don't do it unless you can afford to lose it.

Dacadactyl · 27/03/2024 18:30

I would lend money as long as I could afford to lose it.

If its just 15 quid and this is the first time, then I'd do it. If he keeps asking, then say no in future but I don't see the harm in it this time.

Yerroblemom1923 · 27/03/2024 18:32

You offering to take him out for a meal doesn't make sense - he might need the money for petrol or to pay the window cleaner.
If you can afford it and k ow he'll pay you back then I would lend it. I do think we need a bit more info though eg is he generally bad with money?

Diagdog · 27/03/2024 18:35

If someone is asking to borrow £15 they must be pretty broke in my opinion. It will depend on my finances. If I was really comfortable I would say of course and ask them if that was enough. I wouldn't ask for it back either. But it all depends who is asking and their circumstances. Some people are always going to be broke, some it's a one off. Out of interest why did you feel more comfortable offering to take them out to dinner? To be fair a simple no sorry can't right now makes it less awkward that ignoring the request, that probably embarrassed them a bit.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 27/03/2024 18:36

i'm 66 and have NEVER loaned anyone any money. i give money if and when i can (no one has asked me in several decades) but never ever a loan.

Original poster

Umblebee · 27/03/2024 18:46

He's always broke and has no savings through bad money management

I didn't mean an elaborate meal, just fish and chips or something. It's easier to give someone something to eat but lending money leads to trouble. I know if I start lending small amounts it will happen regularly and I don't want to get into that cycle.
I know I handled this the wrong way but he put me on the spot. Do people who ask to borrow realise how awkward is is for the person they ask to say no?

OP posts:

pinkmushroom5 · 27/03/2024 18:49

With close friends and family, I would either give money or not give money.

I would never loan money - the way I see it, good friends and family should not be indebted to each other.

pinkmushroom5 · 27/03/2024 18:50

Taking him out for a meal is also a nice idea.

It's the debt that I object to - I wouldn't want to be owed anything because I think it is an uncomfortable dynamic and causes problems.

Meadowfinch · 27/03/2024 18:53

No, don't lend anyone money unless you would trust them with your life.
You won't get it back and it will destroy your friendships.

Butwhataboutthesealions · 27/03/2024 19:18

A close friend asked if he could borrow £15 until he got his wages. I didn't say yes or no.

So what did you say then? How did you respond to the question? No wonder it was awkward.

Original poster

Umblebee · 27/03/2024 19:21

Last time I lent him a small amount he didn't pay it back. Eventually I told him to keep it.
If he asks again I just need to say sorry I can't, and then move on. This awkward feeling isn't pleasant.

OP posts:

DrJoanAllenby · 27/03/2024 19:33

'He's always broke and has no savings through bad money management '

The worst thing you can ever do for this fool is to lend him money, give him money or pay for anything for him.

Cocothecoconut · 27/03/2024 19:51

Neither a borrower nor lender be
then you won’t fall out with family or friends

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 27/03/2024 20:12

I think l would have said have £15, don't worry about paying me back (to save resentment building up) but it will have to be the last time l can help.

IgoogledYOLO · 27/03/2024 20:18

I had this recently with a friend. Same as you, it was awkward and I didn't lend.
Similar situation except I think they would have paid me back. I know it wouldn't be a one off so I didn't want to get into that cycle.

I'm geared for next time, "I don't lend money to friends and it's a strict rule I follow".

Rocknrollstar · 27/03/2024 20:54

We had this with a nephew. He would email and say he needed £20 so he could eat till the end of the week. But on the fourth request (DD had already no more to him) I paid him, told him no more and blocked him. You can’t keep giving away money and we weren’t sure if he was back on drugs.

Original poster

Umblebee · 27/03/2024 21:08

Butwhataboutthesealions · 27/03/2024 19:18

A close friend asked if he could borrow £15 until he got his wages. I didn't say yes or no.

So what did you say then? How did you respond to the question? No wonder it was awkward.

I just didn't answer. Then he said forget it, I shouldn't have asked.
I worried that he might be hungry so that's when I mentioned food.
Btw he works full time, is single and has low cost housing. I work part time but my partner works almost full time. I don't want to be a lending machine.

OP posts:

catmomma67 · 27/03/2024 21:14

If someone came to me and said they were broke and wanted to borrow £15 i'd need to know why.. if your friend is single, working and in low cost housing, then something isn't right and you can probably bet on it being alcohol or drugs!

i will GIVE money, i will never lend money

Original poster

Umblebee · 27/03/2024 21:36

Definitely not drugs or alcohol. He just lives beyond his means and doesn't budget.

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Bjorkdidit · 28/03/2024 04:33

So it's not your responsibility to pick up the pieces because he can't be arsed to do basic adulting.

When he says 'please lend me £15 so I can buy food' you need to hear 'I've spent all my money on crap so now I want to spend your money on food so I can continue to spend my money on fun stuff'.

I had a friend like this. On paper she had enough money. But because she had an expensive Sky subscription, £40 pm mobile phone contract, regular Domino's deliveries, she often struggled to cover the cost of a basic grocery shop or put money on her utility pre pay meter.

Apparently I was lucky as 'I had loads of money' which was seemingly unrelated to me having Now TV, a cheap 3 YO Android phone and a £6 sim only contract and if I fancied pushing the boat out on pizza it was a £5 Crosta Mollica from the supermarket not nearly £20 at Domino's.

If you're genuinely worried about him not being able to eat, spend a fiver on basic groceries like bread, eggs, beans, pasta and a jar of sauce which will last him a good few meals and offer to help him budget otherwise just ignore his plan to spend your money any time he's run out of his own.

Original poster

Umblebee · 28/03/2024 10:16

Thanks for your comments.
People who are in average jobs etc seemingly have "loads of money" because they budget but the person without money doesn't see that. I have been called tight but I'm not I just prioritise what I choose the spend on.
My friend wants my help to renovate his bedroom. I suggested he set a budget and we see how many things we can upcycle or source for free but he didn't want to do that and joked that I just didn't like paying out for anything.
He has an iPhone with unlimited WiFi I have an Android with a basic contract but I can afford to go on vacations. Think we have different mindsets.

OP posts:

FamBae · 28/03/2024 10:19

I wouldn't have let him keep the last loan even if you could afford to, because that is your get out clause for future lending "you haven't paid me back for the last loan"

Original poster

Umblebee · 29/03/2024 16:46

He keeps referring to this incident as if in jest. He can't understand why I wouldn't lend him a small amount and I can't say I what I really think, that he should stop wasting money on stuff that isn't essential, because it will end in a quarrel. He says that his cousin said I'm loaded. Going back a few years his cousin used to ask to borrow money.
I feel awful but if I don't stick to not lending then I'm opening a door that I won't be able to shut.
Btw he doesn't have a car so I give him rides and when he needs help I clean his house for him.

OP posts:

Cuppachuchu · 29/03/2024 16:59

He doesn't sound much of a friend, I think he just wants to take advantage of you, his cousin told him you are a soft touch.

Original poster

Umblebee · 29/03/2024 17:13

We get on very well normally but I'm exhausted with all this. It would have been easier to lend the money!

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