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Original poster

Paying off 'my half' of the mortgage?

74 replies

Financiallyopposite · 01/10/2023 09:49

I live with my partner of 8 years and our two DC. We keep separate finances which bothers me tremendously as I don't feel we're a unit, but on the other hand it might be a blessing because imho he's terrible with money, saving, planning for the future etc.
I'm the lower earner but I have more of a handle on things, save for upcoming expenses, long term savings etc.
I loosely follow the Dave Ramsey method and it's really helping me get back on track (my money situation wasn't great after having to eat through my savings self funding 2 mat leaves and working PT whilst looking after young children). One of the steps is paying off the mortgage which I'd like to aim to do. This would take me a long time of course, but I'm just wondering the best way to go about it when I'd only be paying off 'my half'. My plan is to squirrel the money away until I have the lump sum years down the road. Thinking ahead obviously, would I then have to see a solicitor to have something drawn up to say my half is fully paid?
Many thanks.

OP posts:
Mamette · 01/10/2023 09:51

I am in no way an expert but I think it depends on the type of mortgage you have, i.e. whether you are joint tenants or tenants in common.

PaminaMozart · 01/10/2023 09:52

No no no!!!

It doesn't work like that. If you do this, he'll still get half of any equity when you come to sell.

Put the money in your pension instead - you'll also get 25% tax relief on contributions.

2jacqi · 01/10/2023 09:53

no no no!! if mortgage is in joint names then that will pay off half the joint mortgage, not your half!! better to hide it in the bank in case you split then you have something to fall back on!! Presumably if you split you wont be financially able to buy him out?

PaminaMozart · 01/10/2023 09:53

Mamette · 01/10/2023 09:51

I am in no way an expert but I think it depends on the type of mortgage you have, i.e. whether you are joint tenants or tenants in common.

Edited

Irrelevant in this context. This only affects who inherits on death.

smallshinybutton · 01/10/2023 09:54

This won't work if the mortgage is in joint names.

Original poster
Financiallyopposite · 01/10/2023 09:55

I'm sorry I should have said, we're Tennant's in common and each have an equal share. Put in 50% deposit each, pay 50% of the mortgage each each month.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/10/2023 09:55

Are you tenants in common or joint tenants?

YouveGotAFastCar · 01/10/2023 09:56

You can't do this, you don't legally have a "half" of the mortgage, you are both liable for the full mortgage.

You can pay off 50% of the mortgage, but you'll remain liable for the other 50% too, and you'll still have to split any equity.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/10/2023 09:57

ah, that should be a bit easier then. But really. I think it’s very unusual to be in a long term (lifelong?) partnership with someone and choose tenants in common for your mortgage. What’s the backstory? Don’t you see it as long term? Does he have debts? Did one of you come in with a larger deposit than the other?

TibetanTerrah · 01/10/2023 09:57

You need to realise it's not 'your half'. You own it jointly, and the remaining debt is joint too. They're two different things.

Or put it another way, half your overpayments would be spent reducing his mortgage debt, and increasing his equity.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/10/2023 09:58

And the fact that you r self funded 2 Mat leaves for HIS children is appalling.

NashvilleQueen · 01/10/2023 09:59

Are you wondering from the point of view if you split up?

Original poster
Financiallyopposite · 01/10/2023 09:59

Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate it!
I'd misunderstood how it works so I'll just squirrel away the money for myself instead! What a position I've got myself in!

OP posts:
smallshinybutton · 01/10/2023 09:59

TibetanTerrah · 01/10/2023 09:57

You need to realise it's not 'your half'. You own it jointly, and the remaining debt is joint too. They're two different things.

Or put it another way, half your overpayments would be spent reducing his mortgage debt, and increasing his equity.

Edited

This - very very important. You don't seem to understand your position here re the mortgage so I'm not sure who advised you.

The mortgage and the who owns the house are two different things.

Beckafett · 01/10/2023 10:00

I follow Dave Ramsey loosely and this is def a joint step. I'd focus on building your 6 month FFEF and try to see if you can align with your partner to some financial goals together.

smallshinybutton · 01/10/2023 10:01

I don't feel we're a unit you aren't sorry, I have semi split finances with my husband due to blended family situation but even so I would not have been left to self fund my maternity leave.. why didn't he pay?! I'm assuming they are his kids !

PaminaMozart · 01/10/2023 10:03

Financiallyopposite · 01/10/2023 09:55

I'm sorry I should have said, we're Tennant's in common and each have an equal share. Put in 50% deposit each, pay 50% of the mortgage each each month.

Again: this is irrelevant in relation to what you are thinking of doing. Tenants in Common means you can leave your share of the house to whoever you want to (make a will if you have not already done so!), whereas Joint Tenants means the survivor inherits automatically.

None of this matters regarding paying off the mortgage. You are BOTH equally liable to pay off this debt. SO, if you pay off more, he benefits. Don't do it!!

As I said, put your spare cash in your pension.

Original poster
Financiallyopposite · 01/10/2023 10:05

@Beckafett Thank you. Unfortunately he is absolutely 100% against working together with money, we tried combining finances for a period and he felt 'controlled' so we stopped. I envy the couples doing the DR journey together they seem to smash it as a team. I wish you all the best with your journey!

OP posts:
smallshinybutton · 01/10/2023 10:05

PaminaMozart · 01/10/2023 10:03

Again: this is irrelevant in relation to what you are thinking of doing. Tenants in Common means you can leave your share of the house to whoever you want to (make a will if you have not already done so!), whereas Joint Tenants means the survivor inherits automatically.

None of this matters regarding paying off the mortgage. You are BOTH equally liable to pay off this debt. SO, if you pay off more, he benefits. Don't do it!!

As I said, put your spare cash in your pension.

Show quote history

Or a savings account so if you leave him you can access the funds to buy him out of his half of the house.

smallshinybutton · 01/10/2023 10:06

Financiallyopposite · 01/10/2023 10:05

@Beckafett Thank you. Unfortunately he is absolutely 100% against working together with money, we tried combining finances for a period and he felt 'controlled' so we stopped. I envy the couples doing the DR journey together they seem to smash it as a team. I wish you all the best with your journey!

Edited

Was he always like this? He doesn't seem in it for the long haul tbh but I appreciate I only have a few posts from you to go on and you have years of life experience with him

Meeting · 01/10/2023 10:07

Eugh I can't stand the Dave Ramsey crap.

Basically his message is live like a pauper and don't even dream of spending a penny on anything at all until you've cleared your debts (mortgage). It seems absolutely miserable and his followers spend their time obsessing over every pound the earn/spend. It would be hell to live with someone like this.

EyesOnThePies · 01/10/2023 10:08

my money situation wasn't great after having to eat through my savings self funding 2 mat leaves and working PT whilst looking after young children

Keeping separate finances is fine. You bearing the costs of having children is not. He should have paid 50% for your maternity and childcare costs from his income. Especially as he earns more. What a prince. Not.

Put as much as you can into your own pension / ISA savings/ high interest savings accounts etc. You are doing the right thing in looking out for yourself, but I agree with PP, do not relieve a financially chaotic and selfish man of responsibility for half the mortgage.

WinterDeWinter · 01/10/2023 10:11

how did he justify you having to self fund your ML? That’s financial abuse unless there’s a quid pro quo?

Original poster
Financiallyopposite · 01/10/2023 10:12

Thank you all so much, please be assured I've taken on board what you've said about the mortgage and it's not something I will do - I'd misunderstood how it works. I'll save the money for myself.
We're in a funny relationship, things aren't great at the moment but I can't comprehend the thought of splitting and only seeing my little ones half the time.
I'm heartbroken at how the financials have panned out in our relationship, it's not how we'd planned/agreed before having children. The more I struggle and think about it all recently (such as funding years of mat leave myself) the angrier I get. I'm feeling very down so I'm trying to channel this in to making/saving more money so I'm in a good financial position once again.

OP posts:
plumtreebroke · 01/10/2023 10:15

How much interest can you earn on your savings compared to how much you are paying in interest on your mortgage? It might be more advantageous to keep your savings invested at as high an interest rate as possible. You also then have use of the capital if your circumstances change.