Repaying child benefit - HOW

[Spottyblobby]

Last night it exploded in our house because DP received a letter from HMRC regarding the higher income child benefit charge.
For context I have 2 children, 1 is his and we have separate finances, he is the main earner, pays mortgage & council tax (the big bills). I am the lower earner & take care of the smaller costs, utility bills, food shops, childcare, kids bits (clothes, school trips etc). I had no idea he was a higher earner, did not do any of the remortgage forms where I would see his gross earnings, I just filled in the child benefit forms when the kids were born & that was that.
I apologised that I had gotten him in trouble with HMRC, said I would cancel my claim, call and sort everything out & set up a plan to repay what I need to. But it’s so complicated & I don’t know where to start, they need his earnings each year, including from interest???? I thought that was when you took a loan out & interest cost you money, how can you earn from it. They need pension payments for him, they won’t accept anything from me & I just don’t know how I’m going to sort it out. He is so good with money & all over the Martin Lewis stuff so I thought he would know if he was supposed to repay anything & of course I would give it to him if I took more than I should have I just don’t know how to resolve it. Anyone else been here what do I do.

It's not your fault, if he knew he was over the threshold he should have told you. You didn't know, therefore you claimed the benefit.

It is his problem to sort out, caused by his unreasonable secrecy around money, and it does sound like it might be just the tip of an iceberg of financial abuse.

It’s not your fault - you’re supposed to claim it! And if he is a high earner he pays it back. Unless you lied and told him you weren’t claiming it for some reason? If he has any grasp of personal finances he’d have known you were claiming it and it’s very simple for him to pay back - thousands of couples do this every year there’s loads on MSE about it.
However if he hadn’t thought to ask if you were claiming, and you didn’t know what he earns, it sounds like the communication around finances is pretty poor between you which will just lead to more problems unless it improves. You’re financially linked if you’re living together and have children so really should be on the same page.

a) do not cancel you claim - you are earning at present, but if you were ever out of work, CB also brings an NI credit (until youngest child turns 11). Worth keeping for that alone
b) there is nothing for you to repay to the government
c) does he really want you to pay him the CB money (which is the only way a repayment is possible) or did you just say that because you were dealing with an angry man?

d) have you got enough "running away money" such that if you ever were to split up you can afford to house and feed your DC? Because the house is his, you are not married, and paying utilities isn't going to establish a claim on his assets.

Firstly, how can you not know what your husband earns? How can you be in a financial team with someone whose finances you don’t know about?

Secondly, your husband is the high earner, not you. The onus was on him to ensure his family wasn’t claiming something he wasn’t entitled to. And he needs to sort the bloody forms to pay it all back.

Thirdly, if something is exploding in your house, for any reason, then you need to have a cold hard look at why and whether you want that in your life.

You need to push back on all of this. You are not your husband’s emotional sponge.

It's a bloody shit system, OP, and has tripped us up too as my earnings varied wildly when the kids were little ten years ago and it was introduced. And people don't always discuss earnings and tax with a partner when you keep separate finances.

At one point when I was back on PAYE HMRC actually wrote to me and told me to stop doing tax returns - then there were a couple of years where I thought DH had covered it in his tax return, and it turns out I should have been doing one as the higher earner even though all my income was PAYE, purely because of the Child Benefit. I knew about the charge but had thought any additional tax relating to it was either deducted through PAYE or via DH and his tax return so hadn't worried about it.

HMRC only wrote to me in 2020 just at the outer extent of the 5/6 year period - then it was a nightmare as they kept telling me I owed more and I nearly missed the payment deadline for the extra amount as they only put this information in my tax account and didn't write to me or send me an email. Luckily I was checking it regularly to see what shit they were going to come up with this week.

Just what you needed in the middle of a pandemic, a fucking tax panic. Wankers.

He needs to submit a Self Assessment tax return which, if he is a higher earner he may need to anyway, and declare it. It is then taken into account in the calculations. He has until end of January for the 2022/3 tax year. You can cancel the payments for future years.

He needs to sort this out - not you!! then you need to sit down and start knowing what he earns, what goes into savings etc…

This is not your fault - would you have claimed it if you knew what he earned - no you wouldn’t- he’s being a secretive idiot!!

It's not your fault, it is your right and your children's right to receive this money. The set up is to help women who are being financially controlled or even abused by bastards who are holding the purse strings and not contributing adequately to their family. Families where partners are working together as equals can manage it in various ways. The fact that he is making you feel guilty about it is a huge red flag. Are you sure you want to be with him?

As many people have said, you should be claiming it. Unless the two of you you have discussed it and both agreed you will stop the claim (and there are several good reasons not to do this), the entire situation is 100% his fault.

Don’t let him blame you for the fact he apparently doesn’t understand very basic requirements of the tax system.

I hope you are on the title of the house since it may well be that the multiple ‘smaller bills’ you are paying add up to more than the mortgage but if you aren’t paying the mortgage and aren’t a legal owner, you won’t get a penny of equity if you split.

The fact you don’t realise you get paid interest on savings suggests you don’t have any money in your own name which is very worrying.

I’m not in anyway being financially abused. We have a lovely home, which we jointly own, I enjoy meal planning & sorting the kids out. He is better at other bits. It’s just never come up, when discussing days out/holidays etc we say
can you afford half, if the other says yes then we book. We don’t really chat about gross earnings. It’s all irrelevant anyway as it all goes on tax, it’s take home pay which is more meaningful & I roughly know what his take home is. I just feel bad that I have been receiving an extra £30 a week which I have spent & now he is responsible for it. It seems grossly unfair.

It's a shit system, but he is ultimately responsible for his own taxes. Did it never occur to him to even ask if you were claiming child benefit?

If you don't work, and your child is under 12 you must continue to claim child benefit as it will give you national insurance credits.

It is his responsibility to sort out his tax, not yours. You have done nothing wrong

You need to think about why you are this upset?

My husband claims child benefit. I pay it back via my tax. I am good with money - so I know this. I also know how much we both earn.

The only reason he has to pay it back is because he hasn’t told HMRC to take it via his tax code. Now they are into him they will most probably want a tax return filling in annually. Which if he is secretive about money - he won’t want to do.

You are not to blame. It is his responsibility to sort this and he hasn’t. If he doesn’t tell you his gross salary how can you help him?

Also don’t stop claiming it, if he dropped dead tomorrow they don’t back date to the beginning of the tax year and his YTD earnings may mean you could have claimed it.

You need to examine why you feel he is being reasonable. He isn’t.
Also not reading your application for a mortgage is crazy. You are legally bound by this and you should read it. It is addressed to both of you.

Add up what you spend each month vs what he spends - the variable costs (over 12 months) are often more than the mortgage and council tax. I bet they are not proportionate to the wage difference.

"It’s just never come up, when discussing days out/holidays etc we say
can you afford half, if the other says yes then we book. We don’t really chat about gross earnings."
So you pay half each-even though he earns significantly more than you?

I also think you need to think about what financial abuse is.

As the higher earner I share my money with my husband. It’s not 50/50 split like I did with my old uni housemate. We just pay for things as and when. We also use his tax allowance to maximise interest (if he has money in savings I presume he is using your allowances to mitigate tax? - if he isn’t why not?).

I never fully shared finances with my ex (and I never married him) because it was a commitment I wasn’t prepared to have.

We pay half each for stuff like holidays & days out as I pay for myself & my child, he pays for himself & our combined child. If anything it’s unfair towards him as he’s paying for our child and I’m not. I should cover me, my child & half of our child. However he’s a fair person & just splits stuff 50/50.

I agree with everyone else that this is his tax to tap because he is the higher earner. It isn't your fault and you shouldn't pay it back.

It is however a very unintuitive tax and I can see why he may not heard about it (and hence known to fill in a tax return) and I sympathise with him about that.

When you claim child benefit, for quite a while now the forms have given details of this repayment mechanism, so maybe you should have told him at the start of your claim, or maybe you did and he was below the earnings threshhold and then you both forgot about it.

If he already does a tax return I have no sympathy because it is set out very clearly in questions on the online version.

I have to say though, you seem uncurious about his financial affairs to a worryingly naive degree. You owe it to yourself and your children to take more interest in money that is forming part of your living costs. You are happy with the arrangement, but knowing what is fair involves transparency and decisions based on that, not 'everything seems to work at the moment'.

Based on the figures you have given (you receiving an 'extra £30 a week') that roughly equates to full child benefit for 2 children. If he has to pay it all back that means he earns above £60k. But it could be a lot more. You say you know roughly his net pay, but what if he earns extra at some points in the year (overtime? bonus? if he got a payrise?). How much do you have in savings? Would your system seem fair if he was able to save £1000 a month and you weren't?
Does he have life insurance? How would you manage without his wage?

I would take this as a wake up call to both of you to be a bit more interested and transparent about money. And if he doesn't want to, I would be concerned about this. I am already concerned given your post sounds like you feel he is angry at you.

Obviously it would be better to have had a chat about this in advance but you are where you are and I’m not sure why you seem hell bent on taking sole responsibility for the situation given the child belongs to both of you. Sounds like you might need to sit down and discuss your finances and longer term financial planning. Regardless of whether you consider the situation to be acceptable, it’s actually not very practical sharing your like with someone and not communicating about finances. Assuming you plan to be together in the long term, understanding things like each of your respective pension contributions, for example, is really important.

This 👆

Don't stop the claim! If you want to you can ask them to stop the payments but keep the claim open.

DH has been over the threshold a couple of years now. We set up a DD to take the same amount out of our account straight after it's paid so it's kept aside. DH does a tax return and then whatever he owes is taken from that account. It is most of it but we still got to keep a small bit and I get the NI credits as I haven't worked the last two years.

I do think there should be transparency regarding finances and impact of any decisions and sacrifices on both of you and knowing who is doing paid and unpaid work.

Why is 50/50 fair? Why do you think it’s unfair because you should be paying for your child plus half your joint child.

You are meant to share a life. I pay for my kids mates to go out for the day with us.
Your partner is very lucky that your child is in his life. He chose to be with you knowing your child was living with you. Surely paying for them to see a polar bear is done with love as he gets to see them see that polar bear! That is the joy as an adult. For all you know this chap is putting 1500 into savings each month and won’t pay for you all to have a coffee out.

He isn’t transparent and as others have said it’s worrying you are trusting him blindly. If he drops dead or runs off tomorrow where does that leave you and your children? Use this to get a grip on the household finances. He should be very happy that you now want to do this. If he’s not then you have a bigger problem.

We pay half each for stuff like holidays & days out as I pay for myself & my child, he pays for himself & our combined child. If anything it’s unfair towards him as he’s paying for our child and I’m not. I should cover me, my child & half of our child. However he’s a fair person & just splits stuff 50/50.

Your posts are a tiny bit concerning.

It's up to every couple how they split their finances. However, if you genuinely have no idea what he earns, or how much he pays for the bills he covers, how can you possibly agree that you are splitting costs fairly?

Unless, of course, you think that even though you have a child together, there should be no question about family money. You say DP so I guess you are not married.

I'm sorry to spell this out to you, one of the great things about MN is that hearing honest explanations about how people manage finances can really open peoples eyes.

Others upthread have expressed this much more clearly than I have. The vibe that your OP gave of you having done something terrible set my spider senses off.

I hope it's all ok and just a misunderstanding between you. I hope you and he take this as a wake up call for more transparency between you in your financial affairs. If he doesn't ho along with that, please, start thinking why that might be. It certainly won't be because you are earning more than him and he has much to gain from being more open, will it.

All the best.

I genuinely can't imagine being in a relationship with someone, having a child with them and not knowing how much they earn? That is really quite strange. Something is very off with this as others have said.

In addition to the house being in joint names, and therefore i assume joint mortgage, please don't tell me you just sign the remortgage forms without reading them... what if he is in financial trouble and leveraging increasing debt against the house... it happens, even in the happiest of relationships.
Take this as a wakeup call OP, this is not your fault but its time to be open and honest with one another