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Original poster

Constantly worried about losing everything

32 replies

FearofFunds · 13/11/2023 19:35

Husband earns £55k. We have a £180k mortgage plus £40k help to buy. I did earn £14k a year pro rata but currently on maternity leave which ends soon. I'm so worried about money.. at the moment we are surviving just on my husbands money and it's fine, we aren't having to go without but we don't have money for savings. We have about £9k debt which we're paying off monthly, above minimum. Our savings are wiped from buying our house, covering my loss of wages etc. We need to build these back up but with two small kids it's hard. I'm currently trying to figure out how the hell I return to work as it's very difficult to juggle around school and nursery and my husbands hours as it all falls to me. Nursery fees will eat up almost my entire wage. We have 2.5 years left until our mortgage fix is up, and interest becomes due on help to buy. Everything is just getting more and more expensive. I'm constantly worried that my partner could lose his job (he manages a business owned by someone else who is now in his 90s and I'm terrified he'll sell it or close it down) and I just feel so on edge that everything is going to fall apart. Does anyone else feel like this? Do I sound right to worry? Would you worry in this situation? We do have ways we could save/make more money, we have a more expensive car than we need, our kids won't be nursery age forever etc, I can up my hours but there is also a chance we could lose a lot of money each month if my husband did lose his job as we'd struggle to find another where we are that pays as well. I'm sick of the worrying

OP posts:

Original poster

FearofFunds · 13/11/2023 20:46

Just me?!

OP posts:

GatherlyGal · 13/11/2023 20:55

It is a worry OP how everything is getting more and more expensive BUT it sounds to me like you are doing ok.

paying down debt while on maternity leave is great. If your DP loses his job he'll find another. I know it's easy to say but don't waste time worrying about things that might never happen.

There's always a way. If wages are eaten up by childcare then think longer term - is it worth the hit now to keep your career going because in a few years you won't have those costs.

Mamato29192 · 13/11/2023 20:58

I worry every day. Going on maternity in 2 weeks and been on the sick since 18 weeks with PGP x

user1846385927482658 · 13/11/2023 21:08

Do I sound right to worry?

Is the worrying achieving anything? Worrying is useful if it helps you form contingency plans to respond to a real crisis - it's not useful if it's just giving you an ulcer for no reason.

It doesn't sound like anything is bad enough to constantly feel on edge that it's all about to fall apart. Are you normally a worrier or is this unusual for you?

Has your husband ever discussed a succession plan for the business?

Autumnleavesss · 13/11/2023 21:13

Yabu for worrying and not doing anything about it. I too would be concerned about only having one, potentially unstable, income - but instead of worrying about it and doing nothing, I would be worrying and finding a way to make things more secure such as 2 incomes or a more stable job

Dashel · 13/11/2023 21:42

I have always worried a lot about money so I can understand why you are worried.

Is your DH looking for a more secure job and have you spoken to him about how you feel?

I would look at returning to work even if it’s part time on a weekend or wfh or a few hours. Have you been through your bills and food spends to reduce as much as you can? Budgeting really is your friend. Can you have a declutter and get the proceeds paid off a credit card

I would have a look at Money Saving Expert there is some great information on there and ideas for making a bit extra such as bank switching and matched betting. The forums are very supportive and a great place for an online diary and to see what others are doing

You might feel better if you were being as proactive as possible.

BarbaraofSeville · 13/11/2023 22:08

Agree with the others. You need to see what you can do to make your position more secure.

When you're out of debt and you start to become entitled to free hours you'll be in a better position to deal with your mortgage going up, if it does.

However, you also need to look at your DHs job. Does his employer have any family who may inherit the business? Is there any chance your DH could run it if his employer passes away or wants to sell?

Is he being paid fairly for what he does? £55k is a reasonable salary, but perhaps not if it's low for the type of work, hours etc or it's the only income for a family and he does irregular or long hours that stop you from being able to work when he can look after DC. Working for small businesses can be good if they're flexible and pay well, but a lot of the time, pay can be low and stagnate and people can be taken advantage of with hours etc.

Original poster

FearofFunds · 13/11/2023 22:30

My husband is happy where he is and doesn't want to change jobs, I just worry that it won't stay how it has been for much longer with the owner now in his 90s and we don't know in what way it would change.

I do have a job I'm going back to but it means my husband has to walk to get my son from school and wait an hour for me to get there after finishing work which is one thing when it's dry but I am worried about the rain and cold. It also pays £90 per month after fuel and nursery costs! And I have no idea how to work school holidays as my husband can't help as it's his busiest time.

We are hammering off our debts, have gone through our outgoings and cut down on a lot of things. We are being proactive and I'm constantly on the look out for other jobs that might fit in better. But I just constantly feel so on edge! Whenever I think of it I just feel like we're so close to having the rug pulled out from under us. I grew up bankrupt, I don't want that for my kids.

OP posts:

1975wasthebest · 13/11/2023 22:36

It's no fun when you have bills coming in and no safety net in the form of savings. I too would be worried, but like others have said, it's time to get proactive. The days of a family in the UK having a decent quality of life on one income - and for me that includes having at least three months savings - are long gone. Sell what you can and go through your outgoings with a fine toothcomb because I can guarantee there's stuff you or your DH can live without, apart from your expensive car.

Also start looking at working again but in a better paid job, a full-time one, or part-time with two jobs. Work on getting the gap between your joint income and your essential outgoings as high as possible. Don't only rely on him, to put it bluntly.

Nomnomnom66 · 14/11/2023 03:09

Hi OP, 14 thousand per annum is a very low wage. As a previous poster said, I would focus on increasing that. Even if you have higher childcare now, it will pay off eventually!

decionsdecisions62 · 14/11/2023 03:33

Do you have any critical illness cover of insurance- if you are that worried then perhaps insurance is the answer to cover your mortgage?

decionsdecisions62 · 14/11/2023 03:34

It's called income protection insurance

Hearmenow23 · 14/11/2023 05:12

Can you transfer your skills into something term time only? Not all the role are badly paid.

Swimeveryday · 14/11/2023 07:41

What job do you do? Is it full time? On 14k a year? I think if I was you I would start looking at how you can return to work and earn more money. Use the next couple of years to retrain and up-skill so you can bring in more wages.

How easy would it be for your husband to get a new job? Does he have the necessary training and professional qualifications to gain similar employment in a different company should the 90 year old director decide to sell?

180,000 mortgage and 40,000 help to buy is going to be a lot more when your fix is up and you have to pay interest on htb this is your goal for getting more money in.

I don’t understand about walking to get son from school and waiting an hour for you to get there in the rain etc? Does your partner not drive?

Original poster

FearofFunds · 14/11/2023 08:11

We share a car, my job is in a local town 30 mins away and my husband works in a different town where our sons school is.

I work part time because we have tiny kids and it's not worth working full time, paying 90% of it in childcare and not getting to spend their early years with them. There's no profit to be made really. Obviously once my baby turns 3 and goes funded that's when I can up my hours.

Yes he's got lots of experience in his field but we live in a fairly rural place where there aren't many opportunities to be honest. But kids and us are settled and happy.

I just want to be able to carry on as we are but I fear we can't

OP posts:

Original poster

FearofFunds · 14/11/2023 08:14

Everyone on here always says retrain, unlevel your career and I just think how? Is that quite a London and surrounding areas centric thing where jobs are available like that? If I was full time in my job my salary would be £25k which is higher than most where I live. I could go and get a degree and end up in student debt and still not find a graduate job, I've heard of many local people having the same issues. What are these roles that you can re-train and get?!

OP posts:

flapjackfairy · 14/11/2023 08:19

Well having lived through 2 or 3 major recessions in my life the one thing I have learnt is that you will survive if it ever happens ( and there is nothing to suggest the worst will even happen anyway).
Prepare and do what you can in terms of trying to save ( even a small amount makes you feel a bit more in control ) and cut costs if you can and then try to let it go because you are in danger of spoiling these precious early years by worrying.

I am a terrible worrier myself so feel a hypocrit saying it but don't load tomorrow's ( potential ) woes onto.todays load. That i s enough to break anyone.

thecatneuterer · 14/11/2023 08:22

Everyone is saying that's a very low wage as you have written it incorrectly. Your salary is £25k pro rata, not £14k. It is £14k for the hours you do. £25k pro rata isn't a great salary, but it's considerably better than 14! And consequently finding something better paid probably isn't that easy.

anon2022anon · 14/11/2023 08:25

To be honest, if you're coming out with £90 a month after expenses, not factoring in school holidays, is it worth changing to working evening/ weekends in a local supermarket or something similar instead? If you see where you are as being a long term career, then probably not, but if it's just a job that you can access after a few years out, then I would consider it.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/11/2023 08:26

I'm constantly afraid of being made redundant. I work in a business area that does restructures frequently, and I'm certain my dept is up for a restructure next.

We couldn't survive on DH wage alone, even though he has a good wage. So it is something that gives me many sleepless nights.

Swimeveryday · 14/11/2023 08:28

If you can up your hours to full time easily if you need to that would reassure me if I was you as this will cover he increase in payments when your mortgage fix runs out.

Is there a coffee shop or an indoor play area near your sons school? I know this costs money but waiting outside in the cold or rain for an hour is not ideal.

Original poster

FearofFunds · 14/11/2023 08:31

In my current role no as it's only a part time position, it's NHS and there isn't funding to increase. It is however in a hospital where I feel I could find a full time position within a couple of months after working there for so many years starting as band 2 and now working up to band 4. It would just be whether any other band 4 jobs were available or if I had to go down. I've tried going up to band 5 and lose out to people with degrees but the increase in salary isn't worth getting a degree and student debt for.

OP posts:

1975wasthebest · 14/11/2023 08:44

On average, graduates still earn more money than non-graduates. The more money you earn, the less reliant you’ll be on your DH, also it’s beneficial for your workplace pension.

And you can retrain anywhere, it’s not only a possibility in the south east.

JustKeepSlimming · 14/11/2023 08:51

Could your DH have a conversation with his boss about the future of the company - at least you'd then know what the plans are there. The boss could say "yeah, I'm planning to sell it next year, but since you're so experienced I'll be recommending that they promote you to manage it" or something. He might even offer to sell it to your DH. Or he could say "I'll be closing it". But at least you'd have time to plan.

Could you sell your car and get a smaller one to pay off the debt? Then you can start saving. Anything else you could sell?

I'd be planning to live quite frugally for a couple of years until the kids are at school - at their age they won't notice. I'm not talking about never buying anything, but just cut way back a lot on non-essentials for a bit.

Swimeveryday · 14/11/2023 08:54

Is it a clinical role? Student debt is not something I would worry about if I was thinking about a career in the NHS plus you can get bursary’s to help. How old are you? Both my siblings are nurses and by 50 they earn nearly 60k a year and they qualified in their late twenties as a second degree option.

I would be more worried about your mindset and inability to embrace change rather than your actual circumstances because I would see this as the biggest barrier to you becoming less financially precarious in the future.

Financial security does not come from what we own it comes from what we can generate admittedly passive income from what we own is the ideal cushion but you and your husband are not at that stage yet so the two of you are your biggest financial generating assets at the moment. Why not take advantage of the NHS schemes to retrain whereby your future earning potential will increase substantially?

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