Is £1800 a ‘decent wage’?

[Laurendzx]

We have a 3 year old and a 5 month old. I could only afford to take a very short maternity leave this time and was back to work within a few months just to try and pay the bills. I’m obviously not able to work as much as I used to due to childcare so I’m working nights/weekends/hours around when I have childcare. I’m having 4 hours sleep some nights just trying to keep everything afloat. I’m permanently exhausted and running myself into the ground trying to do everything (as well as most of the household jobs).

My husband has his own business with his business partner. They have been working together for quite a few years now and are making a good amount of money. However they agreed at the start not to take ‘too much’ until they’d built the business up (which they now have) so they take just under £1800 per month. This would be fine if we were able to cover our costs with this. I have a pot of money that I use to pay my tax bills and have had to just about drain it in the last few months just to stay afloat. I repeatedly ask my husband if he can please take more as I’m majorly making up the shortfall every month but instead of doing it he goes off on a rant about how we live outwith our means and shouldn’t have moved house 3 years ago 🤔 He says £1800 is a decent wage and how much do I want him to be making? as if that’s loads.

Is it just me or is £1800 below the kind of average salary for a main earner mid-30s? I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to expect him to take £2000 or £2200. We literally can’t afford to put the heating on half the time 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think £1800 is definitely low! I'd not be happy with that either OP!

@Tryingtokeepgoing yes there is that too. You might look in my business account at any one time and think - oh that's quite a bit, but I have a VAT payment due, plus several suppliers to pay, my office rent etc- it just depends when you look.

I would be asking to discuss these aspects and whether it's a case of won't pay himself more or 'can't'

Maybe you should put it to him this if he can’t take more from the business then he needs to adjust his hours to allow for you to go full time so you can bring the money in. He’s self employed so he can adjust his hours. So either he steps back and takes care of the kids more so you can support the family more financially, or he takes more from the business to support it himself.

My DH who is full time earns £1800-£2000 depending on how long the month is.I earn just under £1000 each month part time.
We are okay financially but if we let go of the reigns and begin having too many treats or extra expenditures we do end up in our overdraft.We can always easily afford the essentials though.
We are entitled to universal credit each month and this is usually between £300 and £500 we get.Some of that is reimbursed childcare though....without that we would likely get £50/£100ish.
Not sure what your entitlement would be but might be worth applying if you aren't already receiving it? It is a godsend for us until I am able to work full time one day.

I make just over that, as a recently graduated person, so I think it’s great for where I am career wise, but I can also afford to have the heating on as much as I want, so I think it really doesn’t depend on your mortgage/rent and other outgoing costs. If he has the capability of taking more, it seems unfair to have you struggle for the sake of business profits

At the end of the day its not enough for you to get by. He needs to make changes. I'd suggest to him thst he gets a different job that supports the family properly whilst his business partner keeps the business running. I spoke to someone last week who had to do this but that's because the business wasn't doing well and only needed one person.

Alternatively you get more hours and he supports the family more.

It is s very low wage but its understandable that he needs to build up the business. He just needs to be honest about how much time is really needed. If it's really all his time needed and it's really all he spare as a wage then something has to give. Second job for him could be an option. Or cutting back on his other expenses NOT heating.

Realistically you are supplementing the business. You have financially supported a business that is not yours. Your employer is supporting this business. You will see nothing of this should your relationship end.

Stop supplementing it. If you can't afford to live on your earnings between you stop paying for things and guard your savings. Halve portion sizes, don't buy snacks, coffee etc. Until it impacts on him he clearly doesn't give a damn.

This! I did it for years OP and then got turfed out on my backside with nothing, don't be me!

£1800 per month net is the equivalent of a £26k PAYE salary.

Whether that's 'good' or not is subjective but it's clearly not enough for your household and like others have said, you're subsidising him.

Sounds like its a survival wage to me for your circumstances.

@Laurendzx are you also self employed if you have had to drain your tax savings?

If you assume childcare is taken care of so you could work full time how much would you earn a month?

I manage on slightly less but it's just me and I only have a small mortgage to pay. I don't feel well off though, I have to budget for extras. I do not envy people trying to manage on that with a family

Does he realise you are subsidising his business? Literally subsidising that massive pot of cash he has.

Have you spelled out to him what you are doing to try and keep things afloat

• totted up the bills
• your hours of work to avoid childcare
• 4 hours of sleep

What is he doing to try and keep things afloat? What costs is he cutting?

Yes I am, I have a salon at home in the garage so it cuts down on travelling time etc with childcare. My eldest is in nursery but family come over to watch the baby. As she’s only 5 months I don’t necessarily want to work full time and never see them though but my income is kind of dependent on how many clients I take. I have had to turn quite a few regulars away since having the baby as I just can’t fit anymore in. If I worked 4 proper days instead of all the hours I’m having to squash in where I can then I’d probably make just under £900 per week

Yes I have again and again. Originally he agreed and said he’d speak to his business partner about making it more but he’s gone back on that recently and now just goes silent or repeats the same phrases blaming the house, things needing done etc. Hes about £400-600 per month under a ‘decent’ wage and I don’t know why he can’t see that.

We’re not talking today after I started crying last night while telling him how ill I was making myself to try and keep all the plates spinning. He sat in silence as usual

We usually both pay in £1000 to the joint account per month, it ends up in the overdraft every time anyway between food shopping etc. This month we had one big bill that wasn’t coming out. I made £900 this month and I paid in £800. The other hundred helping me claw my way back out my overdraft but realistically it will be needed on something for the kids. I looked at the joint account the other day and he had also paid in £800 instead of £1000. I questioned this and he said it was because we didn’t have that one bill coming out. So he’s kept £1000 of his money and I’ve kept £100 of mine, while ordering the kids clothes etc with it. So he’s probably floating through life thinking £1800 is plenty of money!

@Laurendzx You have summed it up very well. The other option is to say £1800 is plenty but he needs to pay in £1400 and you £600

Let's see if he thinks having £400 rather than £800 is plenty then

We usually both pay in £1000 to the joint account per month,

Well that s where you/he going wrong
1800 might be fine for the family if he puts 80 or 90 percent of it into the joint pot along with your contribution

His starting point is 1800 is good because he keeps 800 !

Go back and say you are a partnership and saving $$$ on childcare. He needs to pay more for the household as he earns more.

Does he like you? Does he like the kids? Does he want to be on his own? Work out what he would pay in child maintenance.

Would you be better off alone and topping up with UC?

I’d probably make just under £900 per week

If you can make that how much is childcare ?

Maybe take some time to rethink a regular day paying childcare
And dump your selfish dp

You need a joint budget.

If you keep paying for separate things - and especially if all the kids stuff comes from your account - then he’s never going to see the whole picture.

Go through the budget planner on moneysavingexpert and fill it in with everything the family needs to pay for. Then discuss it.

@Laurendzx this is madness. What is really striking is that he was unmoved by your tears and made no suggestions on where he could cut back or help out.

You have had to use your tax fund to keep you afloat and he is reducing the amount he pays because one bill is not going out and he has £1k to spend. This is financial abuse.

I bet he has his tax money safely sitting in the business accounts.

You need to keep your money and re-build your tax fund.

I don’t think he necessarily has to draw more money, what he needs to do is put more of what he earns in the joint account. So £1400 into the joint account and he keeps £400 I.e. £100 per week.

So he's spending £800 to £1000 a month on himself, while you can't afford heating and are in your overdraft to pay bills?

WTF OP.

I bet he has his tax money safely sitting in the business accounts.

This is my thinking too, and I feel it's fair for him to do this. And like someone else said, if he could afford to take out more, he would do, surely?

It may be fair for him to keep the tax money but what is fair about the op having to use her tax money?

It’s not about him taking more it’s about him keeping £1000 or the £1800 for himself.