Disagreeing with H how to spend redundancy payment

[Hhhh80]

My H is more than likely going to be made redundant towards the end of the year. He's been with the company a long time but redundancy payments are not that generous so he'll get just over 30k.

We have no savings currently as we are in the middle of home renovations which have spiralling costs although I'm trying to rein the costs in as much as possible. These were necessary renovations due to my H having a long term life limiting health condition. We've also recently had to change our car so he could carry on driving with his health. Overall this has left us around 8k in debt.

Our youngest child also has ASD which my H finds hard to manage due to his own health so I work part time due to this in a very flexible job but not the best paid. When we don't have debt we have plenty left over at the end of the month.

Our plan if he hadn't been made redundant was to have this paid off over the next 12 months. It's on a 0% credit card. He hates owing money though and wants it paid off ASAP.

Neither of them get PIP or DLA. He was refused at the appeal stage as he really focuses on his health and doesn't look ill. He can do this due to me doing more or less everything else which I don't mind as I want him to live as long as possible. Child hasn't got enough evidence for DLA as school say he copes well. He just doesn't at home.

Anyway, so he thinks it will be very easy to get another job on a similar salary. He hasn't had to look for work for decades and doesn't realise how things have changed and it's harder now.

Due to his health, our life insurance for him as the main earner runs out in a couple of years. He would not be able to get it again, no one would insure him. I think it would be best to spend the redundancy keeping a few thousand in savings, paying off any remaining debt and the rest off the mortgage.

He thinks yolo, let's travel, have fun and leave 10k in savings. I'm terrified of being left with 2 kids, one of whom is quite severely disabled and a mortgage I would struggle to pay off on my own. It wouldn't pay all the mortgage off but it would reduce it to around 75k which would make me feel a lot better.

Any thoughts? Thanks

Due to his health, our life insurance for him as the main earner runs out in a couple of years

Are you in the U.K.? If so, I think I’d take this up with Martin Lewis or an ombudsman or something. What’s the point of life insurance if it doesn’t insure your life?

I think he should pay off the debt and then spend the rest on travelling and enjoying yourselves while he still can. Paying £15,000 of the mortgage won't make a huge difference but the memories you will have from spending the money will last forever.

Ah, OK, I’ve just googled life insurance, and I can see it can be fixed term, so I understand about it running out and not being renewable because of his health.

I get why he wants to have a holiday /fun experience and spend some of his redundancy

Yes May find it hard to get another job due to age and Helena

Depends on ability and health

Why the specially sdapted car

What is wrong with dh

If your child is as disabled as you say , reapply as should get some help

Equally I get your fear but that's a low mortgage so can remortgage did lower payments or sell/downsize etx if /when he dies and you struggle with repayments a

If he has a life limiting condition I can totally see why he thinks now is the time to grab life and do something memorable with his family with this money.

I can also understand how you are afraid of the future being left on your own.

Neither of you are wrong so as others have said maybe see if there is a compromise to be had.

You really, really need to get a job, OP. What's your plan here?!

It’s easy to the op to say get a job but as things progress and caring responsibilities increase working will become almost impossible. However she probably will have to.

I think the money should be used for either living in if you can’t claim uc or reducing debt. He might want a last hurrah but as a parent your responsibility is to your children and leaving things as easy as possible for them.
I think it’s difficult for people who haven’t been in similar situations to know what you’re going through

I would have thought he'd be more likely to get DLA if you emphasise the limited life expectancy. If you got high rate DLA you could get a motability vehicle.
I don't understand others being glib about your 'small' mortgage when you have a disabled child getting no benefits and you on a part time job.
15,000 is adequate for holidays but pay off mortgage and or debts too.

This, if you are unable to work full.time because of his and dcs needs surely they can claim dla? I'm sure there is an action group that can help with this I've seen recommendations for here.

That's definitely small then!

Just to throw something in the mix, my DH was due a decent redundancy payment and others were due tens of thousands after decades of service. We had plans for that money. Just before everyone was due to receive it, the company declared insolvency and made an asset sale of the profitable parts of the business, including the part DH worked for, meaning no one will get their payments. Nothing we can do.

I don’t think either of you should have plans for the money unless your dh has another job to go to at the time the redundancy comes through. You may need that 30k to pay bills whilst he is looking for work.

Are you sure you don't have other life insurance connected to your mortgage? Usually you have to have it as a condition of the mortgage and it's just for the term of the mortgage.

Argghh! Just typed out a massive reply that got deleted. OP I think your plan is best. I would want to set the family up securely financially esp if you might have to cover the mortgage alone in the future.
Also I would try again for PIP. In my experience they turn everyone down the first time they go for it. You have to think about how things are on your worst days what you can't do on those days. It is quite a depressing experience. If you go in being positive (as most people do to try and get through every day) they will sign you off as fit to work. I'm sure the main reason they exist is to reduce the amount of people that they pay PIP to. Record all the things you find difficult for your partner and your child so you have an evidence bank if you try again.
Also it would be really nice to have a nice experience as a family if you have reduced your mortgage and debt.

I agree that your plan is best and you should bolster your attempts to get PIP, DLA and also carers allowance for you.

Back to the redundancy- with your husband's health situation/ disability I think there could be a chance his employer cannot get away with making him redundant so easily. I advise you look into this with an employment solicitor. You may find he can get swapped into another role or have a role ringfenced and not be unemployed after all.

Firstly I think you need to reapply for both the DLA and pip. Evidence ie letters from health care professionals is the key. You don’t have to look unhealthy 😂to get pip (I get it myself and have the high rate mobility element) so get help there with completing the application. It could mean up to £800 extra per month for your husband. Which could go towards paying off car.
I think £5000 on a holiday excessive but that’s just me. I would go 2k tops but yes to paying off debt mainly the big one mortgage.

I'd say no spending if he's not got another job to go to. The reality of that is likely to be a surprise to him unless he has an outstanding network and very solid skills that will weather the current storm of AI etc.

Given your very different views I would be saying put the money in a high interest account and when (if) he gets a new job then decide how to spend it.

The reality of job hunting and the job he eventually gets will then mean he has to consider what is affordable.

Given his long term prognosis and the large work life insurance he might be better seeing if there are other jobs available at the same place.

Thanks for the replies. I'm not sure why some thought I don't have a job. I do work but only earn around 20k. This is why I'm concerned about the mortgage. Yes our mortgage is only around 100k but that is still 650 a month with the current interest rates.

My husband isn't going to imminently die. I didn't mean that, he's not terminal. He's going to need a transplant soonish and his quality of life will dwindle away to virtually nothing without one. This stage before he gets the transplant it's so important that he makes every effort to prolong the life of his existing organ which he really puts every effort into. His life expectancy is low compared to the average person though but a number of factors can impact this. I understand he wants to make memories with our kids.

His current company are so understanding about this and allow him to work flexibly and attend medical appointments around work. He can also largely wfh which makes a huge difference. I'll speak to him about being moved to a different role as an alternative to redundancy as he could do with not being made redundant. He's very rarely off sick as they'll allow him to work from his bed if he needs to. Luckily his job is not physical and he should be able to continue to do it. It's just the company has been taken over so they already have people doing the same role. They're very happy with his performance. Many others are being made redundant not just him.

As for PIP and DLA, we sent all the medical letters we have for his claim and he was still turned down. Maybe we will try again.

For our son, he has no involvement with any medical professionals. He has been on the waiting list for a diagnosis since 2020. I don't think people realise what a postcode lottery it is. My friend in Manchester had her son diagnosed within 12 months. School say he largely manages at school as he bottles it up until he comes home. The only input from the sensory team is the off email. There is no help in our area for someone with our sons needs. He is not disruptive or violent with others although he can be with us as we are his safe space. We are both experts at managing his needs ourselves and this is how we manage. Hopefully this is the year he gets his diagnosis and we can apply again. I earn too much to claim carers allowance and we don't get any other benefits.

Yes the life insurance is fixed term which will expire soon. When we moved house and took on a bigger mortgage my husband had his diagnosis by then so no chance of a new life insurance policy.

The car isn't a new car or specially adapted, it's just an automatic. We had a heavy manual one before which he couldn't physically drive due to his health.

Thanks for this. That really does sum up our situation. I'm very practical about things and felt safer because his death in service would have paid off the mortgage. He doesn't like to think about the thought of him dying and leaving us behind and says it won't happen. He'll get a new job, maybe higher paid, he won't tell them about his health as he's rarely off sick. In the future he'll get a transplant and go on to live a long happy life. He doesn't read about all the things that can go wrong like the transplant gets rejected etc etc.

It's just I'll be the one left behind to pick up the pieces if this doesn't happen. I would happily work full time if not for my son and having to do more or less everything for my husband.

I agree with some PPs, no spending or planning spending at this stage. Use the money to tide your family finances over until a new job is secured. When you get to that stage, that's when you can plan to spend / save the balance, if some is left. 🤞🤞for you.