Help me budget!

[Nimbus1999]

I earn a good wage working full time but money still seems to be tight. I take home £3,500 per month, have 4 children and am going through divorce. Ex doesn’t pay anything towards kids or house (50/50 shared care).

What am I missing? How do people manage to save ££?!

Mortgage - £1,560
Gas/Council Tax - £415
Food - £400
Travel - £350 (commuting / public transport)
Childcare - £100
Clothes/Shoes/Uniform - £100 (for 5 people)
Water/Sewerage - £50
Insurances - £65
Broadband & 2 mobiles - £70
TV licence, Netflix & prime - £35
Kids hair cuts £20
School expenses (always something!) - £25
Kids clubs £80
Kids pocket money £40 (£2.50 each per week)

House will be sold but a long, slow process.

I could stop clubs but would feel bad as they don’t do much..

I’m normally left with about £100-£150 to cover everything else - dentist, going out, entertainment etc for the 5 of us.

Help!

I think you are doing really well. You've got a mortgage and four children! That's a heavy load to carry. I use the budget on Money saving expert. It's really helpful.
But don't be hard on yourself.

Oh I haven’t seen that - I’ll take a look!

I think you are doing well to cover costs of mortgage and 4 children! You could cut down a bit eg netflix or prime, cheaper broadband maybe but I can't see much in the way of savings. Do you get the single person council tax discount? Can you reduce your travel costs at all?

I do get the single person discount thank God! Travel costs are £250 commuting to London, £50 (buses, taxi etc as I currently don’t have a car) and £50 for my son’s bus pass. Ideally I need a car but then that adds more costs and I’d still have the commuting costs.

Perhaps we don’t need Netflix and prime but I think it’s about £20 per month and as we can’t afford to go out much, we do use them (and kids listen to music on Amazon which is free with prime).

I also think you're doing well - your needs are eating up a relatively large proportion of your income due to your current situation, so you don't have a lot left for wants.

I noticed £100/month for clothes for 5 people - do you really manage to spend only this?

And I don't think you mentioned birthday and Christmas presents. I think your budget will be as useful as you are nitpick-y when you try to complete it if that makes sense. As a PP said, the MSE budget can be useful for making sure that you've included everything.

Good luck OP, I hope everything eases up for you soon.

It’s a struggle in fairness. I haven’t bought myself clothes for years except work things and then just wear the same things day in day out. The kids really only have the bare minimum. I had to throw my trainers away the other day as falling to bits. So we are managing but barely!

Have you looked at Vinted at all? I used to be a bit of a clothes shopper, but I'm reformed now. I've had some lovely things for not a lot of money from Vinted, including from Hush (where I used to spend an extortionate amount of money). You do have to look through a few listings, as some people post any old things. There are definitely gems there, but you need to snap them up when you find them. I think some people use it just to move things on quickly hence the very low prices.

Sorry, also just noticed your mobile phones seem quite expensive - are you stuck in a contract for both of these still? There are lots of cheap SIM only options now.

I think my broadband and sim only mobile is about £55-£60 and then another sim only mobile on top. Might check to see when my contract expires as be good if I could get that cheaper!

I know you have shared care so no maintenance - but does your ex contribute to children's clothing, school costs, hobbies etc? If not, could he?

Also don't forget that if you are earning and contributing to a pension, you are saving (even if it doesn't feel like it now!).

You can spread your council tax over 12 months as well, if that might help you to budget. You just need to ask them. Some people like having the 2 months off though.

Are you pursing child maintenance from their Dad?

Have you checked whether you're entitled to any benefits?

Can you sell anything on eBay?

Oh, 50:50 shared care, sorry, I missed that. Is Dad buying his share of clothes etc. For them then?

They have limited stuff when they’re with him. Has hasn’t bought any school uniform and just seems so make do with my stuff.

Paying £37 for broadband and £19 6GB phone so maybe can make savings there, deal runs out in April!

Oh, great, def savings to be made for the phones. I think I pay £8 per month with giffgaff

Sharing costs of the kids stuff with your ex seems to be sensible, so ex pays half for school uniform, kids shoes, kids bus passes, clubs, kids phones, school trips, haircuts etc.
Either by giving you a set amount on a regular basis, or by sending you half when you've spent the money, or...
(depending on age of kids), you could give them an allowance for things that ex pays them half of
(eg 'right billy, we're going back to school shopping, we've got a £100 budget and need to get all your uniform. Then you put £100 cash (which ex gave you £50 of) into billy's wallet and let him help with adding up what he's spent as he picked out which shoes he likes, and his tops etc).
(eg right sally, you've grown quite a bit, so you need lots of new clothes, lets go to the shopping centre. You've got £150 to spend (which ex gave you £75 of), and from that you need to get at least 5 tops, 5 bottoms (at least two long pairs), a jumper, a pair of shoes and some new socks - it's up to you what you get, but it has to fit and be suitable for the weather. I know you've got that school non uniform day at the end of term, so make sure you get an outfit you'd be happy to wear for that, and aunty brenda's birthday dinner will be in May, so something for that too).
Around age 10-ish my parents started to do this with me, initially it would be with my mum, but by 12 or 13 it would be a family trip to the shopping centre, with a friend, and we'd go off on our own whilst I spent my money and made sure I got enough clothes for whatever we were buying for. Seems like a really easy way to split the expenses, either by going halfs or by agreeing a quarterly/ half yearly budget and alternating who pays.

You are doing really well. The only thing I can think you could cut back is broadband. You can get Three broadband for £25 a month 5G download between 350-550. You can get Smarty Sims for £8 per month each. I know it only shaves a bit off but you could save it up for birthdays or Xmas. I'd choose either Netflix or Amazon Prime not both. Again only saving about £11 month but something. Have you got any bits you could sell? Clothes DC grown out of etc? Also your ex should pay half of school uniforms if he has shared care. Do you get the child benefit? Does your exh wash the DC clothes when they are with him or does he send it back dirty? I'd make sure he did his share of washing also does he pay half of kids activities because he should. Does exh give DC pocket money too? He should. If any DC are teens could they walk a neighbours dog for pocket money or look after and feed a cat when a neighbour on holiday? They'd get paid for that. Are you on a fixed mortgage deal or a tracker? If on a tracker they might come down in next few months. Any chance of overtime for you?

That looks quite tight unfortunately. You can probably shave bits off some bills but then you've probably missed other items and the food bill looks quite low for effectively 3 people - you all the time and DC half the time. Will things be better when the house is sold?

Another vote for Moneysavingexpert.com for budgeting advice to check you've covered everything and tips on shaving a few quid here and there off costs, which might add up to a bit more spare money.

Will you benefit from the changes to child benefit? It looks like you're currently not eligible but should keep most of it from next month.

You must also insist that their father pays half the costs of their clothes, school trips, presents, phones if they have them. He doesn't get to leave those costs to you.

I just changed my mobile deal as contract was due to expire saving ££ so thanks for the heads up there!!! Stuck in a fixed term contract for broadband though so nothing I can do there.

Sounds great in theory but it’s a battle to get him to pay half of things. We both just generally buy stuff for our own houses, clothes, shoes etc. Although like I said, he hasn’t bought any uniform so just makes do with mine (as wearing it when he collects them).

Re clubs he refuses to contribute so some we just have to do every other week as that’s all I can afford.

He doesn’t give them pocket money no. And absolutely no way he would give me / them a lump sum to spend on clothes etc.

He does pay half of the bus and the cost I listed is my half.

I think with the rule change, I should be entitled to child benefit but am earmarking that for car expenses - insurance, petrol, maintenance. Although I guess when I get that, I’d save £50 on public transport.

Food is tight. I try to make packed lunches to save money on school dinners but £400 a month doesn’t stretch very far.

Do I need a TV licence? Could I cancel that? We mostly watch Netflix but sometimes iplayer. Could I still watch iplayer?

Never really live stuff - more catch up.

I think you are doing really well but it is very tight . There is no scope there for emergencies, broken boiler etc.

I think your ex needs to step up and contribute more for his children . It's all very well 50/50 care but 4 children are not cheap and it sounds like they will be having minimums from him. We don't know his financial situation but You won't be able to get away with £20 a month in hair cuts or £100 month to clothe growing kids so he needs to step up .

Do you have any scope to wfh part of the week to reduce commute costs . Your biggest expense is the travel , maybe a small car , moped , scooter , cycle would help .

Not easy but you are keeping them housed clothed and fed and you should be proud of that .

You still need a TV licence for iPlayer I'm afraid!

Just wanted to say that you're doing really well OP, there's not a huge amount I can see there to cut. The mortgage is what's crippling you really - I think you may just need to power through until the house is sold unfortunately. Or is there anything you can do to earn a bit extra to tide you over - sell stuff the kids have outgrown etc (appreciate it's difficult finding the time with 4!)

Nothing to add, I too think you are doing really well. Child benefit will help a little

I WFH 3 days already and that’s my cost to travel in for 2 days (I live 30 mins away but trains are ridiculously expensive). The rest of the team are in 4 days a week so I’m clinging on the my 2 days for all it’s worth! Unfortunately, it seems like the trend is to get people back in the office so it’s likely to be more, not less. But I’m resisting!!! Another day would be an absolute killer.