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Original poster

Potential house move. Would you?

42 replies

Zigzag24 · 27/10/2023 21:48

I’ve name changed as I’m writing this on behalf of a family member. I will answer any questions as best as I can.

A and B are a married couple with DC. They have completely separate finances and pay a percentage of bills equivalent to their income. They both work full time, incase that’s relevant. A and B are looking to sell their house and move somewhere bigger as they would like more room since their family has grown. Below are the amounts that A and B would be left with after paying their share of the household bills (mortgage, council tax, gas, electric, water, broadband, TV, home insurance and food) and childcare, if they moved to a particular house that they have seen and quite like.

A - £3800 leftover
B - £600 leftover

From the remainder that they have left each month, they both pay 50% of any additional child or household related costs and holidays, eating out and days out, Christmas and birthday presents. They then also pay for their own hobbies, cars (fuel, insurance, MOT, servicing, repairs etc), clothes, haircuts etc, anything else they might need.
They do not have family savings and do not have access to each others money. They transfer their own share of bills into the joint account each month and anything else is paid for by one person and the other bank transfers them half, if required.

B already has a much lower ability to save than A living in their current home, but their main issue with the potential house move is that it would make it even harder and the discrepancy would grow. They also worry that they will become somewhat of a bore within the family as they can’t match the lifestyle that A has and will want to continue to have, and that the DC will notice this.

If you were B, would you go ahead with this move? B is only considering it because their DC would benefit hugely due to the extra space, better schools, nicer area in general. B does not want to hold their family back.
Before anyone suggests it, A would not pay more. This is not something that A would want to do.

OP posts:

Snugglemonkey · 27/10/2023 22:18

They are not behaving like a couple to me. Especially not a married couple.

CatherinedeBourgh · 27/10/2023 22:23

Not a chance. In a relationship like that, never give up your independence, which this would mean doing.

If A wants to move to a bigger place, they need to pay more.

Bedazzling · 27/10/2023 22:24

DH and I have always had separate finances, he earned more than me and though he did always end up with a bit more adjustments were made so the difference wasn’t vast. That’s difference is quite frankly ridiculous and A is a dick.

Tiswa · 27/10/2023 22:26

I would not be married to A because that isn’t a marriage where one has a better lifestyle than the kther

OP you are clearly B why are you married to such a twst

Tiswa · 27/10/2023 22:26

Apologies your family member od B. If your brother is A sorry app

CobraChicken · 27/10/2023 22:28

Fuck no, and that sounds like a horrendous marriage to me. I feel very sorry for B.

A is a selfish twat!

Aria999 · 27/10/2023 22:28

No way. If B can't afford it they can't afford it. As pp said, A needs to step up if they want more house!

A is a jerk to think this is a reasonable suggestion tbh and I would not want to stay in a relationship with them.

DH and I have each been the main earner in the past and we have always contributed according to our ability and spent according to our joint decisions.

Zippedydoodahday · 27/10/2023 22:30

If I were B I wouldn't buy a house with a twat who was happy to swan about living the high life whilst I counted the pennies. I'd divorce A and console myself with the fact that presumably they will have to pay a fair whack of maintenance.

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/10/2023 22:30

How can there be such a difference in money left over? Surely the higher earner pays more of the joint outgoings?

I honestly would not stay married if this was the financial set up.

Aria999 · 27/10/2023 22:31

Zippedydoodahday · 27/10/2023 22:30

🤣

Amberlady · 27/10/2023 22:37

No I wouldn’t move if I was B. A is tight-fisted and selfish. How can B possibly find A attractive? What sort of person let’s someone they are supposed to love and support, go without, suffer and struggle while they have plenty.

Original poster

Zigzag24 · 27/10/2023 22:44

DisforDarkChocolate · 27/10/2023 22:30

How can there be such a difference in money left over? Surely the higher earner pays more of the joint outgoings?

I honestly would not stay married if this was the financial set up.

A is a much higher earner.

A pays 70% of the bills, B pays 30%.

OP posts:

Original poster

Zigzag24 · 27/10/2023 22:49

Amberlady · 27/10/2023 22:37

B does not “go without” exactly, but they are far more careful with money than A as they have far less. It’s just the way it has always been. B would never ask, A would never give or offer.

OP posts:

loseweightpleasegod · 27/10/2023 23:07

Not a marriage I would be happy to invest any more time in.

If you were A how would you treat B?

Tigger1895 · 27/10/2023 23:19

B needs to cut her cloth, she can’t afford it. Plus A seems to not see themselves as a family and that’s a major issue for B.

PictureOfFlorianTray · 27/10/2023 23:23

A disaster waiting to happen.

ThreeRingCircus · 28/10/2023 14:31

A is a selfish arse and I wouldn't be married to them.

B cannot afford to move with their finances set up in this ridiculous manner, so if A is determined to carry on with that sort of arrangement and wants a bigger house they'll have to pay more.

RaisinsOfMildAnnoyance · 28/10/2023 14:39

It's not a fair or equitable arrangement and if I were B I would point that out and state i couldn't afford it.

Avacadoandtoast · 28/10/2023 15:02

Ok - this isn’t right.

You need to work out proportion of bills so that A & B have similar leftover each month. To make it simple:

A earning 1000/mth and B earning 200/mth

Bills 1000.

A pays 900
B pays 100

Both then have £100 to spend as wish.

That is a partnership..

As salaries change / update, so is the split.

KievLoverTwo · 28/10/2023 15:52

B needs to leave A and sometime in the future, perhaps meet C.

WITFITTO · 28/10/2023 16:07

That doesn’t sound like a marriage to me. How can 2 people in a marriage be living totally different lifestyles?
I wouldn’t move because B is going to have a horrible existence, like a spare part in their own family. Will A take the DC out places on their high income and leave B behind because they can’t afford it? I can’t understand the set-up.

Octavia64 · 28/10/2023 16:11

B cannot afford to move with the current financial set up.

A therefore needs to face the fact that either they continue with the current financial set up and don't move house, thus giving A and the kids a worse life than they otherwise would have had, or they change the financial set up.

Octavia64 · 28/10/2023 16:12

Also, A is a grade A shit.

Necadalooshi · 28/10/2023 16:18

So A loves B but is never willing to address the complete financial imbalance that sees them substantially better off. If I was a friend I would be telling A they are a selfish arsehole.

DanceMumTaxi · 28/10/2023 16:23

No B should not move unless A pays more.

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