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Not enough income

44 replies

ivise · 17/02/2024 13:14

Would that bother you if your partner doesn't earn enough to have a comfortable life ?

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 17/02/2024 13:16

For me its the combined income. So if between us we earn enough thats fine,

SoftandQuiet · 17/02/2024 13:16

More outgoings than income? Or solvent?

MamaAlwaysknowsbest · 17/02/2024 13:18

Does the description here involves a nice house, two new cars, foreign holidays or just making ends meet but with few treats here and there?

Dacadactyl · 17/02/2024 13:19

@Youcancallmeirrelevant at this stage of our lives, I would agree that the combined income is all id be concerned with.

When the kids were younger, it'd have bothered me if he didnt earn well enough, because we'd have had limited options when it came to work/SAHP etc.

If I was not married to the person nor living together, it'd bother me cos I'd not want to be subsidising someone I wasn't married to.

LIZS · 17/02/2024 13:21

Is this a partner or bf/gf? What is the definition of comfortable - getting into debt by regularly overspending budget , managing day to day costs but no holidays or car, nice lifestyle but few luxuries?

Beenaboutabit · 17/02/2024 13:22

Regards of income, it would bother me if my partner spent everything on a comfortable life rather than saving for the future.

Financial compatibility is so important, so if you have to ask the question you have, you’re probably not compatible.

Chickenrategg · 17/02/2024 13:23

My husband earns a lot less than me; he's on I suppose the equivalent of NMW but he's self employed so sometimes it's a little more, sometimes a little less.
He does not work any less hard than I do and between us we earn enough to live relatively comfortably. He loves his job, he spends all day outside and he's one of those incredibly rare people that when you asked them what they wanted to do a child, he told them pretty much exactly what he's doing now. I would be able to cover our basic bills and mortgage by myself but only just so his contributions to the household income take us from just scraping by to what I call comfortable.

I much prefer that our children see both of us loving what we do and that we have our evenings and weekends together than DH being away all the time, brining in a massive salary but for a job he hated.

MamaAlwaysknowsbest · 17/02/2024 13:32

Chickenrategg · Today 13:23

My husband earns a lot less than me; he's on I suppose the equivalent of NMW but he's self employed so sometimes it's a little more, sometimes a little less.
He does not work any less hard than I do and between us we earn enough to live relatively comfortably. He loves his job, he spends all day outside and he's one of those incredibly rare people that when you asked them what they wanted to do a child, he told them pretty much exactly what he's doing now. I would be able to cover our basic bills and mortgage by myself but only just so his contributions to the household income take us from just scraping by to what I call comfortable.

I much prefer that our children see both of us loving what we do and that we have our evenings and weekends together than DH being away all the time, brining in a massive salary but for a job he hated.

..........

yes, I started as live in aupair in the UK. My aupair mum saw the husband only at the weekends, there were numerous financial benefits, but she was on a very tight budget and had to keep an excel sheet because of her own financial past. I thought they actually could do well to live together full time and liked them as a couple. Not sure what the situation was there and why. He could have any job he wanted , anywhere.

if you read this, sweetheart, I love you and always grateful for you.

MamaAlwaysknowsbest · 17/02/2024 13:34

lol, the sweetheart goes to the lady

thesoundofmusicals · 17/02/2024 13:37

Yes

ivise · 17/02/2024 13:40

At this moment till September I am staying part time home with my daughter , I just feel that he isn't even trying to earn extra or trying to find a better job , i know this is personal but for me as a man he should do that , we don't go holidays, also he only give me 500 towards rent and because I am only working part time it leaves me with nothing , I can't by myself anything and soon I will have to pay for road tax , then car insurance , :/ at this point I feel like I would be better off as a single working mum

OP posts:
SnowsFalling · 17/02/2024 13:44

OK, I'm going to bite.
Why don't you earn more? Increase your hours?

ivise · 17/02/2024 13:46

And who is going to pay for extra childcare then? We don't have any free childcare help

OP posts:
ivise · 17/02/2024 13:51

And also before he couldn't find a job , I was the one paying for everything, when I was pregnant, he didn't have enough savings, so I bought everything for house and child.

OP posts:
keirakilaney67 · 17/02/2024 13:51

MamaAlwaysknowsbest · 17/02/2024 13:18

Does the description here involves a nice house, two new cars, foreign holidays or just making ends meet but with few treats here and there?

IMO that doesn't matter. It's about shared financial goals.
A woman's perfectly entitled to want a man that can keep her in diamonds but it's up to her to communicate that. Same the other way around.
OP, I'm not materialistic but I want a partner that earns enough for me to buy nice things in the supermarket, pay bills without having to budget tightly. Get a takeaway couple of times a month. Cars, holidays etc are irrelevant.

LIZS · 17/02/2024 13:52

Why September? Funded hours, UC childcare funding? Has he always been a low earner or is he withholding money for joint expenses and spending it on himself?

ivise · 17/02/2024 13:54

Exactly Keira , this what I mean

OP posts:
AstorianPlease · 17/02/2024 13:58

"As a man he should do that" yikes. I wouldn't like that attitude in 2024 but each to their own.

There isn't really a reason you can't work more hours or get a better paid job just like you expect your partner to as there funded hours, UC pay 85% of childcare costs.

However if that's not something you want to do and neither does your partner then like you say there's the option of being a single parent.

AstorianPlease · 17/02/2024 13:59

(Unless partner is withholding money and being very tight with expenses)

MamaAlwaysknowsbest · 17/02/2024 14:00

keirakilaney67 · 17/02/2024 13:51

IMO that doesn't matter. It's about shared financial goals.
A woman's perfectly entitled to want a man that can keep her in diamonds but it's up to her to communicate that. Same the other way around.
OP, I'm not materialistic but I want a partner that earns enough for me to buy nice things in the supermarket, pay bills without having to budget tightly. Get a takeaway couple of times a month. Cars, holidays etc are irrelevant.

Edited

Ok, so if none are earning according to the shared financial goal, is it a goal or wishful thinking ?

ivise · 17/02/2024 14:01

Ok than why woman are the one who have to sacrifice being at home or swapping jobs just to fit his hrs or child hours , so yes as man its his responsibility because I don't see him trying to run around fitting his work hrs so it's works with childcare

OP posts:
AstorianPlease · 17/02/2024 14:09

ivise · 17/02/2024 14:01

Ok than why woman are the one who have to sacrifice being at home or swapping jobs just to fit his hrs or child hours , so yes as man its his responsibility because I don't see him trying to run around fitting his work hrs so it's works with childcare

I guess when you become a family everyone makes sacrifices however if you don't feel your partner is pulling his weight, helping out as much as he should or simply you're not happy in the relationship then you don't have to be in it but if you're the one wanting more income and your partner isn't providing it then I'm not sure what to suggest.

My family doesn't really go with traditional roles and DH is a carer/stay at home parent and I'm the breadwinner but all the money is pooled together so it's just household income.

keirakilaney67 · 17/02/2024 14:11

MamaAlwaysknowsbest · 17/02/2024 14:00

Ok, so if none are earning according to the shared financial goal, is it a goal or wishful thinking ?

A goal is a target set together. If you cannot meet it, you discuss and change the targets or change your action to align with the target.
The important thing isn't 'the goal' here it's that both parties communicate and understand where the other is coming from.
Also, that they have similar views.

You (or whoever you copy pasted for some odd reason) said you were happy with a low earning man, as long as he was home lots. So 'home time' is a goal not just the money. There are many people who are paid a pittance for long hours and shit conditions, presumably you/they wouldn't have wanted one of these?

I earn well but wanted a partner who could match me with the understanding that we saved up before kids for going PT. I am ND (so is DH), there is a high likelihood our kids will need greater parental input than others as it is hereditary so I didn't even consider having kids without being able to stop work.

Others want young and fun partners they could go travelling with, thinking about the future when it arrives. Both are valid viewpoints. You only have an issue if people from both these camps paired up.

LIZS · 17/02/2024 14:13

ivise · 17/02/2024 14:01

Ok than why woman are the one who have to sacrifice being at home or swapping jobs just to fit his hrs or child hours , so yes as man its his responsibility because I don't see him trying to run around fitting his work hrs so it's works with childcare

Responsibility to make it work is equitable. Why do you claim a right to be at home? Tbh it does not sound as of you like him very much and warning signs were there before you had your dc.

ivise · 17/02/2024 14:26

I am not always home I work around his hrs and child nursery hrs , he has full free day to do whatever , if I had that freedom I am sure I would be trying more , he isn't , he doesn't have to think oh I need pick up my daughter or I have to drop her off , it's all on me , so if he has that freedom I expect him to maybe find at least better paying job he doesn't like this one anyways it's like he isn't trying

OP posts: