Help me budget!

[Nimbus1999]

I earn a good wage working full time but money still seems to be tight. I take home £3,500 per month, have 4 children and am going through divorce. Ex doesn’t pay anything towards kids or house (50/50 shared care).

What am I missing? How do people manage to save ££?!

Mortgage - £1,560
Gas/Council Tax - £415
Food - £400
Travel - £350 (commuting / public transport)
Childcare - £100
Clothes/Shoes/Uniform - £100 (for 5 people)
Water/Sewerage - £50
Insurances - £65
Broadband & 2 mobiles - £70
TV licence, Netflix & prime - £35
Kids hair cuts £20
School expenses (always something!) - £25
Kids clubs £80
Kids pocket money £40 (£2.50 each per week)

House will be sold but a long, slow process.

I could stop clubs but would feel bad as they don’t do much..

I’m normally left with about £100-£150 to cover everything else - dentist, going out, entertainment etc for the 5 of us.

Help!

I’ve cancelled my TV licence and will delete iplayer. Will get it back again when we move. I’ve also enquired to the home insurance to increase the excesses to see if that will reduce my premiums a bit.

Thanks everyone for all your helpful comments! I literally look at / think about my budget every day so good to get a fresh pair of eyes!

Long term plan is to sell house, move to a tiny (but affordable) 3 bed place and take the pressure off a bit. When ex stops messing real estate agent around ☹️

Good luck @Nimbus1999 🙂, you'll hopefully start to see the effects of your positive changes quickly.

Broadband and two mobiles - £70. You could probably halve that.

But to be honest, you're doing pretty well with four children to keep.

Does your ex buy his share of their clothes & shoes? Keep a close eye on that because mine expected me to pick up the whole bill as 'mum stuff' and it gets expensive. Now I organise ds' clothes and ex sends me half the cash.

He says he does but they don’t have a lot there. Things like my son’s secondary school bag was falling to bits but he wouldn’t pay half for a new one. So I end up paying the full cost which was £40 (school back support ones) so not cheap. Everything is a battle with him re kids expenses so I try to pay as much as I can. Maybe when house is sold he will change, who knows. Incidentally, he used to earn over £150,000 and now is self employed with “no income” - go figure!

I’m fixed in at £37 broadband with Vodaphone for another year ☹️. Needs to be a decent speed too as I WFH 3 days. I pay £7.50 for my sons mobile which think is ok and just swapped mine for a cheaper deal.

What a dick - imagine punishing your kids as a way to get at your ex-partner. What's wrong with these men?

What's wrong with these men....... Indeed! 😖

Where are you with the divorce, @Nimbus1999 ? Make sure you get every penny you're due - equity pensions, investments........ everything.

Both court cases for child custody and finances are April/May. Will just be glad to put all behind me and move on.

That seems very shit! Seen in another comment you've got court for custody and maintained stuff in April/ May, so be sure to bring up all these things then - keep any receipts for kids stuff between then so you can present an average spend, and make the case that in custody continues 50/50 you're still due maintenance due to these costs!

Court will also hopefully see that kids clubs should be every week and ex should be paying for half and making sure they get to go every weeks! As well as stuff like pocket money (age dependent of course, but he should be making provision for savings in the same way you have).

How old are your DC? If they're old enough, you could have a chat with them about the fact money is tight right now, and there's some stuff they will need to ask their dad for, as you're paying for the bigger house and more expensive mortgage on your own. Particular with stuff that you've been paying for like clothes or school trips.
I'd also loop the schools in, particularly if kids are at primary, check he's on the email list or has access to the school apps, and request that trips or requests for money go to him too, and again keep track of these for court. Also try to get kids to remind him about school related expenses on his weeks, don't pre-empt them by giving them money in advance (eg if it's non uniform day on his Friday, don't give them £1 in case dad forgets).

Sorry you're in this situation! It sounds really shit! As a short term measure, could you do a budget meals month, or particularly research free things to do locally over the holidays, to try to keep costs down? Happy to suggest things if it'd interest you!

Open for suggestions! Things made a bit tricky that I don’t have a car and have to rely on buses / trains. Easter holidays are looming and I have a few days off work.

I use the BBC feed your family of 6 for £1 each for a lot of recipes which is quite good!

Flipping ##*#
He's taking you for a mug!

He's messing about selling which means you have the large mortgage to pay for longer, and he's contributing nothing either effort wise or financially wise to 4 children!

Vinted has new school uniform.
Read the descriptions carefully and ask questions before you buy.

You’re doing a great job OP!

Until things are sorted I would suggest you check out your local food bank. Theres no shame in it and those 4 growing kids need feeding as well as possible!

Can you go interest only on the mortgage until the house is sold? It’s worth speaking to your lender about this.

I’d be tempted to tell ex that if the house can’t go on the market ASAP (give him a date) then you’ll have to default on the mortgage payments in order to pay the bills, which will affect his credit rating… see if that focuses his mind.

I also am struggling with our astronomical bills. I have twin boys who are 8. We both work full time. I WFH, OH does not. I work in the private sector. We live in a 3-bed bungalow with a large garden. My wage is around 3k pcm; OH is £2k pcm. Can anyone suggest anywhere I could save/or earn more money? Here are my monthlies:

Mortgage £1897 (went up by £600 this year)
Council Tax £225
Gas £107 DD (for hot water mainly)
Electricity £160 (we have an EV and A2A heat pumps)
Life insurance £139
Broadband £26
EV car hire purchase £209
Loan £406 (to pay off home essential renovations)
Credit cards £500 (as above)
TV £15
Netflix £11
Taekwondo for kids and OH £80 (they go 2x per week for this)
After school care £180
Pet stuff (food, insurance, pet care) £80
Guitar lessons for one DS £80
Swimming lessons £170 every 10 weeks
iPhone £16
Apple One £24
Joint savings £50 each
Fuel and ad-hoc groceries £200
Meal kit (occasional) £40

We split bills 60/40. The rest is used for kids clothes, birthday gifts, food shopping, and one family holiday a year if we're lucky.

I know the holiday and kids stuff and meal kit would be an easy chop but we want some quality of life and development of a worldview for the kids, which for US is achieved through seeing other cultures, tasting different foods and having artistic outlets and interests. I acknowledge that the kids have privileges other don't, and I'm making no judgement about other children who don't do the things we prioritise.

We're at the point where we are thinking of downsizing to reduce the mortgage/CT/heating bills. But the thought of moving just puts a pit in my stomach (the cost, hassle, moving schools etc). Just feel so stuck.

Sorry to hijack! Will start new thread.