grateful for what we have but depressed we’ll never have more.

[HeadsShouldersTitsandArse]

I can’t stop thinking about the fact we will never be comfortable, we will never have spare income.

and it feels so selfish because we’re in a better position than a lot of people. We both have jobs, we have a mortgage (albeit shared ownership) and we can put food on the table.

but we can’t actually afford anything above the bare necessities. We don’t go on holiday, we don’t go for days out. We have the odd fast food ect and sometimes if we have enough fuel on the weekend we’ll go to the park or out to soft play.

I just really hoped that one day we would built a better life. But I’m scarily close to 30 now and I feel like my life isn’t going anywhere. I feel like I’ve hit our financial peak and this is it for us. I wanted savings, I wanted something to leave for our children one day. But it won’t happen and it feels like my insides are being chewed up. I just wanted better. I’m grateful for what we do have, I’m just sad that this is as good as it will get for us.

You are very young to write yourselves off this way?
Is there no scope to progress your careers?

It's not selfish. Being grateful for basic amenities is not required. Everyone should have food, water, shelter, housing.

However, you're 30, a baby. You can retrain, take a degree, a new career. I assume your kids are small so you will have time when they're older.

I think you're tired and fed up. It's the grim bit of February and spring can't come soon enough.

But... you are still in your 20s and have a home and a child. Most people don't get there until their 30s. I didn't have a child until my 40s. At this rate your child will be grown up and you'll be past the childcare years by your mid forties leaving you 20 years earning power at the peak of your career.

Everyone does things in a different order, we all have different priorities. You're doing brilliantly.

Why on earth do you think this is your “financial peak”? This is your financial low-point.

Once your children are working and you’ve reached the top of your careers - that’ll be your peak. 20 years and it’ll keep improving all the way.

What odd expectations young people have.

30 is not the usual age to hit your financial peak.

Thanks all.
r.e career; my job doesn’t leave much room for progression and it’s not a skilled job. It’s quite average but pays well. I don’t have any special degrees. I can’t afford full time childcare these days so taking up a course or degree just won’t fit into our family right now.

I also live in an area where opportunities are very few and far between. We don’t live in a city or popular part of the countryside.

I think you are right, I am still young(ish!) and I am tired and fed up. I think it’s always this time of year when we’re just coming up to spring, the slightly lighter evenings and the knowing that summer is not too far around the corner makes me start thinking of all the things I’d like to do with my family that, in reality we just won’t get around to doing.

I also think I spend far too much of my time watching influencers and celebrities living their luxury lives on social media. I really need to cut down on screen time, it’s probably half of my problem!

I look back to when I was 30 and it was definitely a low financial point. We returned from abroad with two babies, with nothing having sold house abroad at a loss. It took many years of having nothing - all furniture was from the local charity shop second hand, kids toys and clothing were all second hand. Eventually things got better, we will never be rich but things have got better. Neither of us have ever really climbed a career ladder but have been fortunate enough to not have been out of work. All our kids are young adults now and have never wanted for anything.

I started to think like you & then I realised there's a whole world out there. Relocated to a cheaper area so outgoings much less but also an area with more job opportunities. Even have savings now! You're not stuck where you are you just have to look outside the box

@HeadsShouldersTitsandArse, as your DC grow up and leave home you will become better off. I always think it's sad that when the kids are small and you could really do with a bit extra cash you get out and about you just don't have it but once your DC have left home and you're older you become much better off but too old and knackered to enjoy it fully.

We didn’t hit peak earnings till we were early forties.

We were both willing to relocate and I did this twice and DH did it a few times before I met him. Stop looking at influencers.

You really are not at your financial peak,

Kids cost money. A lot of money.

The nursery years are incredibly expensive. The school years cost less.

You are at your financial low point.

Wow at 30 I was renting a room in someone's house, I was single and childless. I knew it was all still ahead of me.

I started an online degree at 34 (whilst working FT), had a baby at 35, bought my first home.

Now at 38 I still don't think I'm anywhere my financial peak 😆 is there no way for progression or slightly deviating from your job into a more lucrative/better paid job eventually?

Practicing gratitude is a good thing - I do despair at times of people (in general!) who can't seem to tell the difference between a need and a want.
But to be in your late twenties and think you've peaked is sad. I think it's easy at that age to forget that you're still really young and have many productive years ahead of you. I remember splitting up with someone aged 30 and immediately resigning myself to the bin as being too old to find someone. I'm now 46 and look back and think FFS! But I'm now at an age where I'm really trying to raise my earnings now my kids are a bit older and I've got years of experience behind me at work. I see me earning for another 15 years at least. I might even change career direction in that time, who knows.

There really is no room for progression in my job. It’s the type of job that’s aimed at people
who are fresh out of college or uni that are looking for something to tide them over until they find a job in the sector they’ve studied. I’ve gone a bit backwards I suppose as I used to work in a semi-professional job, but the pay was and is known to be absolutely terrible everywhere you go and the employers are horrible, hours and the stress involved just meant I’d be so unhappy. so I left, and I get paid more than double doing what I do now without needing the qualification I earned.

I do get the difference between a want and a need, and I know we are lucky to be in the position we are. We brought our first house when I was 20, sold that and made a good bit of profit to use as a deposit on our now family home. We still needed to use shared ownership but it’s a good home for us and we plan to eventually staircase to owning the full 100%.

It does just make me da that I’ll never really have the ‘wants’ in life. Albeit they’re materialistic things like a newer car that I love, holidays every year or two, taking the kids to Disney. But also some things that I really thought we’d be able to do for the kids like put away savings for when they’re older, have money put aside for when we’re gone. But it just seems like we’re going to leave them nothing and it breaks my heart. The only thing I have to leave them of any value is my wedding ring.

OP you’re not even 30! You could retrain if you wanted to - I do understand it’s not that easy with kids and a mortgage to pay etc, but you won’t need expensive childcare forever.

You have a house, a job, kids, presumably a loving partner, before the age of 30. In many people’s eyes you are absolutely winning at life. And the small DC stage is one of the hardest financially, so it really isn’t your peak!

Ignore the influencers. It’s not reality.

Get off social media. Comparison is the thief of joy. Those flashy Celebs are likely miserable and missed up. Enjoy what you have. Can you not walk to a park or playground? Or go on bike rides? See friends and family?

if you have a mortgage in late 20’s you’re doing ok imo

I can’t believe you’re in your twenties and decided this is it. You can have all the things you wish if you chose. You can retrain, you can move, but what you can’t do is get all chewed up about not liking your own choices.

i think you've identified your issue with the influencers thing. Give yourself a 2 week social media break and see how it affects your mood, outlook, energy etc.

Set yourself small goals like hitting your steps target, visiting new parks (on foot), reading a book, going to the library with your DC.

The endless scrolling and influencers are spoiling your mental health and this is more to do with that and less about money.

Is it though. She doesn’t live under a rock. Her kids will go to school, she will fully understand others can afford more than the bare necessities. Yes social media won’t help, she’s envious and wants more, but she’s in her twenties and she will see other kids having more, kids at her kids school, and also others having less. Her lifestyle and income level is effectively a choice she and her partner are making.

Writing it off in your 20s is fine. She’s 40 years of working life before retirement, she can chose to go after what she wishes, and if she chooses not to, that’s fine also, but shouldn’t then get all chewed up about her own choices, and they are choices. No they can’t do the jobs they do, on the income they are on, and have the lifestyle she wishes.

so it’s make your happy choices and accept the lower income lifestyle. Or change the choices up to something else and earn enough to pay for a different lifestyle. It’s a choice we all face.

At 29 I was in a very low earning job, had 5k of debt (which felt insurmountable on my income) and my boyfriend and I had to have a flatmate to afford our 2 bed rented flat. Definitely not where I thought I'd be approaching 30

In the last 10 years we've both doubled our income, bought a house and then sold to get a bigger one, paid for a nice wedding and due our second child this year with savings for a second maternity leave.

10 years is a long time and a lot of small changes can mount up over that time! There was no big catalyst for all our changes, just tiny steps towards what we wanted. I couldn't afford to study either so I side stepped into another industry and studied free online courses in the evenings. Took 3 years to get the junior position I wanted and have progressed from there.

If you spend 3 years studying in the evenings you'll still only be 33 and have over 30 years of a career left before you retire, plenty time to progress up the ladder!

I’ve quadrupled my salary from 27-36 and double it from 30-36 through moving industries, changing roles and strategically moving to increase my salary each time. Don’t limit yourself by believing that this is it!

I also think I spend far too much of my time watching influencers and celebrities living their luxury lives on social media. I really need to cut down on screen time, it’s probably half of my problem!

You know that is all just fake, right?

What a defeatist attitude you have.

This. I only started earning good money around 26 years, after having worked since I was about 19. You still have a long way to go