Disagreeing with H how to spend redundancy payment

[Hhhh80]

My H is more than likely going to be made redundant towards the end of the year. He's been with the company a long time but redundancy payments are not that generous so he'll get just over 30k.

We have no savings currently as we are in the middle of home renovations which have spiralling costs although I'm trying to rein the costs in as much as possible. These were necessary renovations due to my H having a long term life limiting health condition. We've also recently had to change our car so he could carry on driving with his health. Overall this has left us around 8k in debt.

Our youngest child also has ASD which my H finds hard to manage due to his own health so I work part time due to this in a very flexible job but not the best paid. When we don't have debt we have plenty left over at the end of the month.

Our plan if he hadn't been made redundant was to have this paid off over the next 12 months. It's on a 0% credit card. He hates owing money though and wants it paid off ASAP.

Neither of them get PIP or DLA. He was refused at the appeal stage as he really focuses on his health and doesn't look ill. He can do this due to me doing more or less everything else which I don't mind as I want him to live as long as possible. Child hasn't got enough evidence for DLA as school say he copes well. He just doesn't at home.

Anyway, so he thinks it will be very easy to get another job on a similar salary. He hasn't had to look for work for decades and doesn't realise how things have changed and it's harder now.

Due to his health, our life insurance for him as the main earner runs out in a couple of years. He would not be able to get it again, no one would insure him. I think it would be best to spend the redundancy keeping a few thousand in savings, paying off any remaining debt and the rest off the mortgage.

He thinks yolo, let's travel, have fun and leave 10k in savings. I'm terrified of being left with 2 kids, one of whom is quite severely disabled and a mortgage I would struggle to pay off on my own. It wouldn't pay all the mortgage off but it would reduce it to around 75k which would make me feel a lot better.

Any thoughts? Thanks

It's his money, not family money.im sure he will do the right thing. Retrain, pay the bills whatever his priorities are

he thinks it will be very easy to get another job on a similar salary. He hasn't had to look for work for decades and doesn't realise how things have changed and it's harder now.

My DH has been made redundant many times since 2000 with so many finance-wrecking fallow periods in between. He earns less now than he did in 2000 in absolute not just relative terms. It's getting harder and harder for him to be even called for interview as he gets older. Your DH might face additional challenges with a disability/long-term condition.

Your DH might benefit from consulting somebody like these people for guidance on how to write application forms that succeed for PIP etc.

https://www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/personal-independence-payment-pip

Your plan for paying off a good chunk of the mortgage and planning some experiences together looks sensible to me. From the sound of it, your DC face extra challenges already and may also need to cope with bereavement in the near term (if I understand you correctly). My heart goes out to them as I know what it's like to have your parents die at a young age. I can say that we were never able to properly grieve for that as a family because of the endless debt this plunged us into from which we never fully recovered.

Thanks for that link, it's very helpful. His life expectancy is difficult to predict as it just depends on a number of factors. Good point about him finding it harder to find suitable work due to his health as he requires a lot of WFH.

I'm just so scared of losing our home. Not being able to get life insurance is scary.

Can you compromise? Pay off the debt but maybe allocate 5k to an amazing family experience?

I agree he may find it difficult to get work but if I were faced with a life limiting condition I'd probably want to blow some cash to make it feel like all the years working had been worth it.

Hi, yes I was thinking of splitting it this way..
5k for a holiday somewhere amazing
6k savings
4k to pay off debt
15k or whatever is left off the mortgage.
We've stopped talking about it now as he doesn't understand why I'm worried about the mortgage. He will lose his large death in service payment when he's made redundant too.

It must be really hard, in his position, to hear that you’re worried about his life insurance and death in service benefits. Not that they aren’t valid concerns, but I wonder if that’s playing into why he’s against your plan.

How much does he want to spend on the amazing experience? Could you compromise on not booking that until he’s found similarly paid work - knowing that might be harder?

Will he definitely not get any insurance? I think ours is a requirement of our mortgage!

It’s a really tough call. You are thinking very logically about this and how you’ll cope when he’s not here, he’s understandably not. Putting myself in his shoes, he probably feels he worked hard for that money and might not have a long time left, and he wants to enjoy some of it. He might also feel he doesn’t need to pay off more of the mortgage, as you weren’t planning to do that if he wasn’t made redundant. I know he’d have had DoS then, but he’s probably not really considered himself dying while working and you getting that… would that have paid off the mortgage?

It’s a really tough time for you both, I’m sorry.

Well redundancy money should really be there to cover essential expenses while he is looking for another job so I would not be allocating it anywhere until he knows how quickly he can find another job and what the pay will be. I would not be talking about holidays and if you have 2 severely disabled children would it even be that easy to travel? My DGD is ASD and receives DLA but travelling with her would be a nightmare as she hates any change in routine or surroundings. Has he considered that?

I am sorry, it must be really tough for you both at the moment. Is there no separate life insurance on the mortgage if he does die while you still have a mortgage.

He is dying so his need for a last hurrah, a final holiday of a lifetime with his family is going to be a priority to him. I couldn’t say no if it were my DH. They have make a wish foundations for dying children, but adults also need to have family support with final wishes when they are facing an early grave.

I think you are worrying too much about such a tiny mortgage. If you had to, you could remortgage and get lower payments by adding 5-10 more years onto the term. Or you could downsize/move to a cheaper area after the kids are grown and have a home mortgage free.

Yes, pay off debt but beyond that, I’d let him treat himself with his redundancy money. It’s not much money in the grand scheme of things.

I can see his perspective, but personally, I would spend £4K on the debt and allocate the rest of the money for savings until he gets a new job. You don't know how long it would take for him to get a new job, and as a PP said, his age could adversely impact.

I'm just so scared of losing our home.

I meet a lot of people in similar states to your DH. It's not unusual for parents with young children to want to do everything that they can to preserve 'normal' family life for children and ensure continuity of housing after a bereavement.

Please talk to the helplines of relevant charities. They may well have family support programmes that can be very helpful. Likewise, if your DH has a Clinical Nurse Specialist, they can probably talk to you and help clarify matters and signpost you to useful resources.

I find it really strange that hour DH has. Life limiting condition. but not entitled to DLA? I don't know how the system works though.
If your child is also severely disabled then you need to gather evidence to claim DLA. My daughter gets the minimum amount a week due to her dyslexia and adhd. The money goes towards private speech and language therapist.

Also if your DH has a life limiting condition, I can see why he wants to enjoy the life he has now with money he has to spend. It's a tricky situation but I think I'm with your DH on this one.

30k. Pay off the debt. Plan a fantastic holiday. Rest in the pot until he's working. You can't spend it until you know if he needs it for his "share" of the bills

My honest opinion? It's his money, and I completely understand him wanting to travel and do things he enjoys before being too unwell to manage it. Otherwise what does the poor bloke have to look forward to? I know you want to be sensible, but this is his life and he quite rightly wants to enjoy the time he has left. You have the rest of your life to earn more money.

Your mortgage is small, I honestly don't know why you're so worried about it tbh. Mine is WAY more.

What percentage is your mortgage?

What percentage is your debt?

What does your pt wage cover?

Don't chuck money at debts just to clear them for peace of mind it has to make financial sense too. Savings can give you that.

I’d reapply for PIP now too. He might get motability and then you can sell the new car.

I think the mortgage is >£100K (not entirely clear).

It’s no more than £90k. OP says it would “reduce mortgage to £75k” and that is if her plan to pay £15k on it is followed.

The money isn't the issue. He has significant issues that is impacting his control. This opportunity is looking like a chance for him to gain a small amount. You need to future proof your income, retrain etc. He needs to have control to help him over the next hurdles.

Won’t his life insurance pay off the mortgage?

Your mortgage is tiny.
As someone with a life limiting condition I think it's reasonable for a chunk of the money to be used on living life.

I don't know what sector he's in, but I wouldn't be so sure he'll get another job that quickly.

I used my redundancy money to live on.

Well not to be brutal but only if he manages to die before it runs out which it seems it will soon.

it’s a hefty gamble that most people wouldn’t take.

I'd want all the £8k debt paid off. Then if he will die soon I think a special holiday before he is too ill to enjoy it would be important. Most mortgages only let you repay an additional 10 percent in a year. Money in the bank until you know if DH can get another job.

Not really the point of your thread, but you don't need school support to claim DLA. Plenty of children get DLA whose schools don't support or even agree. I presume you have other evidence of needs, as you describe your child as severely disabled.

Your DH also needs to apply for PIP. Depending on income you may be eligible for Universal Credit, too.