Late Father’s money- should I say something?

[Drinktea]

Hi,

my dad passed away recently. I’m in the process of sorting his estate. I am one of 3 siblings. We all get on well and we are United in our sadness for Dad.

I have been going through Dad’s bank statements and hand noticed some payments to my younger sister over the lady 3-5 years. Not huge amounts, but about 2.5k in total.

i keep thinking that I should ask sister about this. She has had some money issues over the last few years ( self inflicted in my view) so I think that Dad was probably helping her out,

DH thinks that i mustn’t mention it as it will embarrass her , and that it’s none of my business.

WWYD?

Say nothing, it’s really none of your business at all. Why would you even think you have a right or any valid reason to bring this up? What are expecting to get out of it?

Nothing to add except no business of anyone but them really. 2.5k is neither here nor there when sorting out an estate.

Unless you’re doing it from a place of concern for your sisters future financial well being and considering helping her with her inheritance money management then no, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.

Leave it.
Whatever he did with his money was his choice. He could have spent those £2k buying clothes, going on hols or to a restaurant.
or entertaining a lady friend 😜😜

Seriously, what do you think asking your dsister about it would achieve?
Or are you just feeling jealous she got that money but you didn’t?
Annoyed that she doesn’t handle money well so had to rely in your father?

Why do you feel the need to know (and judge)?

Leave it, it has nothing to do with you.

So leave it. It has no relevance to the distribution of the estate.

He's right. To what end would you be mentioning it? What would you be wanting to achieve?

Kindly, it’s none of your business, and has nothing to do with his estate. If your dad had wanted you to know, he would’ve told you himself.

Sorry for your loss 💐.

You’d see similar going from my mum’s account to mine, it’s paying for various things that I’ve paid for or bought online on her behalf (I do actually keep a list because one year when she moved house it was more than £3k).

You have no idea what they may have agreed. Money bounces between mine and my mum’s account regularly. I pay some of her bills and she gives me that money. My parents have at different times helped both my siblings and I financially, I don’t care about amounts and none of us know who was given what. It’s all irrelevant. I’m sorry for your loss OP. I hope you manage to support each other through your grief.

I'm sorry for your loss. I absolutely agree to ignore it. My dad passed away last year and, unless I suspected financial abuse, I would respect his choices.

My mum is always sending me money but it’s usually to reimburse me for something I’ve bought for her etc , just leave it be as asking will create nothing but bad feeling

It’s none of your business

Why do you need to know?

How big is his Estate?

I sent my middle DS money so regularly it flagged up as needing explanation when he applied for a mortgage. I did always put the explanation on as the transaction reference anyway but it was because he is a star constantly running errands for me e.g. takes cat to vet I repay the fee, picks car up from service, picks up takeaway etc etc. Nothing like as much goes to my other two DC and I don't spend much time explaining to them that DS2 has done me another favour - they'd say I was guilt tripping if I did!

Your DH is right, it’s none of your business.

Your father could spend his money on whomever or whatever he wanted . Now that he’s passed away, don’t go sticking your nose in. It’s nothing to do with you.

Absolutely nonè of your business. Do you think it should come put of any money she inherits. Far beyond your duty as an executor. IMHO.

If they were gifts over £3k per annum total, made within the last seven years, in theory the value should be added back as potentially, there is an IHT liability.

Probate is hard enough without the executor nickel and diming.

Edited to make sense. 😁

My Dad has been giving sums of money to my daughter over the last couple of years as he is worried about her paying a mortgage on her own. She hasn't asked for any financial support but he is concerned about her anyway. You could say it isn't "fair" on his other grandchildren but they are all in relationships and I think that is his logic. I haven't discussed it with him in fact he told my daughter "don't tell your mother" so I'm not supposed to even know about it.

I can see a situation arising after he dies if my sister has access to his bank account and notices the payments - where she could feel resentful on behalf of her own children, I don't know. But I do know that the money is his to give away how he chooses as he has full mental capacity. So I think the same applies to your Dad really, it was up to him who he chose to give financial gifts to and he will have had his reasons whether you agree with them or not.

It’s none of your business what your DF did with his money while he was alive. He sounds like a great Dad. Leave it.

Wouldn't you want to help out your child if they were struggling?

Were these paper statements? I hate the idea of anyone going through my accounts and judging me on what I spent my money on.

Unless you aim to vary the will in her favour because you think she needs more help it is none of your business. But as you say "self inflicted in my view" it doesnt seem likely that is your motivation.

Your father probably wanted to help his child, that was his right. You may be jealous, that is your problem.

£2,500 over 5 years us about £500 a year/£40 a month and you want to make a bug deal out of it?

When my parents passed away I saw the payments my dad had been making to my sister. She'd been physically closer to him so had regularly done shopping for him/driven him about so to me this was just payment for that. He'd also given her money when she'd struggled financially. When I visited he'd take me out for lunch etc, not something he'd do with her.

Did my sister get more money overall? Yes (probably, I didn't add it all up). Did I feel aggrieved? Not at all, fair doesn't always mean equal.