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Original poster

Parents and sister financial arrangement. not happy

72 replies

liptoniced · 06/02/2024 23:07

Hi,

My sister (28) has recently become single. She has a child. She is in the process of sorting out somewhere to live, after leaving the house that she shared with her partner. She is currently living with our parents, but this isn't ideal as it's a 2 bed house.

She has put in a offer for a house in my parents village. I have just found out that my parents have given her a 15K deposit. This has been made up from 5k savings and 10k personal loan. Apparently they were able to get the loan at a very low rate. My sister has agreed to make the loan payments for the 10k loan, but the 5k is a gift.

I am unhappy that my parents have done this. I can live with the 5k gift, but not the 10k loan. Dad says that it's nothing to do with me. Parents are still relatively young (55 and 56) and working full time. Dad claims that the loan is preferable to withdrawing savings as they are in a bond.

It just doesn't sit right with me. Am I crossing the line?

OP posts:

MorningSunshineSparkles · 07/02/2024 07:26

You’re upset you didn’t also get a similar amount of financial help - that in itself is ok but not something you should be voicing to your parents. What’s really not ok is you thinking you’ve any right to be upset about them taking out a loan or their agreement with your sister.

user1474315215 · 07/02/2024 07:31

These replies are so harsh. As a parent of adult DC I believe it's crucial to treat them equally, as not to do so leads to exactly this sort of situation. Hopefully the OP's parents are in a financial position to do the same for her if needed, otherwise this is deeply unfair.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 07/02/2024 07:38

It's their decision. Be grateful that you have parents that are willing to help out in such situations.
I am the same age as your parents. One child I help out with nursery fees, one I paid off some debt they had got tangled up in, another I gave some money towards a deposit.
It will all sort itself out in the end and I am glad to help my dc. If any of them had the nerve to comment on what I did for the others I would be upset.

MayThe4th · 07/02/2024 07:47

I find it somewhat astonishing the amount of people who come on here thinking that they have the right to judge and have a say in what their adult, mentally capable parents, who have raised children to adulthood and presumably aren’t bankrupt choose to do with their money.

I have 0 doubt OP that if your parents started to dictate to you how you should behave in regards to money you would be crying “I’m an adult, why are my parents infantilising me,” and if you posted here that your parents were unhappy about how you lived/spent your money/what you borrowed and why and that you were helping out your children, posters would be telling you to tell them it’s none of their business. Hell some would probably even tell you to go nc although I’m not a fan of that one.

How your parents live, who they decide to lend money to, why they decide to borrow is absolutely none of your business.

Honestly, money brings out the very worst in people.

WhistPie · 07/02/2024 08:05

@MariaLuna "I get you OP and you're getting a lot of flack on here.

Anything can happen tomorrow to your parent's health etc."

In which case nobody should ever take out a mortgage because anything could happen tomorrow to their health

@liptoniced I'd be absolutely furious with you were you my child, your parents are capable of making their own decisions. I'd also be less inclined to help you in the future should you need it.

Ametora · 07/02/2024 08:24

I bought a house on my credit cards and a personal loan a few weeks ago. Much more sensible for me than taking out a mortgage or cashing in savings as rates were much lower for the loans and I can pay back in a short time.

How do you know that this wasn't the most financially efficient way to do it?

cryinglaughing · 07/02/2024 08:24

None of your business!

I am one of 3 children. 2 of us are financially savvy, the other one is feckless with it. She earns decent money but never has enough.
My Mum & Dad have propped her up all her adult life. Myself and my other sister couldn't give two hoots. I know my Mum and Dad will be leaving nothing behind money or property wise but I don't think that would be any different had they not given funds to my sister.

AnonyLonnymouse · 07/02/2024 08:25

It does seem like she needed some help to be honest. It is kind that your parents have given her a leg up towards independence.

Or would you rather she sofa-surfs, or lives in council temporary accommodation? Or stays in your parents’ house indefinitely? Or moves in with the first man who will have her, therefore putting your DN at risk?

But if you’d rather they didn’t get the loan then perhaps you should have loaned her the money instead?

Flottie · 07/02/2024 08:26

Your parents can do what they want. BUT I personally think treating kids differently financially is wrong as it creates resentment and it’s not fair.

My parents have always been very fair when giving me and my brother money for this reason. For example we each got £2k towards our weddings, we each got £20k house deposit and we each got £10k last year when my dad sold his business. No way in a million years would they have thought to only give the money to one of us.

DreadPirateRobots · 07/02/2024 08:31

God, I can't believe how entitled people get over their parents' money.

My DPIL gave my SIL a significant lump sum to help her buy a property. (She has a disability, and was then single.) DH was... delighted for his sister and happy she would have a secure place for live, because he recognised she was battling significant disadvantages that he and I, who were married and both healthy, were not. We didn't need it; she did.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 07/02/2024 08:33

liptoniced · 06/02/2024 23:11

That they are essentially liable for a debt if she stops paying

Show quote history

If they have taken the loan out in their names they're liable anyway, whether she pays or not. Presumably they understand that.

LonginesPrime · 07/02/2024 09:17

OP, if your parents were helping you, what would your reaction be if your sister tried to persuade them to change their mind and block them from helping you?

And what if you need help in the future?

Objecting to something that's none of your business seems like it could backfire in the future in all sorts of ways.

Sunnnybunny72 · 07/02/2024 09:22

PIL, very well off, gave SiL £10k for a house deposit and paid for all her wedding.
DH got nothing.
They wont leave a favourable legacy to my mind.

Mangerine · 07/02/2024 09:24

It's none of your business stop being so spiteful

Sunshine322 · 07/02/2024 09:28

Your parents are in their 50s and know the risks - that the loan is their responsibility and if your sister doesn’t pay it, they will have too. They aren’t vulnerable adults being taken advantage of. I would find an adult child interfering with my finances intrusive, particularly when it doesn’t concern them.

Daffodilsandsunshine · 07/02/2024 09:30

Of course they'd want to help your DSis and nephew get settled after such an upheaval. I'd hope they help you out if you urgently needed it too. YABU

Unless DSis has form for always needing to be baled out by them (but you've not said so).

user146990847100 · 07/02/2024 09:32

I suspect living with a small child has come as a nasty surprise to your parents, and they are keen to get their house back to themselves!
They’re in their 50’s not senile 90 yr olds so totally up to them what they do with their money.

hazelnutlatte · 07/02/2024 09:36

About 10 years ago my parents 'lent' my brother 40k to buy a house. He was going to pay them back in time but for various reasons (failed business, divorce) he was unable to do so. My parents have long since accepted that he will never pay them the money back and now view it as a gift to him.
I have never received a similar 'gift.'
I completely understand my parents decision to do this. My brothers life is a bit of a mess, going from one financial crisis to another. He would be bankrupt by now if they hadn't helped him out. I am fine financially, and whilst extra money would of course be nice I am not struggling to pay my mortgage or bills so it's not needed.
OP I think your sister is in need of your parents help so they are helping. Why wouldn't they do that if they could and are happy to do so?

ChangeAgain2 · 07/02/2024 09:41

Your dad's right. It'd nothing to do with you. It's their money and their liability. They aren't stupid and I'm sure they understand the risk of your sister defaulting.

Graceandfury · 07/02/2024 10:08

Eh? They can loan money to whomsoever they wish! We loaned ten grand last year to a friend of ours who is paying it back each month. No problem. We are adults and can do what we want without asking our kids permission

jessycake · 07/02/2024 11:13

I expect they did it so their grandchild has a secure home , and with the cost and insecurity of rentals in the uk , I think it's a sensible decision for a relatively small amount of money.

decionsdecisions62 · 07/02/2024 17:34

The op buggered off!

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