Appropriate Sum

[Petal12]

Hi all, just looking for some guidance on an appropriate gift to my relative. I’m sorry to be so vague but don’t want this to be outing as I believe the relative visits Mumsnet. Very basically my relative took control of a situation that very nearly went pear shaped but didn’t and ultimately resulted in me receiving over £350k. Had relative not stepped and taken control at great inconvenience and time to them, I would not have this money. I would like to gift her. But how much is reasonable?

Deed of Variation?

I'd give enough for a really good holiday, 2 weeks in the summer holidays

I do think the circs matter. If I was a relative helping out because you’d otherwise not have received life insurance from your husband for example I wouldn’t expect to receive a penny of it. But, if it is a little bit more like a lost second cousin twice removed and they did all the work to get it then I think that is quite different.

Given what you have said about them having no time spare, 3 children and having to take annual leave to sort this out.... then I think 10k is far too little OP. You wouldn't have this money at all without them.
I would personally give 50k but 10% would be nice as well. I would go with the 35K.

18 months, but how many hours? Seems like they gave it a lot and as you are not hurting fur money I'd say £10k is mean. 10% is more in line, up to £50k.

Thanks @sashagabadon - I really want to be fair and generous. I would
literally not have this money coming if they had not acted.

I would say a lot of hours input. At least 5 -10 each week for a good year of the 18 months

I wouldn't give a spa membership to a busy parent who hasn't got much free time. Why not juts give money? 15% seems reasonable.

I think that what is likely to be accepted is money for her kids. Why not put some money into trust for them as a token of thanks and a decent gift for her along the lines you suggested?

Have you kids OP? If not is it something you could address in your will? Ie leave money to the relations kids?

I think 50k and the spa membership is fair considering the amount of work they have put in. 15% is a bit stingy and percentages can work out at strange amounts.

@Pegsmum £50k and spa membership is about 15%.

In which case, why not say, you will pay for holiday of a lifetime for that person and a friend?

Sorry, I have just seen that they have a family. Why not a fantastic holiday for the whole family including spending money and taxi to the airport etc?

I agree. £35k seems appropriate.

this is a nice gift but not in exchange for the services provided.

there is a cost of living crises, the family will possibly have university fees etc coming up.

something like £35k could be either blown on a wild holiday or used for something for helpful like paying down the mortgage, saving for the kids, a new kitchen. And a more oldest holiday if they want.

I would give the relative control

For a situation like this in a professional capacity you would likely be looking at 20%.

I would go with 15%, if relative says she is uncomfortable with that I would make it 10k for her and 10k in trust (with her as trustee) for each of her dc.

That would be (more than) reasonable and fair.

Have you worked out what you need? How much is left once fees paid and mortgage covered?
Do you need the lump sum to live?

How generous or otherwise you can be surely depends on this.

You should also consider tax implications should you die within seven years of gifting.

It might make sense to split it out so you give some to the children for their long term savings, some to the person as cash and some as memberships etc.