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Original poster

Late Father’s money- should I say something?

50 replies

Drinktea · 28/02/2024 18:55

Hi,

my dad passed away recently. I’m in the process of sorting his estate. I am one of 3 siblings. We all get on well and we are United in our sadness for Dad.

I have been going through Dad’s bank statements and hand noticed some payments to my younger sister over the lady 3-5 years. Not huge amounts, but about 2.5k in total.

i keep thinking that I should ask sister about this. She has had some money issues over the last few years ( self inflicted in my view) so I think that Dad was probably helping her out,

DH thinks that i mustn’t mention it as it will embarrass her , and that it’s none of my business.

WWYD?

OP posts:
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 28/02/2024 18:57

Leave it. What are you hoping to get out of it? Do you want her to pay it back?

she won’t; it was an arrangement between her and your dad.

MsPavlichenko · 28/02/2024 18:57

Say nothing, your DH is right, it’s none of your business. It was between your Dad and your sister. If neither of them told you about it they didn’t want you to know.

Noshferatu · 28/02/2024 18:58

It’s not really relevant now. I wouldn’t say anything at all tbh.

twoforj0y · 28/02/2024 18:58

It's irrelevant in terms of claiming that the amount is taken off any cash she receives from your dad's estate, if that is where you're going with this?

I wouldn't say anything to be honest. It's between them.

Onabench · 28/02/2024 18:58

None of your business. Say nothing

yourlobster · 28/02/2024 18:58

It's not your business and if either of them wanted to discuss it they would have.

Unless there's been some coercion then it doesn't need to be mentioned.

WhoaJayShettybambalam · 28/02/2024 18:59

What would you gain from mentioning it?

It would be intrusive of you to comment.

Dearg · 28/02/2024 18:59

It is none of your business; unless you feel that your sister was coercing your dad into giving her money.

If you are the executor, your role is to follow the will, if such exists, or the rules of intestacy if not.

Remona · 28/02/2024 19:01

It’s no concern of yours. It was a private matter between your father and your sister. If you think she should get a smaller portion of the inheritance because she’s already had £2,500, then you’re on a hiding to nothing and it’s very mean spirited of you.

TraitorsGate · 28/02/2024 19:01

No don't mention it, unless you think it was against his wishes or financial abuse.

OnPurpose01 · 28/02/2024 19:02

That was between your father and her. Leave it.

Original poster
Drinktea · 28/02/2024 19:04

I don’t think that there would have been any coercion or anything like that. Dad was her closest person so she probably would have gone to him when she was stressed and he would have helped.

OP posts:
Beach2lion · 28/02/2024 19:05

Is £2.5k a significant sum compared to the total size of his estate. If not, definitely don’t mention it. Even if it is, it’s probably not worth risking your relationship over £2.5k as that would only be about £800 for each of the siblings.

MadelineWuntch · 28/02/2024 19:06

Drinktea · 28/02/2024 19:04

I don’t think that there would have been any coercion or anything like that. Dad was her closest person so she probably would have gone to him when she was stressed and he would have helped.

That's all there is to say then really, what he did with his money when he was alive was up to him.

I'm very sorry for your loss Flowers

ZoeyBartlett · 28/02/2024 19:08

My Gran had been giving her daughter money and left a note saying how much and it was a loan and should come out of her share. Of the account. She agreed at time but a few weeks later claimed it was a gift and shouldn't come out of her share. My Dad didn't want to fight about it so left it. Bitter taste remains!

So my advice is leave it! It will only lead to arguments.

TraitorsGate · 28/02/2024 19:08

Drinktea · 28/02/2024 19:04

I don’t think that there would have been any coercion or anything like that. Dad was her closest person so she probably would have gone to him when she was stressed and he would have helped.

Remember him for his kindness, I am sure he would have done the same for you. Sorry you lost your dad.

ShanghaiDiva · 28/02/2024 19:09

What do you think asking her about this will achieve?
In terms of gifts made prior to death and iht implications then assuming your father didn’t exceed the £3k that can be gifted every year, how he spent his money is irrelevant.

Coyoacan · 28/02/2024 19:12

Is it worth jeopardizing your relationship with your sister for such a small amount of money. It is none your business and could well have been money he owed her

sleekcat · 28/02/2024 19:13

Why is it an issue? There has been many times my mum has given me money and a lot more than that.

Mindymomo · 28/02/2024 19:13

My Dad used to come to my house every week, most times he would give me money and say buy the grandchildren something, although I didn’t need the money, he still gave me about £100 each month. He would also pay for Christmas lunch every year. We only saw my brother about 4 times a year so don’t know whether he gave him any money, as he always withdrew cash each month. It might have been that I was his only daughter and the youngest and had a mortgage at aged 20 that he wanted to help me.

Lollypop701 · 28/02/2024 19:14

Think about it from a different viewpoint… if I was of sound mind and wanted to give one of my kids a helping hand it’s my money and my business.what I do with my money now is totally up to me

My assets only become part of my will when I die, and those assets are shared as my will states.

user1469908675642 · 28/02/2024 19:16

I wouldn’t risk a falling out at an emotional time over what in the grand scheme of things is a fairly small sum. Sorry for your loss OP.

TheSnowyOwl · 28/02/2024 19:17

Why would you ask her? Surely it’s obvious your father wanted to help her out and was probably aware of your view of her finance management, so it’s unlikely either of them would have told you.

Chewbecca · 28/02/2024 19:27

Why?

Your job is to distribute what he has in accordance with the will (or intestacy rules).

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/02/2024 19:33

Say nothing - he gave her a fairly small amount of money, and it was his money to do whatever he wanted with. Nothing needs to be said.